Husband leaving

[Mrs_Wings]

My husband announced that he is leaving and moving to Florida.  After we had only been married about 8 months I had an accident.  I don't know what I would have done without him and have told everyone as much.  We just had our 5 year anniversary this past January ... none of the surgeries worked; but, in January I told him I was going to get off of some of these meds that kept me so loopy and this was going to be a better year.  He had also promised my mom she would never go to a nursing home, she has congestive heart failure and doesn't have long.  I have always taken care of him whenever I could ... mentally, physically, and even cooked his favorite foods.  I cannot stand or sit for very long however.  I love this man ... maybe too much.

He found out a couple of weeks ago that his best friend is moving back to Florida and announed that we were moving as well.  No discussion, or anything.  When I tried, he just yelled and said hadn't he done enough!!!???  Of course he has, I've always praised him; but, he knows how close I am to my family.  I have a grandchild I've never even held, but he is moving back regardless because he wants to die in his old age and be having fun!  It has broken my heart to the core.  He won't even consider him just flying down there and spending a couple of weeks at a time.  That is a luxury I don't have because I cannot sit up, nor drive if I moved and tried to come back to Texas.  I'm so hurt and lost.  He knows how much I love him; but, I feel he is trying to split me away from my family.  He had a fight with my sister's husband first (over politics), then he got mad at my brother because he didn't put this thing on the back of the car to pull a boat (all little stuff) - but, it's enough that it forces me to take sides (or tries to)  I've tried to talk to him, he just thinks I'm going to pick up and go, eventho, it will hurt me physically and mentally.  
This is breaking my heart because I think he really loves me, or he wouldn't have taken care of me; but, he doesn't want us to get any closer.  I'm his third wife.  I just don't feel I can go, physically or mentally - but, my heart is literally going to break when he leaves me.

[dove3053]

I live in Fla and  we don't need more people here lol. Joking aside I see why you would not want to move because I wouldn't either. Put down a list of options and see if they work.

Dove

[NanaGG]

In your post to scottie2 you mentioned about your mom and selling the house. Does your mom live with you now, and did your husband decide to sell the house? If he leaves and the house is sold where would you go and how would you be take of you and things?Please forgive me for the questions.Thanks for sharing and my heart goes out to you.

[Mrs_Wings]

Dove... could you give any specific reasons about Florida?

Teko... yours touched me deeply and I cried.  I would not mind moving later perhaps. But, we are talking, I'm just starting to walk and get around. I was up and cleaned some the other day while he was gone (he's retired, but contracts for Homeland security and Ice) and I thought I would surprise him. I ended up in bed for 3 days after my cleaning spree and baking his favorite cake.  Plus, I do not think my mom will last the year.  My dad died when I first had my accident and I could not be with him at all and that really broke my heart, I was his baby girl. (Not spoiled at all, but deeply connected)  The children could come and see me, we've paid for his children to come to Texas, so.... that would be a stipulation.  What scared me about his statement about moving to Florida was "moving to go and have fun with HIS friends" and this one friend that just moved back has come to visit a couple of times. After an hour of conversation my husband is wanting to strangle him, lol, and he didn't even ask me - he just said "we are going."  I have always put my husband first... to the point I didn't even attend thanksgiving or Christmas dinners with my family because he can't hold his tongue about politics and my brother-in-law believes differently than he does.

To NanaGG:  my mom doesn't live with us yet, but at that doc's visit, she and Rick talked and  he made that promise to her.  I've never mentioned that to him, tried to force the issue on him or anything, it just came right from him to her.  Her feelings are really hurt now because they obviously discussed some rather intimate things and she felt they were close (they've always gotten along well, she loves everyone)  Our home will have to be sold and if I didn't go then we would split the equity, which we have  a sizeable amount in... enough to put me in one of those non-assisted *nursing homes* and I would just have to watch pennies.  I'm far from wealthy and I wouldn't want anything from him, I'm just not a viscious person.  So far, I'm just praying and asking God for some guidance on what to do.
Thank each of you for taking the time to read and give me some insight. I know some of the meds I take keep my mind a jumble and lately all I have done is cry.  It is wonderful to find this site and let out some of these bottled up feelings because I really have no one I can tell or they are really going to form a worse opinion of him.  I just don't know what to do about this small part of me that keeps tellings me he really does not want me to go and that is why he is doing it so suddenly.  People can love one another; but, I can't make him open up and tell me everything going on inside of that brain of his, lol.  Again, thank each of you and God bless.  By the by... I've been the Disney World, and some of the beaches.... my ex was a physician and we went to all those wonderful chances to travel to places like that.  It really was beautiful, it really was HOT!!!! LOLOL!

[NanaGG]

I just want you to know that you have been put on my heart and I keep thinking about your situation. You have truely been put in a bad spot and are at a disadvantage. Not something you don' know. I know that when I got sick for a long period of time and had back issues that caused me not to be fuctional, my husband had to take on so much. He gave up doing things because I couldn't do them etc  etc etc. He also has also been there for my family and my mom, cancer etc. It is not the same as what you are going through but I only said that to say that after years of feeling the burden and responsibity I know there were times my husband felt why me. Why do I have to be the one to take care of everybody else. He would have loved to go and move to florida. ( We moved there when we were a younge family, for 10 years. for his work) I had a hard time riding, sitting, hard to get somewhere hard to get back. As I have thought on your situation, it seems that your husband is just tired of the burden falling on him. The burden in there mind can be more than reality. Feeling it should be time for HIM, at his time of life. He is not considering you position. If in fact he want to have fun, but it seems like you will be left alone, not able to reach out or go out to build a social or supportive system for yourself. Not heathy phyically or mentally. If you were in agreement and felt like you could, you would be able to handle it. It is hard enough to move and go through the normal adjustment and that takes at least 3 years. He is like a horse with blinders on because he does not want to know or think about the real circumstanses. It seems as if he has made up his mind, and then he is leaving you whatever you decide is up to you. Somehow I can't see how he could ask this of you in your postition, Why it isn't good enough to go and enjoy from time to time, get a break and relief. And in time see how things come together. A Compromise , but one he is not open to. I really don't know what to tell you, I think you know in your heart and mind what you can handle. I wish he did as well.  i know that so many men want to move in retirment to warm and most women don't want to leave the kids. With your condition it's not like you will be able to do different things together. So as you say, you don't know what is in his mind.I WILL be interceeding for you in prayer, and especially for him.God does not like or cause division,I hope & pray your husband will open up and discuss this with you.  He will also give you  the strengh to bare up in all things.I also pray for your physial healing. Good luck, God bless and keep in touch. Your not alone.

[Mrs_Wings]

Reading this at 6:00 a.m. or so is something I greatly needed, blessings unto you.  Yesterday when he came home, I tried to reason with him. I even point blank asked him if he "really wanted me to go" and he said yes, and I answered by saying that that means he still loves me as I love him.  I said, look at my body.  What happens when my mom gets to the point of death and I cannot jump on a plane and fly back to Texas, or see my grandchildren once a year.  I even agreed to move closer to a larger town (Houston) where he could get more involved with things.  My son lives there and he could always drive me back to be with my mom.  The airport is right there, tickets are around $200 for round trip, with the added bonus, if something happened to me while he was gone my son would be relatively close and could make sure I was taken to medical care.  They are still too young a married couple to taken on a mother & mother in law, I would not ruin their marriage.  But, he said, I want to go back to Florida, my mind is made up, if you don't want to go and don't think your body can handle it fine, stay here.  Yes, a lot of burden was placed on him... but, I have praised him to everyone except the critters outside.  Before when we were just "kicking this around" I laughed and said, well "we would have to live right beside his best friend" (the one he is moving back for, or so he says), I told him I would have no friends except for him and I can't drive, so as least I would have them next door.  He said no way.  In fact the houses he has been looking at are at least an hour away from this so called best friend, which is nothing for him to drive.  I even told him that he knew I would follow him anywhere if I were in good physical condition and could get around.  Right now, I'm almost a prisoner in my home, I WOULD BE A PRISONER down there.  Thank you so much for writing and understanding.  God bless you for interceeding in prayer, not many people do that any longer; but, I'm a strong believer in it.  God can do anything.  I keep praying for the strength, but last night after I tried to discuss it and he ends up making it all about him I made it back to the bedroom and everytime I heard him laughing it up on the telephone with his friends I just bawled.  When I prayed I ask God that He made this situation be placed in his mind ... the "true situation" and that is all I can do is trust God to make the path straight and use me as His servant.  Thank you again and God bless you and yours.

[NanaGG]

You have done all you could do.It was good that you were able to verbalize what you did. We know that we have our own will,  and that is where your husband is. It is only when we surrender that God can move. Stand still and KNOW - you have stated your case and your husband he should consider your health and  position in this.You are not being unreasonable, you have legitimate needs, that is just wise and reasonable. You have stood up to all that has happened to you, you have endured so many difficult surgeries and pain. Keep the faith, trust that you are not alone, start thanking Him for what he is doing in this time of trial. You are AMAZING! You are PRECIOUS, You are Special, :):):)   your prayer partner.......Keep me posted.:).\, I am here for you.

[Mrs_Wings]

Thank you for the prayers and for now that is all that is left to do.  I took a nap (I was up at 3:00 a.m.) and when I woke up he was very civil to me when I went to get a glass of water.  I was surprised.  Then as I walked out of the kitchen getting ready to smile, thinking, maybe, maybe..... he said "there are some boxes, wrapping paper and tape in the middle bedroom" if you want to start packing some of your stuff."  I may pack some things I want my son to have (passed on heirlooms) but, I'm not going anywhere.  He can forget that.  I shall stand firm and pray.  God bless you for joining with me.  I once was an operator in a Christian Chatroom and one of the most lovely ladies in the rooms name was "Nana" (or that is what she went by).  Must be a blessed name *smiles*

[NanaGG]

I am honored. I am sure you have given so much to so many.

Well he let you know where he is still standing ( I am so sorry), and you are standing on the rock,Your going to be alright, now I hope He fillllllllllllls you with overflowing peace :)   through this time.  standing together in HIM....................................:)

[NanaGG]

We are hoping that his heart is softened and he relizes what he is doing and has a change of heart. BUT I do believe like teko that he needs to concider your needs ( husbands role) he has decided to move, this is not a mutual decision, so a different plan will need to be worked out for your needs to met since he is leaving you in this situation. That is not vicious, that is the least that he needs to do for you. I am standing with you, but also standing in wisdom for you future. Stand firm, stand smart, He will uphold you. :) You are a person with a good mind.I have not given you the spirit of fear, but that of power and love and a sound mind. He likes His daughters to use them.  you go girl..............He is with you :) He will give you wisdom and strength. We were never meant to be doormats but  mutual partners.  

[NanaGG]

Wondering how you are doing?

Blessings.

[Mrs_Wings]

Thanks for thinking of me Nana - ditto!  I had a "logging in" problem and we could not straighten the problem out until Monday.

Teko - I am not offended at all.  I like and respect honest upfront conversing (as much as what we can disclose on forum boards such as this)  I guess I have been venting more than anything else because I love him and I wanted to grow old with him and show him that he is worthy to be loved. I know deep inside, he only wants to get "so close" as he had a terrible childhood. I mean mobsters, the bronx (sp?) and things that a shrink tried for years to uncover - but could not.  Jesus will love him unconditionally and he has started asking questions, etc.  But, like I said before, his friend that he worked with in customs moving back to Florida I think is an escape route or something.  He will never find happiness, until he realizes that he has to let the past go, and only he can make "himself" happy. Everything else is just the iciing on the cake.
I WILL stand firm and make sure that I get my fair share of the house, etc.... but, I won't go "after him" for anything more.... that is what I was talking about when I said I wouldn't be viscious (sp?). All I can do now is be kind to him, continue in prayer and song and let God work this out.  The housing market is so bad, our home may never sell, and I won't sign papers that I don't agree on the selling price and he can't sell it without me.  Before the bottom dropped out of the market, the house across the street sold for an excellent price and our home is much more updated than that home is, plus we have two extra acres of fenced in land.  
ANYWHO - I've placed this at the feet of Jesus and asked Him to handle it.  Instead of staying in tears, my eyes are going to stay reading the Bible, when I can, or watching some of my favorite ministers on the tele.  I think I shall order me one of those CD players that has a good set of ear phones with them so I can listen to gospel music.  Sunday a.m. I was watching Bro. Stanley (one of the preachers that I watch sometimes) and he had this group of 3 I think,(I was crying & singing) playing a guitar and singing "Farther Along."  Tis one of my favorites.  My dad was a minister of small churches, that sometimes could not even pay him - but, my dad would play with guitar and he and my mom would get up and sing songs (we called them specials back in those days) and that is one of the songs they sang that I actually have on tape. Brings back such special memories.
God bless each and all, and thank you all for "sore ears" *smiles*

[NanaGG]

Thanks for the response. You are soooooo in the right place and although need help, NOT helpless. We know that when there was a battle to go through the worshipers were always sent out first. Worship and praise can move mountains, I know that for a fact. You need those songs and the word to focus on to be built up in your spirit, to keep you as you go through this.   Isaiah 26:3 says ; you will keep him in perfect peace who's mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever,for in the Lord there is everlasting strength.

It is so hard when our husbands have gone through or anybody has gone through a difficult past, it causes such damage to them that it is hard for them to truely let someone in completely. I believe that is why sometimes they are given someone like us to love them unconditionally. You are an example and your light is shinning:)

Order that CD order those tapes; raise the roof with songs and hyms, offer him the "sacrifice of praise", the most precious to him because it sometimes is the hardest to give.   You are precious!

What a wonderful memories of your mom and dad, you have good heritage and a good foundation  in which to stand. You may have a hard time standing in the flesh, but you are standing tallllllll in HIM! We are part of a small church and are the ones that were called to help build it along with our pastor and his wife.  Please keep me updated, if you would like as well. Again, standing along side you