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What is up with these men that leave after 30+ years of marriage?
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What is up with these men that leave after 30+ years of marriage?

I have a lot of anger and resentment for what my spouse is doing.  We have been married 34 years and now he is involved with a 24 year old (he’s 56).  Our youngest child is 28!  We attended church and married under the Christian covenant with me believing the union was until death.  I feel like my husband has died and another person has taken over his personality.  It has been suggested that he is going through a mid-life crisis.  I kicked him out of our house in April after finding his cell phone bill and seeing how many times a day he was calling her and knowing he was sneaking around to see her.  He moved into another house that we own.  Two months ago I saw him right across the street from the house where I still reside, with his harlot.   Due to her extreme irresponsibility of being evicted so many times; he rented the house for her.   His name is on the lease and utilities.  It has been devastating seeing his car parked across the street when he comes to pick her up for their dates/outings or when he spends the nights there.  She is a known heroin addict.  This summer the county ended up taking her two illegitmate children away from her due to her addiction.   My spouse used to spend more time with her kids then his own family; even to taking them to DisneyWorld in Florida.  She doesn’t work, whereas I spent all of our marriage working outside the home.  I would have liked to stay home to provide more care to the children and home.   He totally supports her including buying her cigarettes, when he used to say that smokers were scum of the earth.   Her driver’s license was revoked by the court.  She has been arrested for theft and has even stolen from her family members.  I just don't get his attraction to her.  My spouse and I were still communicating until recently.  He told me this week that he no longer wants anything to do with me and I need to contact a lawyer for a dissolution.    
Our two daughters aren’t happy with what he is doing but yet they won’t confront him about it.  I’m the one who gets the backlash on how I should just let it go and get on with my life.  After investing all those years, I feel lost, alone and wondering what it is I did to deserve being trreated like a speck of dirt.  It is a struggle just to get up in the morning.  Thank you.
3 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Sorry about your situation. i had this happen to me twice from women and makes one turn inward. I think hes got a big surprise coming and its not going to be a good one. Her addict situation is bringing him  down the same road as her. Mark my words, hes got a deep hole waiting for him and with in a short time he will be crawling back to you. You will have your chance then to let hm know the deep hurt he has put you though. She 24 addict and hes 56 straight guy! its obvious what going to happen. As far as your feelings about yourself go, you are back to yourself as you were before you met him. With all this time together you blended your personality and life into his. In a sense you lost half of yourself. The only thing you can do now is accept what has happened and be your whole self again. there is a big new fresh world awaiting for you. Accept yourself, acknowelge your strengh, identify with being you again. Keep posting
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi,  honey. It's not all men, I promise.  Yours just has low character.  He's a cheating jerk.  

I'm so very very sorry.  

Please though, do NOT get your daughters involved in ANY way.  They should not under any circumstances be encouraged to get involved by you as that is basically using them.  It's the wrong wrong wrong thing to do and how really bad situations start.  No kids (young or adult) want to be thrust in the middle of the parents issues.  Sure, they can be sad and vent about it but don't use that against them to 'plea your case' to your estranged husband.  And don't vent to them either.  Keep it simple when you talk to them as they just do not need to be intimately involved in what is going on with you.  My parents divorced and had my mother done that to me, I'd have grown VERY resentful of HER.  

I hope that you have a support system in place such as parents, siblings, good friends.  Make a list of what you need to do to be on your own ----  money, housing, etc.  See a lawyer.  

If he isn't going to work on this, you have to move on.  

And if you are feeling like you are suffering depression, see your doctor. That is treatable and you are very wise to realize that if you are depressed and it isn't treated, everything will be just that much harder.  

peace dear.  it's very hard,  I hope the best for you.  
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6056163_tn?1378756793
Well I have one for you.  After 28 years of marriage my husband left me. But wait it gets better for his step sister. I'm not finished they just got married this last weekend!!!  Try and wrap that one around your head...
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