We are in relationship a little more than 2 years. Our difference in age - around 20 years (he is 50, me is 32).
I'm wondering, how midlife crisis can influence on our relationship? Could he have interest to young girls when he has so young girlfriend and all is very well with sex?
Last time he very changed, will write it step by step: 1) in any, even small conflicts he cryed - you are not my girlfriend, I am not your boyfriend, or that he thinks that I would move out, etc.; in some min. later it looks, like he feels sorry about what he told and we have compromise; 2) 1stly for 2 years of our relationship he went on corporative trip in other city; and 1st for all time he didn't send me sms\call in the evening, before go to bed; 3) he likes to speak to woman anywhere where we are together - on trip, in opera etc. And I have never seen that he would speak to men, especially this is well seen last monthes; at the same time, I'm staying somewhere behind - he is doing all things like he is looking forward to spend this time with me and, as a result, he doesn't pay me attention to me as to be-loved - don't ask me, how do I feel, what do I think about smth etc. (and do not tell me any kind words - f.i.,that I'm looking well). 4) he took away me from his friends on FB and told that he wants freedom to express what he feels etc. (though I have never asked him why did he put some information there and who is his friends there); he also didn't accept the idea to put each other that we are in relationship on FB (as doing many my friends) because, as he told, real relationship is much valuable; at the same time, he told his friend that he put on FB his naked photot where he is sitting in the bath; perhas, he feels that he become old and wants that women would like him (one of the symptom of midlife crisis)? 5) he told me that he value our relationship and at the same time, he told that he has fantasy - sex with 2 young girls; and he would like to make it in life; as I understand, he wants me to participate in this; or to have erotic massage from other woman and I should sit in that room with him; he wants to have it as present on his 50th birthday (it will be in some weeks); I'm confused; he didn't tell me such things early; how to understand it? he told me, that it will be 50th and he never have done anything crazy; so, he wants something unusual and that I aso will participate in this... what do you think about it?
yes, and one more point - I had to fly to other country, to visit parents. He did not call me and did not ask to speak on Skype as previously, did not ask me how I am here. I wrote him about myself and asked him how he is, he wrote me sms today that he is on the way home and: "I don't want to speak or meet anyone now. I'm tired and want to be alone and quiet". He had conflict with boys (his sons from 1st marriage, 13 and 15 years old) yesterday - they ate candy and didn't confess. As American, he was very upset about this situation and I am also away for some weeks now. Could it be that he is under stressed and trying to calm down himself? Or he doesn't feel so close to me for now and that is why he decided do not contact me these 3 days? Or he too much upset that he has this stress and I'm away? He is worry about his belly that grown last years too. He began to bicycle in his office every day and things about aerobics or so. He begins to criticize me very often - even for small things (what he didn't do so often previously).
Is it midlife crisis?
Have we chance to survive through it with less losses?
Can I, as young girlfriend, to do something nice for him (to help him) but without hurting myself in this situation?
Sorry, but your post was truly difficult to read related to the English.
I did CLEARLY understand that your boyfriend sounds likes he is NOT into you. In fact, he sounds like he needs some professional help. He is in NO position to give you or any other woman a HEALTHY, COMMITTED relationship. There is ZERO consistency here with his behavior. I am not sure if he has a psych issue and/or if he is going through a midlife crisis.....hard to say.
"Can I, as young girlfriend, to do something nice for him (to help him) but without hurting myself in this situation?" No, doubt it. This situation is BEYOND your help. I would recommend you do "something" nice for yourself and LEAVE him IF he is not willing to admit he has issues and will address them with a therapist. And even if he does consult a therapist to sort this situation out there is still NO guarantee he will change.....that would be a gamble on your part.
I WOULDN'T recommend staying in hopes he will change or accepting those FEW moments "here and there" that things are ok between you two.
Why stay with him and continue to be humiliated, disappointed, unloved, lied to and not included FULLY in his life?
You have ONLY invested two years into this and I would just assume find someone who is more compatible and in tune with your needs and wants. This guy ISN'T doing that for sure.
Thank you very much for answer!!
Yes, he had depression last autumn due to bad situation with his family.
He drinks cipralex every day now. He told he cann't survive without it because he is inclined to depression or angst by his health conditions.
I remember that time when he was attentive to me and careful. That is why I began to wonder what is happened to him now.
He got better this spring, So, all should be even better than 2 years ago because I stayed with him even when he was seriously ill. But it seems, all begins to be worst.
Thank you for answer!
You help me to open eyes on the situation and to think what to do further.
I agree with londres and compatibilty. He is over whelming you with his needs and dosent seem to care much about yours. I think youll be chasing a wild horse for the next 10 years and will never be able to ride it. Im an man and have concluded about mid life crises, that it only affects those that have not fullfilled things in their younger days and now want to bring back those opportunities. I did not go through a mid life crises and i and think part was do to the spirituality i picked up along the way. Not religion but a certain perception about life, nature, God and all humanity and my relationship to each.
I agree with londres. Sometimes new romance is hard to figure out where exactly it is going. Some go on to be long term relationships and some fizzle out.
Regarding your question about mid life crisis, well--- it is really hard to generalize what happens at that point for any man or woman. But something that can be indicative of how someone will act is how your relationship started. Was he with a long term partner that he left when he met you? those are the kinds of questions to think about because that would indicate more of his pattern.
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