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Eating patterns have changed
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Eating patterns have changed

Since the start of 2009 my eating patterns have completly changed, most days all i will eat is a couple of biscuits and thats about it, but other days (not many of these days) i will feel like im eating for Britain and eat loads, my friends call me anorexic but i really don't think i am. I have never ate breakfast, but now i've stopped eating lunch too, this doesnt mean im anorexic does it? please help me xx
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Hi natalie

Only you and your doctor can truly diagnose an eating disorder, but you are definitely showing some of the early signs. A couple biscuits a day is not enough to sustain life, and this is called "restricting". That is what your friends see that they suspect anorexia. I don't know if the days you are "eating for Britain"(cute) you are really binging or you are eating a normal amount but FEEL like it is excessive. Yes, these are all signs of an eating disorder. Also how you feel about your body. Are you within target weight or less but always feel fat? Do you think about food constantly (but eat very little)? Does it feel good not to eat? These are all signs of an eating disorder.

It sounds like you are young and you haven't been doing this very long. The bad news is it will only get worse and your happiness and your very life are at risk. The good news is because you haven't been doing it very long, you can get help. I suggest you talk honestly and openly with your doctor about these issues.
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Hello, it doesn't sound like you have anorexcia, but it does sound like your showing some warning signs for anorexica, like restricting. You need to force yourself to eat regularly, before things get out of control. Even if it means talking to your parents or doctor about this.
I am 18, and first started the warning signs of anorexica and bulimia when i was 12. It starts off as not a big deal, the behaviors are just once in a while, but it can change quickly and become extreamly dangerous and life threatening.
Please get help now.
if you want to talk more send me a message
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hey my name is natalie too..i WISH i had your proplem last summer i was very thin every one was like nat your getting was too skinny stop doing what your doing ........but to me it was like the best time of my life because i was little.in the past i have been a true anorexice .it pertty must comes and goes ...i have to work at being little.like in the summer im little and i really dont eat but in the winter all i do is think about food so this winter  i have gain 40 pounds i cant fit in my clothes and i will not buy bigger jeans because im just going to loss it any way  and i dont want bigger clothes.oh and by the way i dont think your anorexic .....anorexic   run for miles work out all the time and really dont eat...
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Where to start? Are you on this board because you are concerned about your own problem? This is not a pro-anorexia website. This is a place where people come because their symptoms and lives are spinning out of control and they want help. Not everyone is ready for help and that's ok. We can love and support you until you are. But it's not helpful to say "I wish I had your problem". And it is incorrect to say "anorexics run for miles, work out all the time and really don't eat." Anorexia and bulimia are complex diseases that look different in everyone. Also, like Rach says, people may start out with some of the symptoms of anorexia and then it gets worse. Much worse. The longer someone suffers from an eating disorder the harder it is to treat. So though you may mean to be reassuring, saying "I don't think you're anorexic" may not be helpful.

T
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I have to agree with Zoelula 100%. I have been on the pro anorexia websites and I was always much more depressed after looking at them. I love the fact that this is an eating disorder forum that is just concerned with getting healthy and for giving healthy support. I hear people all the time saying to girls who are anorexic, "I wish I had your anorexia." I use to say stuff like that cause I thought being anorexic would somehow solve all my problems but instead I just landed myself into an obsession with food and weight and lots of binging and purging. Plus people think it is ok to tell someone with an eating disorder, "I wish I had your eating disorder," yet no one would ever tell someone with cancer, "I wish I had your cancer." Both are diseases.
I also agree that you can't just say that someone doesnt have anorexia because they dont fit one certain stereotype. I had a friend who suffered from anorexia (she is recovered now) and she never compulsively exercised. She only restricted but that didnt mean her disease was any less worse then someone who both restricted and exercised.
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I have to agree with warped_reflections, and Zoelula. Personally i thought you comment to natalieedear, was wrong. She is only 13, and is infore trouble is she doesnt' do something, to get help. She has all the warning signs for becoming an anorexic, and my main concern with her, is to help her understand, she needs to find help now, before she winds up into trouble, like so many of us here did. She is the same age i was when i became eating disordered. Now here i am almost 7 years later, and in to deep. I know you may not be ready for help, judging from your post and that's ok, and people here will still talk to and support you, but please be careful of your responses, especially toward young girls, who may infact be starting to have a serious problem on there hands.
I know my mom tells me sometimes, she wishes she could have an eating disorder, just for a week, so she could loose some weight, and it is the most hurtful thing, that i could her from her.
As far as you wanting to loose the 40lbs you gained over the winter, try to think of a healthy way to do that.
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frist of all i didnt know she was only 13...  natalie problem to me was a little problem to me.... she said she can eat for britain and eat loads  some times right well i been anorexic and didnt  really eat yeh they really dont eat ..and for the record all the anorexics i know including myself ....LOTS of them run and work out and DONT EAT ..... you should know stuff about me for one i just got this computer never had one didnt know nothing about anything on here.......also natalie problem on the scale of 1 to 10 her problem to me is like a  3 or 4 ....and just so you know you dont have to be a doctor to be on here .......now me im just a schizphrenic idiot that tryed to kill myself because i thought jesus wanted me to go home ...and guess what i still think about suicide every day.. i have no emotions so i cant tell when i sound off.....i have nothing left in my heart............and all i want to be able to do is LOVE AGAIN feel deeply about something..but i cant because  my heart dont work NO MORE...so maybe you should think hey im on medhelp there might be people more f**ked up then me on here.. well guess what im sure im one of the most f**ked up on here...i go to 4 different rooms so fare with prolbems on medhelp .. and another thing maybe you and your perfect life should realize im 27 liveing with my parents have had not one friend in the last 4 years.no one to talk to ....i dont drive i dont work .im just stuck in this messed up house every day all day.im disabled now in my right arm and hand.. so thanks for makeing life that much enjoyable rach and zoeula............!
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Hey nart

I'm sorry if you took what I said personally. All I can do (all any of us can do) is share the knowledge and the experience we have to help others. We are all different and we all have different experience with eating disorders and with many other parts of our life. Nobody's life is perfect; we all struggle, in different ways and at different times. I'm a lot older than you which doesn't give me any right to judge you and I hope you see that isn't what I was doing. But it does mean I've learned some things and thankfully found some peace from the craziness of an eating disorder. If having 15 years recovery means I've learned a thing or two, that is just my current situation. When I was your age I was lost in my ED and many other ways.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. That *****. I hope you find some support online, but I also hope you can find some in real life. You might consider therapy or a support group because then you might feel less isolated. Please accept my apology if trying to help another person I inadvertently offended you.
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Hold on a minute. Just like none of us have a right to judge nart, she does not have the right to judge natalieedear's problem on some scale. This is NOT some contest of who is the most sick or miserable.
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you been judging me the whole the i been on here ***!!
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This isnt even worth getting into an argument over. Arguments that happen online are always bad. No one wins and everyone ends up feeling bad. I dont want this to turn into a post in which people are just upset with each other. I view this eating disorder forum as being about healthy support and healing. Lets keep it as that.
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I agree with warped refelections. Nart, i was trying to judge you, like everyone else has said we've all been though a lot. I myselt have tried suicide 7xs. No one wants to make anyone else feel bad here. I just wanted you to know that natileedear is young, and only starting to show signs of an eating disorder, and we don't wnat to encouange anyone to get  involvoed with these diseases.
I hope you can except my apology, and remember that no one is trying to make you feel bad, but just trying to make you aware.
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you guys are all right....i dont want to fight either.......i know i did get carryed away....i said some thing that were not postive........and im sorry......lets more on......really you tryed to kill yourself 7 times that is sad and never met people like me.....untell i got this computer not to long ago...how did you try doing this if you dont mind me asking..
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Well, i'v tried slitting my wrists, suffocating myself, overdoseing on pills, strangulation. So trust me when i say that i do know what it feels like to want to die.
Last June was my last and most serious attempt, since then i've relized that even though life can suck sometimes, I would rather be in it then dead or in a hospital, because i'd spent nearly 2 years in and out of psyc wards.
Eating disorders can cause serious depression, and suicdal thoughts. I don't know what's going on with you really, but i thought you said you were or are anorexic. Well i can relate to you there to. If you want to talk here feel free, but you can also pm me anytime.
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i trying to killmyself cutting both wrist cutting all up my right arm 14 times............i really meant to die....$60,000 surgery to fix me up........it been 4 years and i havent got it together yet......next time i go to the doctor im going to try again to get on disabilty...........my right wrist is damaged makeing it hard to use my hand.i cutt my tenden bady in the wrist..the first 3 years i lived in REALLY BAD pain...my arm is really ugly...i hate what i did .............but at the time i was so brain washed i thought i HAD TO  do it .........so it not like i was all after suicide.........suicide was after me....my eating disorder it like this i just gained 30 pounds over the winter because i eat to much and i hate myself for it.and i left my ex so i didnt get to bring home my trademill... i am very scared to be fat..while i was in the hospital i when from 160 to180 then 205...... after a little time...it was bad........i had to eat in the hospital it was it was my way of recovery.........last year i lost the weight went down to 137.......and everyone thinks thats way to skinny for me....to me i was still kinda fat... now im working out and going to get the weight off for the summer and then it will be back for winter...it *****.
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i understand what you mean about suicide being after you. But you said it's been three years. Its time to start living again. I'm on disability already. And it's ok to do that. But you could still look into getting a part time job. I don't know if this is how you feel or not, but for me i look back over my life i can't figure out where the last 6 years have gone... i can tell you where, in depression, in hospitals, in cutting, in eating disordered behavior, in isolation. I know you've kind of been in a rut, but don't let three more years go by before you do something about it. I only wish i'd had more help 3 years ago. so after 6 1/2 years of living hell, just watching the world pass by me, i'm doing something about it. Something to make the fact i'm alive worth it.
What do you enjoy?
As far as the weight goes, weight fluctates. It does sould like dropping from 205-137 is a huge loss. However gaining 30lbs over the winter i'm guessing puts you around 165, which i dont' know how tall you are, but could be a very healthy wieght. So try not to loose all 30. Fluctuating so much in wieght is not a good thing.
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Rach878 it is great to hear that you want to make something out of your life. It is so easy to just stay in a rut and not try and get better. Even though I am in therapy I dont think I feel like I want to get healthy but I do have hope when I hear stories of people like you who have been thru so much and are working on getting better.

Nart, are you seeing any type of therapist? I think you would benefit from getting some professional help. Maybe you could see a nutrionist and they could help get you on a healthy diet and get you to a healthy weight. I hope you start to feel better. Please stay safe.
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Thanks, but i'm really not that courageous. it's taken me to hit rock bottom before i decided to try harder. And honestly even though i really do want to get better, sometimes i am abivelent about treatment too.
I think even if  you just are motivated for one day, try to get the most out of that one day.
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i know i need to move on .............i have just moved home from my ex bf house it wasnt working  out.......and i was very unhappy with him...i never had a REALLY   good day in 4 years with him.......... i was out of my mind when i was with him.......i was unhappy with my self too so i needed to go ...............now im starting to see there is hope for me ......my be i can get a job but........i  dont have a car,   and i lost my licence like 3 weeks ago because of a car acident.no one wants to drive me around....... i live 10 sec from a wal-mart i could try there but ive already worked for walmart 2xs heres another thing i havent been around people in 4 year............i dont think i will fit in really so im scared to try...........i feel so not normal i dont want people to really know me because its all bull..only on the computer  can people tell what im really like.i couldnt talk like these in the real world.im just scared it wont work out im not even near the person i was its very disturbing to me......... my feelings emotion dont work... because f suicide or it could be because of the schizohrenia.i dont know...... i dont feel real any more ....... i started to eat better 2 days ago and exerciseing and im doing really good so fare and that helps...wraped i go to the doctor every three times a months ...medicine help but my doctor just listen to me they really dont tell me what i want to here........rach are you the same emotionally as always or did you change?  
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Rach878 you should be proud of yourself cause some people hit rock bottom and just decide to stay there. Everyone gets ambivalent about treatment, and that is ok, as long as you dont let your ambivalence stop you from getting help.

Nart I am glad to hear you got out of your bad relationship. That is sign that you are moving on and want to get better. I understand being very scared about dealing with people and the public but sometimes you just have to do it. Prove to yourself that you are strong and can face them. So what if people know the real you. You will be suprised how many people will appreciate someone who is real. Also most people I know have been pretty chill when I reveal to them about any of my psych problems. They just accept it as a part of me. They know me as a good friend and that is what is most important. I am also glad to hear you are eating better. Keep it up!
what do you mean when you say "they really dont tell me what I want to hear"? I personally dont want a doctor or therapist to just tell me what I want to hear because then I may never really get anywhere in my recovery if I am not challenged sometimes.
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i am so sick of food.....i hate food specially good tasteing food.......i just want to cry right now........its finally nice out so i can walk every day and excersice........if its not raining....and i really need to loses wieght..... if i lived alone i would have healthy food in my house and little of it......my mom sends $200 a week on food........and she bakes cookies and browns and cake every day..........so there is like alot of food around me.....ive gain 10 pounds sence i moved back in with my parents in little time...in my head it like i GOT TO eat perfect with the way i eat everyday..........and i was doing real good but then i seen some new browns in the fridge i had 2 browns couldnt conrol my self and it was the end of the world...i never feel good when i eat alot i feel unhealthy and fat....and need to sleep some times because i eat to much......after i ate the browns i felt so bad i went and pucked them up..because that way i can fix what i did.... i dont want to stay the same size for summer im trying really hard to loss weight now .... ....but i dont know if that will work because of all this food im around  .....i really hate being around food  it just makes it hard to do what i GOT to do.....i asked my mom to hide her food and she will not do it.....i dont puck all the time ....but i have done it before.....
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i mean they really dont help me out any... its not like they tell me step by step what to do......or where i should start....they just dont help you guys help more then my doctor
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i know i shouldnt  puke  and i dont want to do it again.......i guess i will just have to try harded to avoid food........
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Nart, I know you may not believe this because of the state you are in but a couple of brownies is ok. I dont know if you really need to lose weight cause if you are suffering from an eating disorder your preception of your body is probably a little messed up. Maybe you need to sit down and have a serious talk with your mother. Explain to her all the reasons why keeping unhealthy food around the house is very damaging to your physical and mental health. Tell her you need her support.
Well as much as people on here love to help a person in need, we should NOT be taking the place of professionals like doctors and therapists. We provide support but your recovery will depend mainly on you and a good doctor. If your doctors are working out maybe it is time to try and find new ones. Please stay safe.
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well im over weight at the moment i weigh 170 i feel very fat im 5.4 i should weight 137- 150 .... yesterday i when for a 60 min walk and i felt like i weight 205.....i mean really heavy and i had trouble walking couldnt breath it scared me ...normally i walk 85 mins and have no problem... i was thinking like i just messed upand im getting bigger....and i really didnt eat much yesterday.....so it might be because i was burning leaves and i was breathing a lot of the smoke in and choking.....then i went for a walk right after that........plus i smoke.......maybe smoking makes you feel heavy i dont know i just know i was scared because i remembered  feeling that way all the time when i was 205lbs........i wanted to cry i never want to be that big EVER again......i will do anything to avoid this.....  and to me 2 browns is junk food and i dont want to eat junk food and i dont want to eat alot either....starting not to long ago...
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i have 2 eating disorder in the winter i binge and im just now stopping that......now im switching to the person i love that really dont eat alot....
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my doctors are all ways new doctors all the time so i just need one doctor to stick aroundfor a while....
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Well to answer you question things emotionally have gotten a lot better from 2 years ago. I was so afraid of being with people i couldn't even stay in class, i had a hard time leaving the house, i had no friends.
Things are still hard, like going to the cafiteria, or jogging outside.. i have a few friends know. They know everything that is going on with me, but i still often feel out of there world..like they'll never understand what it's like to have baggage. But i cna go class, and things like that. Things will get better, once your mind starts getting better.
I know how you feel about the food. My mom buys cookies, icecream, hardly any friuts or veggies. I mean she knows i have an ed, and i'll ask her to make certain things for dinner, but she won't. I do understand you there.
Why do your doctors change so much?
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well my doctors move up in life and get better jobs so fare all of them..........we will see how long this doctor will last...........i really liked my doctor before this newer one.....but she had to go do better thiings......i understand i wouldnt want to be there either...i was woundering can people see your scares because i dont know what to say if someone ask me..i dont really want people to know that side of me............believe me i know what people are thinking i was one of them....all tell you the true i believed that you would go to hell if you   killed yourself  and you where a *** hole!......but i was tricked into doing what i did and thought i would go to heaven..........................so i know see about mental illness now and see its not the persons  falt most the time....90% of the people that atempt suicide are mentally ill. about half of all the people with schizohrenia atempt suicide some point in there lifes. 5% of this people that atempt suicided actually die....   10% of the homeless have schizohrenia ..in the united states 2-3 million persons have the illness more hospital beds are occuiped by persons with schzophrenia than any other psyhiatric illness....i could tell you more.....ohh and what is your eating disorder about....
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Nart, just like being 205 pounds is unhealthy, starving yourself is also unhealthy. I understand being scared about not wanting to go back to a very heavy weight. I use to way a lot but what I am doing to my body now is just as bad.

You said that you felt bad cause you couldnt walk for a very long time but that may not just be based in your weight. Even at my lowest weight I have never been able to walk for a very long time and I know some people who although they are very light, they have almost no endurance and they get tired very easily.

Also you said, "now im switching to the person i love that really dont eat alot". Your love of yourself shouldnt be based on whether you are starving yourself.

The whole issue with scars is something that anyone who has ever self injured goes thru. I recently had a relapse with my self injury and now I am dealing with trying to hide the scars on my arm because I work at a daycare center and I cant have those showing. One of the easiest things to do is wear long sleeves. It is harder to that in warmer weather but I usually manage. Also if someone asks you could just tell them that it is none of their business. Why should they have to know about your personal life. Plus you would be suprised at how many people already know someone who has self injured so it might not freak them out at all.

Also Nart, I have noticed that you seem to be very big on the fact that you have schizophrenic. Are you letting that fact rule your life? I know it is easy to just identify yourself as a mental illness but maybe you could try starting to identify yourself in other ways. I use to always just see myself as the "self injurer." Now I try to see myself as more healthy things, like a college student, a daycare worker, a babysitter, and a total geek (I am proud to say I love things like Star Trek). What other things (that are healthy) do you like and maybe you could try to focus more on those things?
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i wish i had somthing to say that was really good about myself but i will try  i like to watch little tv.......im on the computer all the time.....i have a cat that i love and a ginny pig that likes lettuce and carrots everyday.......... i hang out with my dad we watch south park and other cartoons.............i like to write but im not a good speller.........i  have 2 journals i write in.......i like to excersie pretty much every day...i would go to church but no one wants to go and i dont drive.....my dad doesnt believe in jesus any more im thinking because of me........but he says thats not why........i have 2 very talented smart sisters with great lives....1 is 22 the other is 30......thats my life..thats about it i think
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i know i need a job somthing good to do with my life........but i live in elkhart indiana the persident was just here 2 or 3 months ago saying elkhart is the worst place for jobs in the united states........my parents are LUCKY to have jobs right now..........so its like really hard to find a job because every one is looking for one...and its been that way for a while......2 months ago i went looking for a part time job......i went to like 10 places only 2 places gave me applications..........and that was when i would have had a ride to work from my boyfriend at the time jason.......last time i seen him he didnt have a job scense last october...its not good for any jobs right now......
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schizohrenia consumes my life because i dont really have any thing else to think about..........my emotions were level 1000 i just was on level 0 four 4 years but i feel a little now so im on level 1...............my doctor tells me the schizohrenia caused my feeling to go away.......but I THINK the suicide is what cause me to loss all my emotions im not sure what to believe....im starting to feel things a little like sadness,i felt anger tourd my mom the other day that is new....it always only for a few sec.....but all take what ever i can get...i LOVE emotions.....it was what made me price less.. ...and before this all happen i did think VERY highly of myself...i thought i couldnt be any better ....so i went from thinking i was the best to thinking im the  worst...its very hard on me... i just want to be old me #1 me the frist me......the me that felt love and happiness ALL DAY EVERY DAY!!! i just hate  problems......i wish i could wake up someone new someone untouched......not emotionally damaged and i CAN live with my suicide I acepted what i did .....my arm is fine but haveing no feelings in my heart kills me...........i feel like i have been cut off from God....i dont feel him any more   ....it *****........i really dont know that he is there any more.........today i had a dream that jesus told me i was not good anuff for him any more..and basically mad it seem like there was no hope.................i have dreams all the time and remember them.........my dad said i need to stop remembering my dreams ............and i write this stuff down......so i guess i need to stop doing this..
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you know guys i still need you to talk to me i think you guy can help me..........im glade for all the nallage you guy have and how positive you guys are........i need to relearn how to act...and what to say what not to say....i dont know what i should or shouldnt do...im just trying what it like to be real with some body you guys are the frist people i have talked to besides my ex..........so if you  guy tell me what i did wrong i could learn from this..........tell me what you see is wrong with me....i cant see good  throw my emotion so i seem different ...and i hate being different but i am ......and you guys got to help me fix  these thing that are wrong with me that you can see......only if somebody could tell me how to  improve on  from a different perspactive a doctor cant do **** for me but you guys can because you got to know me for a while.....if you guess dont talk to me i will never tell any body what happened to me again...... because i will know people cant handle the turth about me...and one of you said i should be able to tell it like it is.......i thought med help was all about helping people out........maybe its not.......
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Nart, are you annoyed that we didnt respond instantly? I try to be on here everyday but I do have things in my life I have to do. Work, school, friends, family, and today I got braces put on my bottom teeth. My mouth has been hurting a lot so I have been trying to just sleep all day so I dont have to deal with the pain. Med Help is about helping people but we cant stop living our lives and just be online 24/7. I am glad to hear that you want to relearn things. I am hoping you mean relearning things in a healthy way. Please stay safe and know that even if you dont get a response right after you post, know that someone will respond eventually, it just may take them some time.
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yes, people can see my scars. One are especially is clearly scared up. Both wrists have very visible slashes from where i got stiches, by legs in the summer too, but only when i wear a bathing suit. To tell you the truth, at school kids used to tease me, when i was still cutting, which only made it worse, calling me scar arms and asking if they could see like i was some kind of freak. Know i know people see them, but no one ever really says anythign to me. I know teachers worry more about hurting my feelings and stuff, but most of the time i don't get any comments. You could try scare cream, it helps.
My eating disorder is something i'v had since i was 13 and it started for the same reasons cutting did which i will tell you more about late. Right know i have to get ot class/
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you guy im sorry that i thaught you were avoiding me..........its been a couple of days scence any of you responded ...i got hurt because i really thought we were starting to be friends..........i really need people to talk to.....you 2 are the only ones i talk to... i dont no how to use messanger.......or if there reallly are free chat rooms............. you both didnt responed and it made my feel bad........it made me feel like i will never ever have any friends. so im sorry i thaught that.............rach did you say you have scares on your legs??
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im interasted in both you guys eating disordes......................
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Nart, a day or two of no response is not something to worry about. If sounds like you have some issues of abandonment, maybe that is something you should talk about with a therapist.

Also it sounds like you are starting to get super dependent on us talking to you. That is NOT healthy. I went thru a phase like that where how I felt or what I did depended upon who I talked to online. It wasnt a good thing because I sometimes would end up harming myself because of what people said.

I am glad that you like to talk to us but I think you really need to try and find some real life friends. Friends on the internet are kind of ok but real life friends are much better. Plus real life friends can give you a lot of things online friends cant. You can hang out with real life friends and the only support we can give you is thru a bunch of words while a real life friend could give you support thru words and things like a hug.

I know that you are scared about meeting people but it sounds like that would be one of the best things for you to do. I think part of reason you arent meeting people is because you are your own worst enemy. You give all these reasons for why you cant meet people but if you gave yourself half a chance I am sure you could meet some good people in the real world.

Please dont become dependent on people online for your happiness because it really isnt a healthy thing to do. I dont mind that you want our support and I am willing to talk but what happens if we stop going online? What if for someone reason both me and Rach878 arent able to be online for a few days or even a week? You need to start to learn some self help techniques. Maybe journaling since it sounds like you really just need someplace to vent out your feelings. Please stay safe.
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you are right i really like to talk to you guys..........and it was somthing i thought would happen everyday.............but i under stand you guys have lifes ......i just needed to know why none of you were responding......i spend all day wishing i had some one to talk to.........i really dont know how to go about finding friends in the real world where to start ??? i do have old friends but i dont really want them to see how much i have changed...i use to be really postive but now im kinda negitive.....i just dont know what to say to them..............new people sounds like something i would try......if i could get messager set up i think i would be good and find some people from elkhart on here ...
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yes i do have scars on my legs from cutting.
I agree with wrapedreflections. It is good to talk to people online for support and i'll be happy to continue talking to you, but friends in the real world is great too.
My eating disorder started as bulimia when i was 13, and stayed as bulimia for a long time. When i just turned 18 it moved onto anorexica and bulima to gether.
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how many scares onyour legs and any were elses......i have 2 on my ankes  that wasnt work so i stabed my self in the stmoch that was really painful but the cutting really didnt hurt at the time....i got a scares on my neck you cant really see that one im glade....and both wrist and right arm.....so you can see im left handed ....i couldnt move any more or esle that arm would be damaged to. my suicide lasted from 6am to1100am then i got help it was really not good....but i know FOR SURE i will not ever do it again....I had to learn the hard way....wraded what is this about weigh 126 and want to get to 90 pound....when i was 16 i got down to 99 pound size 0.......i dont think i could ever do that again.....plus it wouldnt be good....
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hey  rach wraped whats up...wraped what is your real name....im going shopping today get some clothed i love clothes and shopping.... im going shopping today all day i go every friday with my mom to mishawka we sometimes go to the Mall, all the time to T.J Max ,Rue21 ,Target,Pet Smart ,Sam Club it will be fun i love fridays its nice to be able to do these things..................
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i also have scars on my breasts and stomach. it's g.ood your going out today
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I think the talking about scars and weights need to stop. This could be very triggering to some people. This is a forum for healthy support and conversations about "how many scars someone has" or "what someone's lowest weight was" are conversations I usually have found on unhealthy forums that are just concerned with staying with unhealthy behaviors.

Nart, I am glad to hear you are going out. That is a really great thing for you to do. This is a sign that you are getting better. I encourage you to go out as often as you can because staying inside all day can make you really depressed and then you might just focus on negative thoughts.
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ook i will not talk about it no more............hey guys i just got a new cell phone and all have some pictures online  soon.......today was great and really nice out side....i agree staying in side will make you deperssed .........well im glade to say i lost 4 inches around my waist my pants are loser and i can fit in some of my shirts and im looking thinner now its cool.................talk to you guys later.
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I am glad to hear that you had a good day but I am not sure if I can be happy about your weight loss. Are you starving still? cause I wont support weight loss done by unhealthy behaviors.
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im ok i been eating more then i want too........i had  a big piece of cake right before bed last night....and im not starving....i dont think i have an eating problem yet.........im doing good....
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"i dont think i have an eating problem yet" - Hold on a minute. Two things I want to address. One you said you already did have an eating disorder and two the word "yet" implies that things are going down hill.

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in the middle of winter i have bad eating disorder and then not now but later in the summer i might have a problem..because its happen in the past like that warmer it gets the less i eat....whats up with your weight 126-90 pounds???how tall are you...
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I dont want to explain about my weight in these forums because what I say may be triggering.
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oh really ........then i dont need to no.....i started running today plus my normal walking.it was great its been 4 years scense i ran .........it is nice to get started running again....
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Nart, I am starting to get concerned because it sounds like you might be starting to over exercise. Please be careful.
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lol........i dont think im over exercising but it could happen...........im just getting started
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i think it very healhy actually ............i am starting to feel really good....
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I really happy for you that your starting to feel good. But warped reflections is right. Where you have had eating disorded behavior before, and it sounds like you anticipating having it again, you do need to be careful on your amount of exercise, running a mile or two a day is fine, but dont' over do it. I don't want to see you back into an eating disorder, especially where your mood seems to be better.
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Just curious has anyone gotten an update from Natalieedear? She was the one who started this post and I wanted to know if she was doing any better. Nart, Rach878, and I all got very off the topic that Natalieedear first posted and I thought it would be polite to get back on topic about what she posted.

Hey Natalieedear, if you read this, I wanted you to know that I hope you are doing well. Please remember that you can always find support here and please stay safe.





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i havent gotten any up dates form natalie..........im sorry its taking me so long to get my pics on the computer...........i dont know much about computer and how to down lode pics....but  i have  been haveing some fun taking the pics..i ran 30 mins today and walked 50 mins....running is way different than walking ..i dont feel i get a good workout really from walking ..but with running you work you body so hard you feel feel a big difference on working out ......
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Thank you very much for all your comments its really helped me, i've lost quite a bit of weight recently but nothing ridiculous. Could anybody please help me find a way to write about depression please? i dont know how to sign up to the depression bit? im more considered about that than i am my weight, my weight is nothing to major at the moment i just really didn't want it to increase into anything more. Thank you very much for all your support guys, it has really helped, if anybody could chat to me about depression that would really help, i have quite alot on that subject, but i recently chatted with a school teacher because i believed it would help. but it really hasnt it just made me worse and continue to hurt myself xx
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Hi natalie

Good to hear from you, I was worried about you because the thread kind of went off a bit. There is a forum on here for Depression you might want to check out. You didn't say if you get any help with your depression. I'm guessing not because you said you recently chatted with a teacher and it didn't really help. Teachers might be understanding and caring but they don't necessarily have any experience with Depression. Depression isn't the same as just feeling down. It is a real illness just like the flu or diabetes. And just like those diseases you need appropriate treatment. If you are hurting yourself than you need help, and if you think you might be depressed than you should see a Counselor. Ask at school for a referall to a Counselor or Therapist. They may want you to start with the school counselor but usually that person isn't a mental health professional, though some of them do have experience and understanding of some emotional issues. But chances are that person will talk to you for awhile and then refer you to someone more qualified. It sounds like you really need support for what you are going through.
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Hello. I would love to talk more with you if you would like to pm me. Depression is something that is ongoing. Infact it could be one of the reasons you don't feel like eating. And hurting yourself is  a serious issue. Do you parents/teachers know anything that is going on? I can understand why your doing the things that your doing, but i agree with Zoelula. What you may benifit from most is talking with your school consler, about helping you find a theripist, or someone that you can talk to in person. Everyone here is happy to help and support you, but what your going to really need is to sit face to face with someone adn really talk aobut why your depressed, and not eating, adn perticipating in self harm, and know is the best time, before it gets out of hand,adn starts to run your life. Trust me, because i did just that. I didn't listen to people around me telling me i needed help, and all the things that your doing right know took ahold of me for four years. I dont' want you four years from know to look back and say where did my life go.
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Talking to my teacher really didn't help, she didnt seem to understand atall she just watched me cry, she even made me talk to her in the middle of the school corridoor which was really awkward as everyone that walked past could see me crying and i felt as though i couldn't speak to her about what i wanted as any of the kids passing by could hear. Rach, i think that is the reason i don't feel like eating. Im depressed constantly because of mainly what my dad has done, and during the times when i used to speak to my dad he called me fat and told me i needed to go to the gym all the time. Which really knocked my confidence even more and it didnt help that my family ( on myu dads side) called me fat all the time too, i mean they even bought me a 'shock yourself thin' chocolate box for chirstams, which basically you put you chocolate in there and then everytime you try to get it out it electricutes you. That didnt really help matters.

Rachael, my dad has no clue i havent spoke to him for nearly half a year ( so somebody is coming to see me on tuesday about it ) and my mum, well she;s going through enough as it is at the moment, so i just stay upstairs in my dark room most nights and then thats when i will hurt. I would speak to a councellor in school but the problem is i don't actually think my school has one :/ i have considered seeing a doctor one of the nights when my mum is at work but then remembered you have to go with a parent to see a doctor. So that wouldn't really help.Im not sure if you know anything about mediators. but if i told them about what im doing to myself, do you reckon they would be able to help me? Im really not sure. The thing is there is a girl in my year, who is just like me, she hurts herself, she cries most days and her parents are going through a divorce, but the thing is she is alot more popular than me, so whenever she is upset ( which is most days just like me) the teachers take alot of notice to her as she is  always surrounded by the majority of people in my classes. Im really thankful for all your help and advice and i have tried to stop being the way i am but it really doesnt work. I still manage to hurt myself and sit in a depression by myself thinking of various ways to end it all. I know its so silly because im pretty young but i just don't seem to enjoy anything atall, the silliest things wind me up. xx
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Sweetie, i want you to listen to me ok....A mediatior might help you...but as far as seeing a doctor are there any free clinics near your house that you could get to? You don't have to go with a parent, and they might be able to help you more than a mediator. I would ask someone, a tearcher, anyone if you have a school counsler, a guidance consler. I'm sure you do.
How do you hurt yourself? And if your so depressed you can't eat... you really need someone to help you. I know you said your mom has a lot on her plate, but trust me, she'd want to help you.
I get that you dont' like your dad, adn i don't blame you, since he's calling you fat and everything, but i get the feeling there's something more to the reason you dislike him, that is contributing to your depression.

I have some numbers that i want you to call when you feel like hurting yourself, or your thinking about ending your life. They are free and anynomus.
Suicide prevention lines in the UK
1850 60 90 91
1850 60 90 90
8457 90 90 90
Suidice prevention lines in the US
(617) 247-0220
1800-252-8336
(508) 999-7267
(508) 673-3777
A website with more numbers for anywhere in any country is:
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
Please use them, and let me know how your doing.



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Thank you for your advice, I live in the woods pretty much by myself and i have 1 neighbour about 2 minutes away so i can't really go to see a clinic anywhere near me. But the only way i could find out if we had a school councellor is by seeing a nurse and she already has it in for me as she had to bring me into the canteen one day and watch me eat tomato soup and bread as i hadn't been in the canteen for 5 months, she said she was going to make sure the school cooks made sure i was coming in, so for about a week i started eating again and then i stopped and just hung outside. The thing is she knows i don't eat as everyday she goes in the canteen and asks the girls in my year where i am.

I usually engrave things into my skin with a compass, and scissors or anything around me that will take the pain out on me. I feel as though my mum and dads divorce and all the arguing they do is my fault. I have many reasons why i don't speak to my dad, but he's now really ruined the very last bit of his relationship with me as he has started a new family with his girlfriend, his girlfriend who claimed i bully her even thought i havent spoke to him for over a year now. I burst out into tears on Thursday as I was sat by myself on the bus too school and my dad drove across the roundabout and it just made me think about all the things he has done and it made my cry and hurt myself again when i got home.
When i am alone and my phone is charged, i will ring one of them numbers.
thank you very much, this site is really helping xx
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I absolutely agree with everything Rach said and I think it's great she gave you those numbers. We're really worried about you nataliee. I can hear you're in a lot of pain and you feel like it will never get better. It can! I'm much older than you and when I was your age I felt just as bad, had an eating disorder, was depressed, self-mutilated...all of it. I thought I was a piece of **** and nobody would ever care about me; I sure didn't care about myself. I've since learned that I'm a pretty good person and I deserve good things. I have a happy life and am writing a book about what I went through. I nearly died several times but I guess a very little part of me always believed if I hung in there it could get better. Almost like my adult self was calling from the future, saying "hang in there, Zoe, you're worth it!"

Think of us like people who can see you in a happy future and are calling to you to hang in there. But you can't do it on your own, and people on a website are good support but not enough. Talk to the nurse, ask your teachers about a counselor, go to a clinic near your school, dial the phone. Look in your phonebook under Mental Health. I know there are free mental health services available somewhere near you.

Is there any adult you can trust? If there is one person, a neighbor, a relative, a friend's parent, whatever, tell that neighbor you need help and let them help you get it. We want you to be ok. You CAN get better, I promise you!
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There is always hope.  If you can lean on someone to support you to seek help that would be great.  Getting to a professional who can help you is important.  To learn more about eating disorders and level of cares visit the bella vita website.  Best, Dr Patricia Pitts  
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I am sorry for the way your feeling right now. I know the nurse seems like she's being a pain,but it's out of genuin concern. Since she already knows your not eating lunch, she probably has a good idea that your in trouble. She sounds like the perfect person to start with for help. I know it's hard, but if you want to feel better you need help, from someone.
I used to think that  being depressed, and eating disordered, and self harming...were just the way that i was ment to live. That i somehow messed things up and didn't have a future beyond pain...I'm still struggling wtih many things, but for the most part, i see that what's happened to me in life that's caused this pain...wasn't because i did something, but because sometimes obsticales in life..which can really suck are there for a reason. I was hospitalized several times for self harm and attempting suicide, and it helped. I'm on meds, which help my mood, and i'm not so depressed anymore. "Infact sometimes i'm geniuanly happy, which is something i haven't been in awhile. I'm still struggling wiht an eating disorder, but this summer i'm going into a program for it. And when i get better, i konw that i'm suppose to help people...people like us...people who are ready to give up, people who cut, who throw up, who starve...and no matter what it takes i will make a diffference...even if it's just one person...
So what i'm trying to tell you is...with the right help, you can find a road better than the one your on.
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Thats exactly how i feel at the moment, i know my mum cares for me, but to be honest thats about the only person. and my boyfriend, Dom, too. But i can't talk to him about it because all he ever says is 'your not fat! your perfect' but i feel as though he's only saying that because he feels he has too. I'm going to have to think about who to tell, because when i spoke to my teacher the other day i told her i will eat one meal a day, and even that isn't proper and all she said is 'oh, thats enough to be eating a day' so she didnt really help. I find it helps me, like you, to get everything i'm feeling out by writing, but the story i just wrote was about me killing myself :/ which then led to me hurting myself again! xxx
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I would talk to the nurse, but the thing is she has a daughter in my year and i really don't want her to tell her because her daughter, Harriet, doesn't particularly like me.I'm glad your alot better than before, and im so glad theres people out there that i can relate too.I hope your eating disorder becomes better soon, and i wish you the best of luck with your progamin summertime. Thank you ever so much xx
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I understand your hesitation about telling your school nurse. Although i don't think she could tell her daughter anyway. If your not good with telling her, do you think you could ask her if there is a guidance counsler at your school for you to talk to.
It souns like your boyfriend just doesn't know how to approach the subject, of your eating or your self harm. Speaking of your eating how has it been going. I konw you told a teacher you would try to eat a meal a day, so how's it working?
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I really don't want the nurse to know mind, i don't know her atall,and well yes im not too sure why i don't want her to know im just not to fond of telling her. I hurt myself again in History today, i started shaking like crazy and pinched some scissors and cut many little slits all up my arms. Eating has been alot better to be honest, i had a little pasta salad for dinner tonight and nothing for breakfast and nothing for lunch, so i guess thats pretty good.  xo
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Honey,

Having a little pasta salad for dinner and nothing for breakfast and nothing for lunch is not pretty good. It is restricting; you need to eat more to be healthy.

You are asking us for help when you tell us about hurting yourself, but you really need to ask for help in person, whether it is from the nurse, a counselor, an adult of any kind. We care about you and are worried.
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Well its 11:51 am over here, and i've ate a wagon wheel so far, i doubt i will want to eat anything later as the mediator is coming to see me about my father.

I guess so, oncei last wrote too you last night i then went into my room after that and cut my arms with a pair of scissors, it felt great seeing blood, which is so silly i know. I then fell asleep so didn't manage to hurt myself again. I don't want to have to speak to anyone about it mind
xo
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I know you don't want to talk to anyone, but you have too. Things are going to just get worse if you don't get help. I'm proud of you for eating what you did eat, but Zoelula is right that is restricting. And your hurting yourself mulitple times a day. do you think you could talk to the mediator about this when there there?
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the mediator came today, as it was the first time she just introduced herself and stuff and asked me really random questions, i couldnt tell her about anything though as my mum was sat infront of me and my brother on the other side of me, so that was kind of awkward. Although she is coming back again too see me, but just me on my own this time so i guess i could speak to her then. All i've ate today was that wagon wheel and im not having my dinner tonight as i told mum i wasnt hungry, Dom also found out about the cuts on my arm, but only on my arm so thats a relief. He really wasnt to impressed and it kind of freaked him out a bit and he just told me that he was here for me, which didnt really help atall, but in all fairness i was about to get on my bus home so he couldnt really say anything else anyway. xo
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