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Custody battle letter of reference
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Custody battle letter of reference

I need to write a letter for a dear friend of mine in the custody battle of her 4yr old daughter. I need to know what topics are relevant. Do i speak of my friends fiance who has raised this child since she was 1yr old? Or is the courts only interested in the biological parents?
Can anyone give me examples as to demonstrate what i feel and have seen in the parenting? She and her fiance are absolutely a strong team together, nurturing parents, communicative, organized, and encouraging toward the children. But i seem have a writting block. i have been writing and writing, but dont seem to get out what i want to say. it ends up being a long page of simple and predictive  words.
What does the courts want to hear about? what the mother is like? what the child is like? how this will effect the child if the biological father and her are introduced? Do i mention statistics and facts about social development at that age and whether it would good or bad for her?  I dunno,, i just need help! I have so much to say but need dont know how to say it or what is even relevant to the case. i end up going on and on, then i earase all my work cause i dont stay on topic. But what is the topic i need to stay on? OMG, u see how flustered i get? rrrrrrrr.... help.... asap. thank u to anyone who responds.
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My guess is that the court is interested in her emotional stability, her financial solidity, her support system (which should include her mother and sister, but also can include her fiance if you don't imply anything about whether they are living together, since some judges are not thrilled by someone "living in sin" around a small child), any back-up she has for emergencies, and things about the child's happiness when with her mother.
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They know all the statistics and facts, they want to know what you "personally" are seeing.  Is she a nurturing mother, responsible in how she raises her daughter but also for herself. How she interacts with her daughter, who cares for her daughter when needed, does she surround herself with positive role models for her daughter.  Anything you see that shows you why she should keep her daughter is what you write. I would mention the fiance and the fact that he is raising his own child and how the 4 of them are when together, and how he interacts with the daughter, and if he is a positive role model for the little girl.  I wouldn't mention if they live together, this is frowned upon.  Hope this helps.
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I really appreciate the responses!!!!! This is the first time I have signed up with any kind of forum for news and or advice. I guess i thought it would be like a face book gossip thing with members making jokes out of it all. I stand corrected, and apologize. Im so revealed to see people helping people. Thanx guys!!!
So, today was a shocker. First day of trial, with only one witness had made it to the stand,  besides "mom", and the crown made her decision. The case cracker was the letter that was written on the "dad's" (sperm donor) behalf was from his C.A.S worker stating "dad" has changed. The rest of either sides witnesses have been disregarded and at the end of the first day(today) of  a marked 4 day trial the crown granted "dad" visitations. The first visit in Aug. OMG!!! I was and still am shocked!
I did finish me letter last night at 4am, and i must say that i impressed myself. Teehee. And here it is for all you to get an idea of "mom" and "dad".

     I’m writing in concern regarding Isabella ------- the serious impact this custody battle could have on her. I am completely confident in my observation and opinions I hold toward what would be of best interest for Isabella. Having studied Behavioral Science Technology for three years in 2000-2003, gives me the knowledge to understand and predict behavior, actions and reaction out of individuals. After college I took some time to explore different fields within the community. I am privileged to have been a Table Coach with the Youth Diversion program, a teacher’s assistant at the L.S.C.E for At Risk Teens as well as a teacher’s assistant for Polson Park Elementary for grades Kindergarten through grade eight.
I have known Amanda for about eight years. With that, I can tell you she is a strong woman and mother. I have seen her overcome many obstacles in dedication to her children, seeking what is best for them all. She most definitely demonstrated this when she left the abusive relationship to Trevor. The stability Amanda, Brandon and children now have came with a lot of sacrifice, determination, and discipline. It was not an easy road, but they walked it together.
I have always admired Amanda’s parenting skills and the way she is consistent with her children. Amanda cares dearly for the well-being of her children and seeing that they are provided for both physically and emotionally. Isabella and Amanda have a special relationship, as she does with each of her children, but the two of them share something together that is beautifully confined. I must also add Brandon within that bond. Isabella is a well rounded, much loved, intelligent girl. With that, she wouldn’t be who she is today without both of her parents, meaning Brandon and Amanda. I commend Brandon and Amanda for their co-parenting skills along with strong communication between each other and the children. They are always working together and as a team. I have been inspired time after time. If ever there is an issue with the children, Brandon and herself both work toward a solution. Amanda will seek advice though research on the internet, books, family, friends, or their doctor. She will continue to try new techniques until she finds what works for that individual child.  Her consistency is remarkable! She has scheduled tasks (age appropriate) for each child every day. When finished at the end of the week, they are rewarded with a family outing and or activity to one of the many special places the kids love to visit. In doing so, the children are taught team effort, responsibility and appreciation. Meals are always nutritious, delicious and home cooked by hers truly, Amanda. One activity the whole family loves to do together is bake.
  Isabella’s life is in a very happy place. She is very friendly and socially open with the reassurance of her family close by. She has everything she needs to grow up and be a thriving young lady. Isabella’s age is a crucial time for social development. I fear she will develop abandonment issues, anxiety, and a lot of confusion if faced with this life style change. Which will also affect and stress this family’s household within. I find little to no reason to change Isabella’s unadulterated life when she now has it all.  Isabella was not kept away from Trevor. Trevor kept away from Isabella. All opportunities to be a father to Isabella where at his fingertips. He chose to not be her father. Fortunately, Isabella is a very blessed and has a father figure that does more for her than many biological fathers do for their children. I see no positive re-enforcement for Isabella coming from Trevor having access.  Trevor does not have much to offer Isabella that she doesn’t already have. Trevor lacks fundamental necessities for raising a child. Mentally, emotionally and financially. What Amanda’s children do remember about Trevor is his temper and violence. They are scared of him. The day Trevor smashed in the living room window the children where home and had witnessed it. Trevor was abusing drugs and alcohol daily but never bought a single item for Isabella. Amanda lived in fear for quite some time after the breakup. He was threatening her, sneaking around the house at night, and having neighborhood hoodlums assault Amanda.
I feel it would be completely self serving for Trevor to suddenly appear in Isabella’s life. If it is ever said that Trevor has access with Isabella, don’t let it be now. Not when she is so very young, fragile and naïve. It would be sad to see another family altered and forced into a lifestyle lesser from that they have worked so hard to achieve. At the same time granting he who had neglected and abused his family once before, a chance he could to do it all again.
There is an abundance of love and thriving life within Amanda family.  A strong sense of contentment fills her home. There is too much to lose giving Trevor access, even if he has changed his life. Such a dramatic change will discombobulate this happy, healthy child.

Yours truly,

Anyways, "mom", myself, the lawyer, and others where so sure we had him in the bag. He has drug charges, violent behavior and charges, never worked, yada yada... But here we are.,,, twisting and confusing the mind of this young perfectly well rounded child. For what? To give a grown adult that had every open window available to him but turned his back another chance. There is too much at risk. This child has it all right now. There little family is so very healthy and thriving..The only instability will be when a strange man invades this tight family unit. This will be her first experience to separation, anxiety, and instability. Where is the justice in that? In the best interest of the child MY ***!!
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