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Divorce or no

My wife and I have been married 3 yrs.  We are 51 and 56 yrs. old and are both artsy people in the teaching profession.  I am a musician, and my wife is heavily involved in crafting and theater choreography.  

I am retired and therefore take on the tasks of all the household issues, including taking care of our pets, cleaning, maintaining the yard, pool, & hot tub, grocery shopping, etc.  I have also tried my very best to try and give her gifts that I feel encompass our love for arts & crafts, both at Christmas and more recently for Valentine's Day.  Over the past three months, I have spent hours and hours and much of my own money scouring antique stores, art shops, and thrift stores to try and find her great gifts that reflect both our interests, but she rejected all of them, albeit in a kind way, but it has been hurtful to me.  Also, she spent hours making beautiful crafts as gifts for her friends and collegeaues.  I hoped to received a gift like this as well, but I did not, and it really hurt.

The bottom line is that I do not feel loved, cherished, or appreciated by my wife.  At this point, I just don't want to try anymore.  I feel it is a waste of my time, money, and love for this person.

Am I out of line somehow?  What should I do?

  
5 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  Well, it is hard once someone says that they don't want to try anymore as you've said.  Hard to do much if that is really how you feel.  

There's a book called the 5 love languages which is really an interesting read.  People feel loved in different ways.  And identifying how you feel loved and how your partner feels loved is really great for connecting with each other,  Otherwise,  we tend to do what WE like and it might not be the right thing for our partner to feel loved.  Could be the case here both in how you show her love and how she shows you love.  

You don't have kids at this point, you've not been married that long---  it is your choice whether to work on this or not.  If so, I think you care to work on it, you can try to get on the same page and maybe it will work.  

good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
If you still love her (and I'm sure you do) I would have a long talk with her and find out what her feelings are.  It sounds like you try and try with no appreciation from her...she needs to know this.  Some people are never able to respect someone like you, the more you give the more they take.  If you stay with her stop buying all the gifts and do more for yourself.  You're not out of line...your feelings are hurt.  Talk to her and let her know all of this and let her actions help you decide if you're wasting your time.  You have a lot to offer the right woman and life is just too short to be unhappy.  I hope this helps and do take care.
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4975191_tn?1361810971
Yeah.

It sounds as simple as there's a disconnect in communication between you two.  Express your hurt, in her overlooking you for a gift, but don't make her "wrong" in it.  For as innocently as you were hurt, I am certain it was just as innocent in her omission.
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Avatar_m_tn
I read a book today called to change your mind change your life ... it was pretty good, and right up your alley ... google it.
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Avatar_m_tn
In relationships, its up and down, give an take and not always flowers and cotton candy ... cant have a good garden without some weeds and thorns here and there ...
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