Scared

[Jazzie64]

It's got to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go a day without thinking about food and analysing it and thinking how if only i could lose more weight i would be happy. Im not fat of overweight of anything i just detest myself. It just seems like everything is getting too much and piling up and as soon as i sort one problem another one comes along. i dont know maybe this is my retarted way of coping but i just cant have this hanging over me this year as im taking my GCSEs. I don't think i have an eating disorder - at least not a proper one because i seem to come in and out and sometimes i think maybe it would be easier if i could just make up my mind but maybe its because i know its not right. I've tried to purge so many times but i cant do and then i just feel like even more of a failure but i think its getting out of control. I'm always cold and tired and i cant concentrate, my hair is falling out and my heart randomly decides to beat at like 220 bpm (that was today and lasted like 20 minutes) and i dont know what to do. im too scared to tell anyone because my friends are so judgemental and im meant to be the strong one in my family but i dont think i am anymore. I dont want to be like this anymore but i dont know where to turn to.
i know this proably is just some giant rant that doesnt make sense but i cant keep it locked away any more. please help :(

[Zoelula]

I think the last post was meant for Jazzie instead of me!
Zoe

[laura797]

First of all - congratulations on how mature you are in approaching the issue. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are facing a possible problem, and you should be proud of yourself for recognising it. As suggested above - if you don´t know how to discuss it with your parents, maybe try to write a letter. If your parents are not responsive, please talk to someone else - a nurse at school, your GP, a sports teacher.. they have been all trained in similar situations and should be able to help. Just don´t keep it for yourself. My teenage brother suffers from anorexia, but he wouldn´t admit it (to himself, or anyone alse). It´s killing me to see him destroy himself, but there´s little I can do. I only wish he was as smart as you and decided to act before it´s too late. Keep my fingers crossed for you girl!

[Zoelula]

You know your parents better than anyone else, but it doesn't matter how you say it, just that you tell them you think you need help. They love you and they probably have sensed something wasn't right without knowing what it is. If you have trouble finding the words you can just print out your post here. I don't know your parents so I don't know how they will respond, but sometimes it's a human tendency to try and deny problems hoping they go away, or if they are the sort of people uncomfortable with feelings they might not know how to respond. If they tell you it is not really a problem or to "get over it" then it might be time to try talking to a teacher or a school counselor who can be more objective. But the "how" you say it isn't important, just that you speak from your heart and ask for help.

[Jazzie64]

Thanks for replying. i don't know how to ask my parents. How can i just come out an say it?

[Zoelula]

Actually it makes a lot of sense and you did a good job on describing what you are going through and how you feel. It doesn't matter what you call it but you know you are in trouble and you are miserable and overwhelmed. I understand about your being scared to tell anyone because you don't want to be judged. You've told us here, I think, because you knew you wouldn't be judged. You have a problem, an illness; that doesn't make you a bad person. That pressure of being "the strong one" is probably part of what has gotten you there. You DO need to ask for help because that's the only way to start to feel better. Trust me that recovery from what you are going through is possible. I had an eating disorder for most of my life and now have 15 years recovery. I'm totally free from worrying about food and weight and that freedom is everything to me.

Talk to someone you trust, whether it is a parent, a family friend, another relative, whoever. Talk to your doctor and ask him/her for a referral to a therapist experienced with eating disorders. You may also be suffering from depression or anxiety which needs to be addressed; eating issues come from emotions, not just the desire to be thin and so the emotions have to be dealt with to get better. You could also attend a meeting of OA, look in the phonebook under overeater's anonymous; they are free and you would meet other people who know what you are going through. Keeping it secret keeps you sick. You've taken the first step by posting here, now you need to ask for help in real life. Let us know how it goes.
Zoe