Painful and first breakup

Hello guys,

I need HELP! I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and we were living together. We broke up last March 2012 and spent 7 months apart. In the meantime, he was in a relationship and I was dating someone too. I started seeing this new guy like 6 months after we broke up and in the meantime, I did ask for my ex back but was rejected as he wanted to stay with that girl. Well, I was going in the right direction and getting better when my ex contacted me again at the end of October last year. He wanted me back and us to see each other again. He was going to break up with this girl if I say yes or no, and I did want to give it another try so I ended things with the guy I was dating.

Me and my ex were seeing each other again so my feelings came out in the open one more time though he later confessed to me that he is not ready for a relationship. I still stayed as said to myself let me see how it goes but I could not deal with it that way so at the end of December I decided to stop things and he said he will accept losing me. Also, by the way, he has an addiction and is not willing to over come it for nobody.

A month down the line and I am finding it hard to deal with and some days I really see no hope but I keep on saying to myself that I need to get through this. This is my first breakup and why does it take so long???????

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, it's not really your 'first' break up as you broke it off with another guy to be with him, right?

I think understanding your attraction to something unhealthy is really important for you.  You want to be with someone that breaks it off, rejects you, gets with another person and while with that person comes to you and says he'll break up with her if you want him to (so uncool to the other girl), then gets with you and tells you he wants to break up again and he also has an addiction problem.  This is the kind of dramatic situation that many would high tail it out of there away from it.  You are mourning it.  

Do you see what I'm getting at?  You do not need this kind of situation in your life.  You deserve a better guy and a less stressful relationship.

Time does heal.  I would try to seek some counseling if you can to explore what was attractive about getting back together with this guy who is using/has addiction problems.  Patterns repeat and you do not want to repeat this one.  

Stay as busy as possible, exercise every day, be kind to yourself.  You WILL move past this but be committed to a better situation for yourself than this one ever was.  Don't date for a good long while (you started dating too soon last time around as you weren't over the old boyfriend).  good luck

[Londres70]

Agree totally with SM.