Aa
Need help!
I have a diabetic sister who was diagnosed with autonomic neuropathy over a year ago. She's been in and out of the hospital with a number of problems such as gastroparesis, gallbladder removal, gangrene appendix removal, bleeding ulcers, hypoglycemic episodes...And more. Her diabetes is out of control, and she was recently put on an insulin pump and ace inhibitors. She was told she has tachycardia and orthostatic hypotension. My question to you is "what can I do or say to her that might scare her a little, because she is not taking proper care of herself?" maybe something regarding mortality statistics, for those with autonomic neuropathy. Any suggestions or information will be greatly appreciated.
Dear Doc1490,
As a mom and volunteer with JDRF with a son with diabetes, I am not a physician. I can only give you my own personal experience.
Brendan, what a wonderful response to carolspeight. You might not be a counselor, but your comment was so compelling. I am sure it will benefit her sister. We, as parents, try to do everything for our children. It's obvious that you have had the most difficult experience with diabetes and your family. Depression is very common with any chronic disease. I worry that you have had any suicidal thoughts. I realize you are getting professional help and if it is not helping I would recommend someone who specializes in depression and diabetes or chronic illness. It has been a great help to my son.
It is very clear that you know the loss of family members and I know what a devastating loss it would be to your parents if you followed through with suicide.
For many reasons, I would recommend an additonal link for direct support. It is the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation at http://www.jdrf.org, click on "life with diabetes" and click on the purple highlighted "one on one support". This is a link that puts you "one on one" who can relate to your situation on a personal level. It comes through a private email rather an open forum. I would like to talk to you further.
I hope you continue with this forum as your comments are very well thought out and everyone can benefit from your experience.
Best to you,
dm
Please keep in touch and I'm looking forward to more responses.
As a mom and volunteer with JDRF with a son with diabetes, I am not a physician. I can only give you my own personal experience.
Brendan, what a wonderful response to carolspeight. You might not be a counselor, but your comment was so compelling. I am sure it will benefit her sister. We, as parents, try to do everything for our children. It's obvious that you have had the most difficult experience with diabetes and your family. Depression is very common with any chronic disease. I worry that you have had any suicidal thoughts. I realize you are getting professional help and if it is not helping I would recommend someone who specializes in depression and diabetes or chronic illness. It has been a great help to my son.
It is very clear that you know the loss of family members and I know what a devastating loss it would be to your parents if you followed through with suicide.
For many reasons, I would recommend an additonal link for direct support. It is the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation at http://www.jdrf.org, click on "life with diabetes" and click on the purple highlighted "one on one support". This is a link that puts you "one on one" who can relate to your situation on a personal level. It comes through a private email rather an open forum. I would like to talk to you further.
I hope you continue with this forum as your comments are very well thought out and everyone can benefit from your experience.
Best to you,
dm
Please keep in touch and I'm looking forward to more responses.
Ma'am, though I'm not a counselor or anything like that, I think the only effective way to try to wake up your sister is demonstrate the possible damages she's doing to her child. My story might be a good starting point.
My family has a terrible history of diabetes. In addition to myself, four of my nine paternal aunts and uncles were diagnosed with the disease, and only one is still living. All but one of them were stubborn and refused to make the necessary changes- one of them smoked and drank heavily till his death this past November at the age of 43. Another refused to do the necessary testing and dietary changes and died in 1994 at the age of 41, leaving three daughters behind. All of three of them suffered the long, arduous, and painful progression through the complications for more than a year each until they died. This took a heavy toll on my family- one of my three orphaned cousins, a very bright 19 year old- developed a nasty drug addiction starting with pot and progressing to God only knows where, to the point that no one in my family can get a hold of her or find her anywhere.
The entire affair has also weighed heavily on me. I wasn't singularly close to my aunts and uncles, but after seeing three of them die truly terrifying and painful deaths before they came close to their fifties, I spiraled into depression. What's more, I'm a fairly bright guy (straight A's through high school, current student at Georgetown University) but I couldn't see any other future than what met my relatives, a view I still hold despite a year of counseling. As a result, I've had suicidal thoughts, already fully decided that I will not have children nor marry (I couldn't put more family through what mine has experienced), fallen out of touch with all close friends (for the same reason), come to see myself as a future burden rather than see any potential, and a host of other dreary conclusions. This is because of what I saw in my aunts and uncles- not nearly as close and dear to me as my parents. I'm earnestly attempting to change and am seeking professional help, but I've seen little improvement in the course of a year.
As such, you should stress to your sister that if she doesn't want to change or feel the need to do so for herself or for her friends and family, she should do it for her child. I can safely guarantee that the way she is living now is killing her child. If she loves him, she'll have to change because her current life and prospective death feel like dying daily to those she loves, especially her child.
Hopefully, this will help ma'am. Please contact me to tell me of any developments or if you need any further assistance.
All the best wishes,
Brendan
My family has a terrible history of diabetes. In addition to myself, four of my nine paternal aunts and uncles were diagnosed with the disease, and only one is still living. All but one of them were stubborn and refused to make the necessary changes- one of them smoked and drank heavily till his death this past November at the age of 43. Another refused to do the necessary testing and dietary changes and died in 1994 at the age of 41, leaving three daughters behind. All of three of them suffered the long, arduous, and painful progression through the complications for more than a year each until they died. This took a heavy toll on my family- one of my three orphaned cousins, a very bright 19 year old- developed a nasty drug addiction starting with pot and progressing to God only knows where, to the point that no one in my family can get a hold of her or find her anywhere.
The entire affair has also weighed heavily on me. I wasn't singularly close to my aunts and uncles, but after seeing three of them die truly terrifying and painful deaths before they came close to their fifties, I spiraled into depression. What's more, I'm a fairly bright guy (straight A's through high school, current student at Georgetown University) but I couldn't see any other future than what met my relatives, a view I still hold despite a year of counseling. As a result, I've had suicidal thoughts, already fully decided that I will not have children nor marry (I couldn't put more family through what mine has experienced), fallen out of touch with all close friends (for the same reason), come to see myself as a future burden rather than see any potential, and a host of other dreary conclusions. This is because of what I saw in my aunts and uncles- not nearly as close and dear to me as my parents. I'm earnestly attempting to change and am seeking professional help, but I've seen little improvement in the course of a year.
As such, you should stress to your sister that if she doesn't want to change or feel the need to do so for herself or for her friends and family, she should do it for her child. I can safely guarantee that the way she is living now is killing her child. If she loves him, she'll have to change because her current life and prospective death feel like dying daily to those she loves, especially her child.
Hopefully, this will help ma'am. Please contact me to tell me of any developments or if you need any further assistance.
All the best wishes,
Brendan
Carol,
It sounds very painful to be so powerless to influence your sister to change her attitude with respect to managing her diabetes. It is so frustrating when our loved ones ignore what seem like obvious steps they can take to minimize further serious complications.
As with many chronic illnesses, we diabetics (especially the long-timers) can also suffer from depair and/or clinical depresssion characterized by a "why bother" sort of attitude. It is self-destructive and some consider it a slow form of suicidal behavior.
I suspect that your sister is somewhat "paralyzed" in her behaviors not because she's "not scared" ... but because she's terrified, simply terrified about all she's endured and all she might face. It's likely that for years, she been warned, "scared", and urged to behave differently but no one has really reached her in an effective way. Counseling can surely be an option and often diabetics respond well to other diabetics because we all know ... at a deeper level than even a loving "non-diabetic" ... what this all feels like.
If she were my sister, I'd begin to acknowledge the fear and sadness and talk about those things with her ... with as much loving compassion as you can muster thru your own rational frustration. If you can reach her on the emotional level at which she's experiencing her diabetes and complications, you might find she's more receptive to moving forward on "rational" steps, too.
Just know that no one can really "make" another adult see or do what they are be too scared or unwilling to do. The best we can do is to really hear what the source of resistance is and try to ease it some.
Good luck, Carol. You're a wonderful sister to want to help her and I wish you success.
It sounds very painful to be so powerless to influence your sister to change her attitude with respect to managing her diabetes. It is so frustrating when our loved ones ignore what seem like obvious steps they can take to minimize further serious complications.
As with many chronic illnesses, we diabetics (especially the long-timers) can also suffer from depair and/or clinical depresssion characterized by a "why bother" sort of attitude. It is self-destructive and some consider it a slow form of suicidal behavior.
I suspect that your sister is somewhat "paralyzed" in her behaviors not because she's "not scared" ... but because she's terrified, simply terrified about all she's endured and all she might face. It's likely that for years, she been warned, "scared", and urged to behave differently but no one has really reached her in an effective way. Counseling can surely be an option and often diabetics respond well to other diabetics because we all know ... at a deeper level than even a loving "non-diabetic" ... what this all feels like.
If she were my sister, I'd begin to acknowledge the fear and sadness and talk about those things with her ... with as much loving compassion as you can muster thru your own rational frustration. If you can reach her on the emotional level at which she's experiencing her diabetes and complications, you might find she's more receptive to moving forward on "rational" steps, too.
Just know that no one can really "make" another adult see or do what they are be too scared or unwilling to do. The best we can do is to really hear what the source of resistance is and try to ease it some.
Good luck, Carol. You're a wonderful sister to want to help her and I wish you success.
I understand what you all are saying, but we've done the counseling, heart to heart talks, etc. She's just very stubborn. She's always been the type that's going to do what she wants no matter what anyone says. BELIEVE ME, we've discussed continuing counseling with her and she refuses. The Dr. gave her medication for depression, and now she thinks as long as she has this medication, her insulin pump and meds for neuropathy in her legs that everything is fine. You've read all that she's went through...what does this mean for her? She has a small son...8 years old. He's there with her day and night. If we try to talk to her about this, she breaks off all contact with the family...and we don't hear or see her for days. He has witnessed the vomiting daily...weight loss...daily nap after nap...uncontrollable bodily waste...trips to ER. What does this mean for her? I can't take it! Is the end near? Do we need to prepare for the worst? She's doing okay for now...but just when we think she's getting better, something else happens like the gangrene appendix, pumping blood from her nose because she has bleeding ulcers. I want something I can print out and give her to read that will wake her up...make her realize that this is what's happening and if she doesn't take care of herself this is the consequence for it. Myself, my mom, the doctor, etc. have all told her what will happen if she doesn't take care of herself and she doesn't care. I think she thinks that nothing bad will happen to her even though she's witnessed things happen to other people...it's just not real enough to her...enough to think that she's not untouchable....
Dear carolspeight,
Please understand that i am not a doctor, but a mom with a son with diabetes. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. I understand the pain that you are enduring. My son was diagnosed at 8 years old, and at 27, also has gastroparesis and has been hospitalized many times. He has also not done the best in controlling his diabetes. My husband and I tried every scare tactic that we could without the best results. As you know control is vital but we can plead and argue with little effect.
What we found with our son was finding a full medical team to help with with his diabetes. Most importantly was a phyciatrist who deals with diabetes and depression. I have experienced chronic disease and have found that depression can be a major problem with all long term diseases. Your sister maybe going through this, however, she could also have other issues that can be, in my opinion, interferring with her own thoughts with her diabetes. My son has had excellent results with his phyciatrist and diabetes team with better results than I could imagine. He is doing quite well, but I understand your struggle. If she is willing to see a phyciatrist or recieve counseling, I would recommend it as a start.
You and your sister are going through the most difficult times. I would be interested to know how long she has had diabetes and if she is seeing a physician that specializes in diabetes. Doe's she have type 1 diabetes?
Neuropathy is quite common with diabetes and 20% of people with diabetes have gastroparesis. There are also new meds helping with this.
Please let us know how she is doing, (and yourself). It is obvious that you are a very caring sister and I hope this information has been a little help.
Please keep in touch as I would love to hear back from you.
Best Wishes,
dm
Please understand that i am not a doctor, but a mom with a son with diabetes. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. I understand the pain that you are enduring. My son was diagnosed at 8 years old, and at 27, also has gastroparesis and has been hospitalized many times. He has also not done the best in controlling his diabetes. My husband and I tried every scare tactic that we could without the best results. As you know control is vital but we can plead and argue with little effect.
What we found with our son was finding a full medical team to help with with his diabetes. Most importantly was a phyciatrist who deals with diabetes and depression. I have experienced chronic disease and have found that depression can be a major problem with all long term diseases. Your sister maybe going through this, however, she could also have other issues that can be, in my opinion, interferring with her own thoughts with her diabetes. My son has had excellent results with his phyciatrist and diabetes team with better results than I could imagine. He is doing quite well, but I understand your struggle. If she is willing to see a phyciatrist or recieve counseling, I would recommend it as a start.
You and your sister are going through the most difficult times. I would be interested to know how long she has had diabetes and if she is seeing a physician that specializes in diabetes. Doe's she have type 1 diabetes?
Neuropathy is quite common with diabetes and 20% of people with diabetes have gastroparesis. There are also new meds helping with this.
Please let us know how she is doing, (and yourself). It is obvious that you are a very caring sister and I hope this information has been a little help.
Please keep in touch as I would love to hear back from you.
Best Wishes,
dm
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