I'm afraid I'm developing Anorexia?

I'm 18, Five foot four and now 115.2lbs.

I've been either on, or about to start a diet since my freshman year of high school. I've never been happy with my weight, My body image *****. I'm so fat, and even if people tell me I'm not I can't believe it.

I calorie count addictively, have since Freshman year as well.
I was and sorta still am depressed and self-destructive.

Monday of this week, I woke up and I don't know what happened, I just KNEW I wasn't going to eat anymore. I'm not sure what happened.

Monday I had 500 calories in total.
Tuesday I had 416
Today I had 430

I chewed & spit some sweets yesterday to satisfy my craving. I felt guilty all day, worrying that the calories got in anyhow.

Today I messed up, I bought a cheese pizza, ate the crust and three smallish bites from the actual pizza.
I felt guilty and disgusted with myself for the rest of the day. I was extreamly irrtated and depressed. I wanted to throw it up but I've never been able to make myself throw up. (Yes I've tried.)

I was 122lbs last week, today I weighed in at 115.2lbs.

One of my friends is worried and said that this isn't healthy or normal, and that it's an eating disorder.
But I'm not underweight and I do eat some, just not over 500 calories.

What is you're opinion? What do you think is wrong or right?

[Lila_Hyde]

Awww, I'm so sorry for you.

First off, let me tell you that it isn't only about calories. You need calories (coming from someone who's been starving herself for years,it might sound a bit odd, but you do). Let me make it simple : to be slim and toned, you need to exercise. To exercise, you need strenght. To have strength you need food. Simple as.
No food means weakness and feeling exhausted 24/7, thus no sports, thus a skinny yet wobbly body. And no-one wants that.

And today you're eating 500 cal/day. What makes you think that it won't get worse ? When I started dieting at 14 I was on 600/day. Today I'm on 150 every four days, basicly I have two 150 cal meals a week. And All day long I feel weak, somedays I don't even get out of bed. I was going to uni but I quit, I've stopped seeing most of my so called friends... This whole thing started 6 years ago and I'm still not done with it. Is that what you want ? I ended up in hospital, weighing 98lbs (and I'm 5ft9). And even at 98, I'd cry to my mum about how fat I was. So starting such a diet won't make you feel better about yourself. And I'm gonna leave aside the details about the binging and purging, but it does end up coming along.

Besides, your current weight for your height is perfectly normal, slim. If you "feel fat", instead of dieting, try exercising. Play a sport that you like, or go jogging. Personally, jogging helps me feel less worse about myself. Plus if you just stop eating, it's likely that you won't lose any fat but muscle, which weighs more than fat itself.

I think you should definitly see a therapist before you get too lost in it. It's not to late for you babe !

[awesome_mom_12]

I think ur weight is normal. I am 17years old i am 5'7 and i weigh 110 my doctor said that i am underweight she told me i should be arould 115 or 120 so i think this is normal. I have the same thing i get really hungry but when i eat something i eat a little bit and then i dont feel hungry at all.

[allmymarbles]

Stand in front of a full-length mirror and look at yourself. You are not fat. Five hundred calories a day will not sustain a girl your age. You will continue to lose weight and lose all your curves and your health. You have to get rid of this notion that skinny is beautiful. It isn't. It's ugly, especially in a woman. Ask any man.

[allmymarbles]

At your age I was 5'5" and weighed 115 pounds. But I am a very light-boned person so had plenty of curves. Even if you are light-boned, you should weigh around 125 to look your best. But if you have a sturdier frame you should weigh more than that. I had a friend about the same height as me. She was heavy-boned and if her weight fell below 140 she looked awful. So it is not just the pounds we are looking at.