Hello Doctor,
How can one learn about the damage they've done to their body after a lifetime of bulimia? Is there somewhere confidential where one could go to figure this out? I am 20 years old and worried about all the damage that i have done in the last 7 years.
I have been throwing up for 7 years, since I was 13 and just cant stop. It has just gotten worse since I have been in college. I go to a competitive top 20 uni. and am always under stress. I never used to throw up every meal, but now I do and I only eat once a day (for the past entire year). This all started when I was a freshman in high school. I lost a lot of weight because i stopped eating and dropped down to size 1 at 5'10. The strange thing is no one from my family ever thought it was a big deal and encouraged my dieting. Some of my teachers and my coach noticed, but they didnt do anything either except talk to me once or twice about weight loss.
I then switched to throwing up occasionally and always limiting what i eat. Now I always throw up. I eat in my dorm room and then throw up. I know its disgusting. At the moment, no one would expect me to have a problem with eating as I am average weight at size 4, 5'10, 140 pounds. I did develop a heart condition though last year (irregular /slow heart beat) which caused me to faint which i know must be a result of all this. I dont ever foresee admitting that I have a problem to anyone and I doubt anyone will ever notice. Everyone I know thinks everything is fine because i have a lot of friends, do well in school, have a lot of activities, etc... A lot of friends say to me "i wish i could be you," but inside i just feel miserable and depressed. Im not the type of person who will go for help, though im sure that will be the advice you will give me. I could never admit this horrible, embarrassing habit to anyone. I just wanted to know if there is any confidential way i could find out how much horrible damage i have done to myself. I really dont want to die. I have a lot to live for, but i dont want to be fat either and just cant stop. I am really scared that I am going to die. I know what i am doing is completely stupid, moronic, etc... but i just cant stop. Every time I eat something, I feel full and need to throw up. Its weird, but everyone always says on these help sites to get help from a doctor, but i cant do that. I dont want to admit it to anyone and also i am on my parents insurance and dont have any funds of my own to pay for a doctor and i definitely would not go for help at school where i could run into someone.
Anyway, Thanks.