I was just reflecting on some of the questions and answers on these forums.
I have been confused by the starting and ending with reality. I imagine I'm splitting this so it's not conforming. If I compare it to say a journey for example, it seems to make more sense and feels more concrete.
I canceled my therapy sessions. I felt the new T was unable to contain me and establish boundaries and it felt threatening and unsafe. I need it to be safe to discuss emotional issues.
I was reflecting on when I began having issues with body image, food and weight.
My older sister told me I was fat. Then when I stopped eating I was too thin. My sister envies me certain things. I would have liked to have been treated an equal (and not been judged). (After weight it was intellect).
When my brother was younger he told me in tears one day that I got all the attention. I think I sabotaged most things after that so that he had space. I didn't need to do that, my brother is intelligent, honest and caring.
Did I risk my happiness for my bother's and his self-esteem?
I was feeling the option of reality as the basis for decision making made everything seem more realistic. Achievable somehow. More empowering.
My question is affected by both mental health and emotional eating issues.
On the subject of personal responsibility, do you believe that if a person is feeling suicidal that that is their sole responsibility? I'm feeling confused about a lot of things. I just don't want to make a mistake because I don't understand.
Is this manageable alone if I concentrate on reality? The reality where things unfold naturally. Is working through my emotional eating issues enough for now?
"Go back to your reality and make your life work." Is this enough? Does it work for a fragmented internal world?
This feels like my only hope and lifeline at the moment.
Sorry for asking these questions.
J