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problem with my husband
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problem with my husband

I am from Asia. I have met my huasband when i was 21. we had a nice time during first year and after i have started working he started acting differently. He always accused me saying i am going with other men at my work. however, i really wanted him and we have got married in 2005 I have 6 year old son and 8 moths old daughter. I have gone through a very difficult time during my delivery of daughter and after that i have lost my job. although I have problems with my  husband i have just ignore him because i cannot do anything because of our children. he also a good person he cook for me he looked after children and so on but whenever the time comes he using his words very badly to me and he always blaming my poor mother my sister and my brother. they have not done anything for him. he also never close to his own family and he does not like when i am keeping  in touch with his family because of that i have deleted all the contact information of his family members.

Recently, my mother came to UK to see my little daughter. before she go he started a fight. During christmas he started a fight and i came out from the party with my children and he started abusing me very badly and my mother heard it. i am in difficult situation now as i do not have a job and also i have two children. whenever he go out on his own he drinks with his friends and coming home very happily but if he go out with the family  I mean with me he always coming out with some argument with me.    I am a person not going anywhere without my family. my parties are only with our friends and families it also once a year or twice. I do not know what to do.

These days 90% of my day is spending with argument. i really feel like leave him and go but my children make me stop doing it. I am also now using all the bad words and accusing him as much as i can to get a small break. what i can do but by doing that i feel disgusting about my self.  i am cursing him but nothing working out. i am really stuck and i am dressed now. i feel like kill him.

this man is sick some time he is so good i do not know what to do. he do everything for children but he never shows his love to me. he is acting like as if he does not have feelings. i really do not want to sleep with him but we only have one room to sleep other room my children are sleeping. we also arguing in the night.

he is also lying to me. now have a daughter and my son make me stuck here. i really need to get help. also he is very nosy he is checking my fb my emails and he is controlling my money and everything. also he is suspecting me. I really need to help my mother nor one can stop i am doing it. this man knows about it from long time but he does not like it.  

he is a soft spoken person but softly he is telling everything that makes me angry after that he is smiling and it makes me more angry. i do not know how he is doing it. if i go how i am going to look after my children along while working. i am jobless he always talking about it and making me upset and he is telling me i am so bad and i do not now how to speak and treat people. i am doing it only for him I never do it for my family or other people. in order to get some release i am doing that. if my colleagues or friends got know that they will not realized it because i never show any problem to anyone. i am so happy at work and having fun at work. as soon as i come home this man is on my neck.  














3 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there, welcome.  I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time dear.  Sounds very hard and like your husband is 'sending you over the edge."  You've resorted to his bad behavior of fighting back and releasing your anger back on him which escalates the problems.  

Is there any way that you can go to a therapist by yourself??   I would investigate if this is a possibility.  I think that outlet would be very valuable to you.  

I would also think that as your baby gets a little older, you should start to consider job training or finding work to protect yourself especially if he mentions this to you and makes you feel bad for not working.  Then if something happens, you are not'stuck' because you can't leave.  no woman should feel that way.

IS he willing to work on the relationship at all?  
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi,

thank you very much for giving me kind word because i do not have anyone to discuss. I do not know whether he like or not. I do not know how I can describe about it. However, I am making my self stronger, i have started doing some exercises and meditation. also i am working on my MBA dissertation. I do not have time for this kind of nonsense you know.

As you suggest I must go to a therapist. I think if I go and tell it to the GP, they might help me. I want help now because i am making my self miserable because of him.

He must go for the therapist as well but I do not know how he will react if I tell him about it as because of his ego. He is so proud he thinks he know everything. he not having friend. even he has he never introduce me. But he always want to know with whom i am keeping in touch and so on I do not mind as i do not have anything to hide.

But he never complain about the way i am dressing and my hair styles.
He is so possessive and he never listen to anyone. I have no idea to whom he is respecting and who can give advice to him.

I am working on my job now and i am going to start private tuition class to children. I am mentally stable with any one but not with him. when i see him its going to my nerves.  

Now i do not know this is my problem or his problem.      
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Avatar_f_tn
    Oh sweetie. I totally sympathize was with a man who made me feel low for ten years. I am not close to my family but my friends help me get away. Start taking your kids to the park. You would be amazed how easy it is to make friends, its hard cuz sick men like that make u feel like no one will like you because " u r (whatever insult, stupid, fat, lazy, crazy)." mine did. But u probably arent any of those things. U r a woman and mother and deserve respect. Or at least common courtesy. He obviously has some issues. He needs help. Ur job as a mom is to protect your kids so that they dont have issues too. If he wont get help u have to leave. Not just for u but for them. U cant fix him. He has to do that himself. It is hard at first and it hurts. But i feel better after a year. And i bet u will too. Whenmy kids said they were glad they didnt have to listen to the fighting and that he was nicer to them on visits than he had ever been. I knew i had made the right choice. Good Luck .  
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