Why did she have convulsions?

[dezusa]

My sweet little Bailey died this morning.  She suffered all weekend thanks to my selfishness in not letting her go.  My heart is truly broken.

She had two or three happy moments when out of the blue she snapped out of her death sentence and jumped into the swimming pool to swim and play with our grandson.  She ran back and forth telling my husband and I that we should get into the water, too. So we did.  We had a wonderful afternoon with her.  Afterwards, she was so exhausted.  But I believe that she was happy.  And I truly believe that Bailey did this for us, to remember the good times we all shared.

We took her to the vet again and he said there was no hope. She had lost a lot of weight and did not seem to know what was going on around her.  He offered kind words but said it was time to let her go.  

He gave her a tranquilizer injection.  She immediately convulsed.  A horrible thing to see. The vet said he gave her a huge dose so that she wouldn't convulse.  But she did.  My husband fled the room in agony, while I held our precious Bailey and tried to soothe her uncontrollable spasms.  Then the vet returned with the last injection.  And again, while I held my baby girl, she jerked and struggled for breath before going very still.  Her heart continued to beat for another minute or so...a fighter to the end.  I placed a trembling kiss on her forehead and told her is was okay to go to sleep.

Is this what was supposed to happen?  Why she did convulse?  And why did she jerk and struggle for breath?  I thought this was supposed to be painless, like simply falling asleep.  I feel lied to.  I feel like I betrayed my promise to Bailey when I told her that she wouldn't feel anything.  I do not ever want to be a part of this "kindness" ever again.

[irish_pride]

i'm so very sorry for your loss and there is nothing i can say to make you feel better but i just wanted you to know that i've been there before and i took my dog home to pass on with me and i think he suffered a great deal and i always tell myself that i should have let the vet do what he recommended but i to was very selfish and my dog suffered so maybe right now your angry and hurt but you may very well have saved your dog a great deal of pain even tho you feel like you may have made a bad decision i'm almost certain your little bailey is thanking you dogs are somewhat like humans and they don't wanna suffer. i hope your not to hard on yourself  your dog is gratefull and in a better place.

[chihuahuagrandma]

How are you doing??? I know you're grieving, but just wanted to let you know we care.

[chihuahuagrandma]

She was sick, and answers sometimes are going to be evasive....I am so sorry for the passing of your pet, she knew your love, you are a compationate pet owner, who loved her pet, and now you have a beautiful, twinkling, pretty star in the evening stars who represents your pet running and playing and guarding the gates of heaven....you pet will share the midnight stars w/all the rest of our four legged best friends and family in their memory...
I am sorry for the duress of how the procedure took place, sometimes things don't go exactly as planned, but know now, that Bailey is not in pain anymore...And, if you can or want to, ask you vet the "whys" and see if you're able to retain some answers...I would!!
I don't know if you'll get your answers, but maybe in time your healing will start,, and you will be able to love another pet deserving of your love...
I wish for you peace, I know it hurts!
Bailey will be twinkling ever so very bright and watching you forever like your angel!!!