I am Extremely Needing advise..

[k77love]

Hi readers,
I am not too sure how I came upon this site, but after reading So many wonderful posts, regarding our Lovable/ yet challenging at times DS children I needed to post.
We have a 8.5 year old DS boy, that is just the most challenging for both my husband and myself.  We also have a 3 year old that loves his brother So much, and I would like to say they play well together, or not fight, but The do not.  
Our DS son, has been experiencing the worst behavior at school.. He is bitting, hitting,kicking, running out of the room not staying in his " centers"  for 3 years now, while he has been in school we have been fighting for our son to have an Aide, so he would be in the General class room with peer's that could show him positive behavior.  This has been the crux I believe of his poor behavior, as he was not granted an aid, as they said his challenges we not bad.
When I come in to his class room for an " Impromptu" visit, I am shocked at times when my son is.  Dont get me wrong, this is what they know how to do, and I have thought this was what he needed, but I am really knowing now, his behavior aggression is connected to the various other sweet spirits in his class that, Scream, Hit, Bite and kick.
Our child is NOT this aggressive at home at all, but lately more than we would like.
I have done so much research and with my background I have a huge amount of patients, it's just this level within the school system is what puzzles me.
I was reading in a few posts about this natural herbs, Neturvie? I am not saying it right, I have never heard of this before.. and I am really sad that I have not..
Over 3 years ago our DS son's behavior was so aggressive and such the doctors put him on Aderell, I have been tormented with this choice, as I hate putting him on something, but when I take him off, It literally is World War 3.  
I am really not wanting to rant and rave, I love being a mom, and I am so lucky that I have our 2 wonderful Boys.
We have always treated our 8 year old DS boy, just like anyone else. When it comes to discipline, they are EXTREMELY stubborn, and this is something that we have had to pick our battles... at times there is a battle that is
totally unexpected, and he is out of control for hours.
What has got me just fed up, is he will show major aggression and anger towards me, MOM, but will show very little towards dad. I am really trying hard to understand this..
We have a Behavior Evaluation at his school on monday, and it does not look good. I am actually scared... they are making an addition to his IEP, they ( the school district) is wanting to add physical restraint in his plan, and also a " room" to put him in.  I am mortified, this is our sweet boy that I would do anything to protect. I feel he has gotten So much worse when going to the Special needs class room, without pull out services.
See, in his IEP, it's states that he is to be pulled out for certain activities, but they are not.. as his behavior, but his behavior is bad because he does not want to be in that class room, he wants to be with the other boys, and girls that he seeing playing with outside.  
I am just tired.. I do not have peace in my house, my husband and I are at odds, and I just said tonight that I needed to find an apartment to move me and our 2 year old in to just until our 8 year old can get his behavior in check.  This is NOT what I want.. But I am not sure wherer to turn.  
We attend church every Sunday, and his church aid, ( they had assigned to be with him) was been assigned to a new calling, leaving our child sad and thinking he does not fit in, as we try to be with him in sunday school and primary, this just does not turn out well, he either hits or slaps a child that is sitting too close.  
Thats' just so sad for any parent, kids are scared of him as they are not sure what he will do to them.

Well.. I have to run to get dinner on the table... if anyone is reading this tonight, I honestly could use your help.. I am not offended easily, so please feel free to say if I am doing something wrong..

Thank you so much..

Kaid's Mom

[Mglos]

Hang in there.......boys can be a challange. He's acting out because he's not being understood and he is frustrated. You need to get an advocate to deal with school 1st. He doesn't sound like he's in the rite school classroom. But to be with typical kids would only make him feel more different and increase his frustration. Do you have picture boards he uses for communication?  I find if I can diffuse the situation or let him calm down by staying away and saying nothing then I try to figure out what wrong. Des kids are stubborn. You have to let them know your boss.thats why he listens to your husband. If he won't move you move him . Get some help..... A  p.c.a worker covered by insurance .or the school can help by sending some one. That's why you need an advocate to get you what you need.school doesn't want to spend the money and counts on you not knowing your rights and what they have to give the child. Check his thyroid too.you need to get some control before he gets bigger than you. My son was the same but with help he changed.now 15 we face some aggression but I'm getting it under control. I am a single mom and I know how you feel. You have to be tough. One thing at a time. If he won't get in a bath put him there and keep putting him in don't let. Him win..then when you get that under control move on to the next task.dont take on to much it frustrates you and him and you'll both be defeated. The way I can explain it is if you lived in Spain and ever time you ordered a burger you got fish after a year you'd throw a fit too.maybe knock over the table?  He's not being understood and he's frustrated. Make things simple .dont talk to much .to many words can set them off. Well hang in there get someone to help you . Take a break. Go look at some other classrooms.he may be bored there.

[k77love]

Thank you doctor,
We do have a counselor, and he is seen regularly at OHSU, here in Portland, OR.  I would say that my visits to his school are so few and far between, and honestly his class mates would not be the one to ridicule him.  It's difficult for me to understand why it is that we, as parents of these Awesome, yet stubborn children have to Fight SO hard for what they should be getting in School.   I have been researching all day, and just checked back to see if i could add something new, thank you for your comments, and I think our next apt, up at the clinic we need to talk more about his aggression.  
Thank you again,
Andrea

[Dr. Kokil Mathur]

Hi!
As children with Down's Syndrome grow, they become aware of their psychological, social, mental limitations. They face ridicule, abuse, taunts in school/college/people around them. This can naturally initiate anger, frustration in them. Also sleep apnea is a common problem in these children, and its quite possible that your son is not getting enough sleep in the right combination of deep sleep/and less deep one. This can also make him irritable.
Maybe changing his school will help, instead of drastic steps of breaking up the family to live in two homes. This will disturb his emotional support as well. Maybe the aggression towards you is due to your school visits for which your son may be ridiculed for.
What I suggest is a proper psychoanalysis, and family and individual counseling for your son, and you, and his father. This may help. Take care!