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Husband left

Hi all!!  I am new to this site and am obviuosly here becasue I need help, advise, and maybe some insight.  Mu husband told me last Sunday, after a small argument on Saturday, that he no longer is in love with me and that he wants a divorce.  We have a 3 year old and an 8 month old.  His reasons for leaving are because I never made him feel appreciated or loved.  I have to be honest, things have changed since we have had children.  He has come home every day after work but leaves when the children go to bed and goes to his parents to sleep.  This weekend he has done the same but comes home every morning at 5:30 a.m. so our 3 year old does not see a change.  He is talking about getting a place of his own.  He has said over and over again that he is done and there is nothing to change this.  I seem to have more faith in our realtionship/marriage that these are reasons that can be worked on and worked out.  I am going to see a therapist on Monday but he says he does not need to talk to anyone.  Please everytone I am lost and in love with my husband and do not want to give up on something so important to me.  What should I be doing? How should I act?  Do i just let him go?  Thanks
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Avatar_f_tn
I am so sorry that you are going thru this with two babies.  You can't make him go to therapy or talk, he has to want to do this. Are you sure he is even sleeping at his parent's house? He could just sleep on the couch, this seems fishy to me!  If I were you I'd find an attorney so that you get all that you deserve. He's been pretty lousy as a husband, and if he felt this way, why did he not talk to you about it?  Think of YOU and what you want and deserve. He has said he no longer loves you so I don't think there is anything to fight for, and he doesn't care enough to fight for it.  I think he's pathetic and so wrong for not addressing this with you before now.  I also feel there is more to his "story" and you and your babies deserve better than this!  You set things in motion and show him that you will no longer put up with him, this could be a real wake-up call for him and if he does care, you will know.  But still you must think about what he's been doing, and will he do it again?  I know it's hard, I had to leave my husband with 3 babies ages 4 and under, with no money, job, or car.  But you will survive this and emerge a happier, stronger person for it.  Don't allow him to call the shots, stand up for yourself and show him you want and deserve someone who truly loves you!  Take care and be strong.
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1186413_tn?1326734149
First off let me say I am sorry you are going through this right now.  I think right now he just needs his space.  I think you going to get counseling is a good thing and I am glad you are doing that.  It would be ideal if he would go to therapy.  If he really wants to save the marriage he would go. It sounds to me that he already made up his mind.  I would at least ask him to sit down and talk to you and figure things out.  I think he owes at least that to the marriage and the children.  Good luck hun and I hope everything works out.  Just keep your head up and focus on you children.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I personally know what this feels like because my husband did this to me a couple of years ago after we just bought our first house! I was so frustrated with the whole thing that I started drinking a lot because I wanted him and he didn't want me anymore. After separating for a couple of months we decided to get back together to try to make things work. It took some convincing to get him into counseling with me but we only went for 2 sessions before he decided that he didn't like that idea after all. We split again because I wanted to. I told him I didn't want to be miserable with someone who was miserable with me and didn't want to try. Long story short...we got back together for the 2nd time and 3rd time. Now we are getting divorced because things have changed between us and I believe our marriage is destroyed from the emotional affair he started and with all the stuff we have been through. I have contemplated several times in my head if this was right or not but eventually if the other person absolutely does not want to put in the effort as much as you do, then the marriage is doomed to fail. It's a hard reality but it takes two to tango...like they say. I couldn't make my husband love me as much as I loved him and it just turned into a worse situation than it was before.
Good luck to you and I hope all the best for you and your beautiful children.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thann you so much for the support and the much needed insight.  I did go see the therapist today and she was wonderful and gave me some things to think about.  So He also acame home today and was telling me that he was going to meet someone who had a place for him to stay.  I will tell you all one thing...he thinks he is taking the money from his annuity (lol)...crazy stupid man.  In NJ you have to have your spouse sign off on loans from your annuity and guess what I am NOT going to do!  With regard to speaking to an attorney, I worked for divorce attorneys for years before I had babies so I have already addressed all my concerns with friends who are in the industry.  I am sooo disappointed and disgusted right now. I know I do have to focus on my health nd well being as well as my childrens, so that is all I can do right now.  Thanks again to you all for your support and kind words.  
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145992_tn?1341348674
Maybe I just am tainted but from what I've seen most men don't up and leave their family unless it's because there is someone else in the picture.  Have you suspected perhaps that might be the case?  I'm sorry you are going through this, it's disheartening and frankly sad that someone can leave their wife and two babies.  I think counselling is a very good idea, at least for yourself, to process some of this.  I hope he does come around or you get some clear answers.  Good luck and I wish you and your children the best.
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285927_tn?1380802356
Without having any background on your marriage, how it came about and why, or how long you dated, or even if you were pregnant when you married, it is hard to get a perspective on where your husband may be coming from. One thing is for sure and he has made up his mind to get out of the marriage and there is nothing you can do to keep him. With that said, it is time to shift your mode of thinking in a different direction. Focus on what you need to do to protect you and your childrens interest financially. See a lawyer and have any mutual assets frozen, and watch the checking account because it is usually the first thing that disappears. Same with credit cards in both your names. Keep busy and try to pamper yourself a little and know that you will get thru this and the emotions you have now as well as the future ones coming, are totally normal. Think about these things first and if he comes around, then great, but if not, you are prepared. I too am sorry you find yourself in this situation but staying with someone who does not return your feelings is just living a fantasy and one day you would wake and face reality anyway. Better to chalk it up as something out of your control and move on.
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