I don't know what to do

[geogin]

I'm really depressed and suicidal.  I've contacted (email & phone) potential psychologists and psychiatrist in my area and nobody will help me.  They say I'm too high risk to take on as their patient even though I have good insurance.  They refer me to the local state mental health center which is a big joke (I know...been there involuntarily 5 times).  Even my husband won't help me and says I'm alone.  My parents and siblings don't talk to me either.  I'm starting to make plans to kill myself next thursday...gonna buy bullets for my rifle.  What should I do?  I can't call the suicide hotline because they will just send police to my house and have me taken away to the terrible local state funded mental health center.  Maybe I should go through with my plans.  Nobody cares anyway.  It will be better in the spirit world anyway because I've tapped into that realm already.  Any advice sir?

[Jaquta]

It's good that you did post.  If you need help it's irrelevant which forum you post too.  Posts that are perhaps too sensitive for some members are likely to get edited or deleted anyway.  Been there.  It can feel invalidating but it's also important to remember that others need to feel safe too.  (I forget that when I'm trying to survive and are self-absorbed).  Whoops!

Get help.  Don't make plans.  Is the problem that no one will treat you?
You're wrong when you say nobody cares or you're not worth it.  You are worth it and we do care.

J

[Jaquta]

Hi Geogin

That's rubbish!!  Everybody's life is of some value.  If mine is, then yours must be also.

It's unfortunate that health professionals cut people off when they need help the most.

Family and friends can feel hopeless and threatened so a lot of the time they are just plain useless at helping.  I can't comprehend how difficult it must be for them but it's never easy for us either (and they get to walk away from things if they choose -we can't, we have to live with ourselves).

I think the first thing you should do is call someone and ask for help -you shouldn't be alone when you feel like that.
If you can drive, can you drive yourself to the local hospital?  I know that can be an extremely difficult thing to do, but you need a lot of support right now.

I'll be around for a short while if you want to chat.  I can't promise anything though because it's my birthday and my family are ringing.

J

[geogin]

nevermind the question, i'm not worth saving

[geogin]

i think i'm really gonna hurt myself and i'm scared and alone

[geogin]

sorry, i didnt realize this was the emotional eating forum.  maybe you can still help me with advice?