I don't know how to articulate this. I don't even know how to deal with this situation.
I spoke to my GP earlier. He's at a complete loss. He said he spoke with the Director of Mental Health.
Our mhs is severely under-resourced. Unless someone's in crisis they won't help.
My GP recommended I didn't pre-empt that. I feel like I've been existing there for a long time now though.
At times, I feel things are pretty bad and I don't think I'm coping.
I feel a little better at the moment, not much but a little. I think I've been unwell and have now split everything off. I'm feeling angry and resentful but for the most part I just don't care. When I split like this I feel like I have more control. For example, instead of binging I am now restricting and exercising.
Splitting is probably also very unhealthy for me. In this phase I'll set myself goals which I'll inevitably not achieve and then my mood will deteriorate. It also means I have difficulty accessing treatment.
I don't know what to do.
I could sit down and read your book and hope that helps with other aspects of my life, or ...
Talking to people from the psych services feels very threatening and unsafe.
I don't have the resources to relocate or to find a private T. I don't have the energy to fight the service to provide appropriate care. I'm severely stressed. I have no money, no job, no education, no skills. I have difficulty relating. I haven't maintained a stable weight for longer than one week for forever. My family are un-supportive. Recent therapy was making me worse.
Everything is a mess. I'm stressed. I feel I have no private or personal space.
(In therapy my last T did that m(other)/ me stuff. I don't have good psychological boundaries and I use my body as a defense. Having people intrude and violate that boundary is stressful -even if it is for my own benefit (breast health, etc)).
I just feel really bad and can't seem to take control of the situation.
I guess I was hoping there was a quick fix to this situation. I forget that doctors, etc are human too. Sometimes it feels like they withhold services.
Yesterday my GP said he had read a paper which said 50-60% of our issues are underlying and difficult to treat while 20% are relatively easy and can have the greatest impact on our lives.
I think my current difficulties are a result of surgery, etc and not sleeping. I think fatigue is leaving me emotionally vulnerable.
It was not my intention to push my issues (and also your limits and patience, etc).
I do hear what you're saying.
I need to back off a bit and give everyone some space. Probably most of all myself.
Perhaps with time I'll be able to get on top of things and problem solve the T issue myself. When I'm stressed I have a tendency to lose sight of the bigger picture.
Thank you for the reality check. I hope your book is going well.
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