need advise

[worriedmum69]

I need some advise, i have an 18 yr old with diabetes. Shes had it since she was 9. At the age that she is she should be taking care of herslef which she isnt doing......shes not testing, not eating properly, not taking insulin when shes suppose to, shes drinking(alot)(alcohol) (at least to me she is) shes smoking pot, as she says to relax her.......I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, all we tend to do is ARGUE all the time about this. I cant ground her, ive spoken to the diabetic clinic about this, which to me is a waste of time cause they say this is an age appropriate issue.
Has anyone gone through this, or is trying to live through this that may have some advise.??????

[lynn0713]

I can feel your pain.  I have a daughter who is 19 almost 20.  She has been diabetic since the age of 3.  For the past 2 years I have been dealing with the not wanted to take care of herself.  I begged her for 2 years to listen to the dr. and I tried to tell her how important her health is and that if she wanted a life for herself and a family she would have to take care of herself.  Of couse this fell on deaf ears.  We changed her dr. in Dec. of this year and somehow this dr. has gotten through to her.  Her sugars are down but she is now having problems with her feed and ankles.  She is now taking Lyria for this.  She is scared out of her mind and crys alot because she knows this is something she has done to herself.  Sometimes it just takes time to wake up.  I hope this is a new beginning for my daughter even though I know she is going to have problems maybe she will now try to take care of them instead of denying this disease.  As a parent the teen years have been the hardest for me.  Good luck and I know your pain.  I let mine rid it out and she has seemed to now be coming around.

[dra1]

The emotions of diabetes have always been much harder for my daughter to handle than the other aspects of it.  We struggle to get her numbers right because she doesn't like to be reminded to take care of herself.  When I try to be more laid back and let her be independent (she is also a teen) and show me she can take care of herself she tends to blame me for not telling her to treat her blood sugars or remind her of how many carbs she has eaten.  It feels like a no-win situation.  I know where you are coming from.  A girl - a teen - a diabetic in poor control - these are all factors in creating a lot of moodiness and you are on the receiving end.  I loved Skeyeu's comment and it helped me to think from my daughter's point of view.  I also can appreciate what you are feeling.  Your heart aches for your child and your heart aches because of the way your child can make you feel even though you know you are doing your best and your intentions, no matter how annoying to her, are to take care of your "baby".  

[torrem]

I have been diabetic for 39 yrs.  I remember how difficult my teenage years were.  I was different than my friends and I felt different.  I look back now and understand that there was a lot of depression.  There is a lot of depression during the normal teenage years, imagine adding diabetes to the mix.  However, just because a person is ill, does not mean that they should not be responsible for their actions.  Drugs and drinking were never an option for me as I knew that using them would kill me...I had enough problems without adding to it.  Even though your daughter is not diabetes, she is out of control and engaging in risky behavior.  Your concern is appropriate. I also hate when people try to tell me how to be or what to do.  I know they mean well and that they are afraid for me, but I also have my own fears and I don't want to be taking care of somebody elses feelings around it.  I strongly recommend that you seek psychological help for your daughter and for the family as the decease affects everyone. Take care and my best to you.

[torrem]

I have been diabetic for 39 yrs.  I remember how difficult my teenage years were.  I was different than my friends and I felt different.  I look back now and understand that there was a lot of depression.  There is a lot of depression during the normal teenage years, imagine adding diabetes to the mix.  However, just because a person is ill, does not mean that they should not be responsible for their actions.  Drugs and drinking were never an option for me as I knew that using them would kill me...I had enough problems without adding to it.  Even though your daughter is not diabetes, she is out of control and engaging in risky behavior.  Your concern is appropriate. I also hate when people try to tell me how to be or what to do.  I know they mean well and that they are afraid for me, but I also have my own fears and I don't want to be taking care of somebody elses feelings around it.  I strongly recommend that you seek psychological help for your daughter and for the family as the decease affects everyone. Take care and my best to you.

[worriedmum69]

thank you so very much for your response
to be very honest, i had never really thought of things the way you have described them but boy oh boy do i do just as you said. I think i spend so much time worrying about her that i really  didnt think i was doing wrong. She is a person and she is a person living with diabetes, she is not diabetes. I dont know if that made sense but it does in my head.
Again I want to thank you, you have opened my eyes....now all I can do is try to keep my eyes open and hope that i can keep them open. It would hurt me to no end to think she thought the same way you do and the sad part is she probably does.
Yake care of yourself
wooriedmum69    :)

[Skeyeu]

Im 28 now I got diabetes when I was 11. And things have not been the same since. My family is very critical towards me mainly because of my diabetes. They were constantly on my back and case more about my diabetes than just me as a person. And I have found that people in gerneral are like tha.  To this day when I talk to a family member the first thing they do is got through what I call THE LIST. Are you working out. How is your blood sugar. Are you watching what you eat. Then the lechuring. You know you should do more of this and that. And this is a serious disease.Some times I wouldn't care about takeing care of myself just because its there all the time. When its a constant reminder and then you have people on your case all the time you start to just not care. I got so mad because I was haveing my disease constantly thrown in my face and no one was addressing the real issue. Me. I wasnt ok I wanted some one to talk with me not talk to me. I didnt want some one  telling me all the do's and don't.  I know them.  Look  I know your worried but please make sure your not makeing the same mistake. Let her be moody with out constantly asking is your blood sugar low. Alot of people make that mistake. I may be diabetic but im also human and I have feeling. Including acassional moodyness. Hope this help change your prospective.

[Robbie89]

I somewhat understand what your daughter is facing. I am 19, and have been a Type 1 for about a year. I'm on an insulin pump. I didn't take care of myself for a while, because I didn't care. I started college and joined a fraterinity. I started drinking excessively. I had a sit down talk with myself and decided what I wanted to do, and I changed my ways. I don't know what pot does to you, I have smoked twice since I have been diagnosed, but more as a social thing. I would just let your daughter live it out, and explain to her that you care. Also, that uncontrolled sugar levels result in an uncontrolled lifestyle. I will say that living under such a disease for so long, I could see how people coudl get burnt out.

Robbie

[JDRF Volunteer SG]

The two previous posters gave great advice. The alcohol and pot may be an attempt to mask more serious depression issues OR they could be just her way of trying to fit in with a crowd of friends who are acting out. I think the most important thing you can do is to try to mend your relationship with her. One book I read about parenting teens said to PICK YOUR BATTLES. Some things are OK to allow her to do even if you don't think they are wise. The health issue is extremely serious and I know you are worried. But instead of going after that issue first, maybe it is time to have a mom-daughter special day or evening just to hang out together and discuss life. Your bond with her is the most important thing you can work on now. Then, when she is approachable, you can bring up your concerns. I would suggest that you try hard to avoid pointing fingers, but more, let her know what worries you. As in counseling, it is probably more effective to use "I feel..." comments in your discussion. It could go something like: "I love you so much, and am so proud to see you growing up. I know it drives you nutty, but I worry when I don't think you are taking care of yourself. Is there anything I can do to help you make the most of your health?"

You might be surprised. She might offer some suggestions about ways to support her. Denial is very common among kids at this age. You as mom are probably her main support, so the most important thing is to try to keep the communications open. It may be helpful to see a family counselor to get some help. She may be more open to a counselor than to having a frank discussion with her parents alone.