what am I? eat all day or nothing

[dealingwithpains]

When I was young, I used to hate eating.
Then I started eating a lot when I became a teenager.
Now I am in 30's, I either eat 24/7 or nothing at all...

Now days, I don't eat much, it's been like this for a month.
I do drink water and some fruits but I just can't swallow food through my throat.
I am sure it's related with stress or I am too depressed.

what am I?

[Jaquta]

I too have been diagnosed with bpd.  
My understanding is that the over-eating is a maladaptive way of dealing with unmet emotional needs.  One of my T's had a saying:  needy - greedy.  If there is a need there that is not being met you will look to compensate for it in other ways.  So for example, if I feel tired, lonely, bored, frustrated, etc I may turn to food (or other negative behaviors) to fulfill that need.  The better solution is to identify the need and fulfill that.
Usually the food issues relate back to early childhood developmental issues.  Ultimately it's just a way to nurture and comfort ourselves.  Especially at times when we feel very raw emotionally.

I was having heaps of chests pains earlier and my understanding was that it was from stress and anxiety.  A while back my GP prescribed iron supplements for anemia and soon after the chest pains subsided.  It's always hard to know exactly where the pains do come from.  You should probably discuss them with your doctor before you allow them to be fobbed off by either stress or anxiety.

Are you able to put words to those pains?  Sometimes it's about events and feelings.  If we don't deal with those we just express them as physical symptoms.

I understand how difficult it is to work through all this alone.  Yes, it is tough and yes it can leave you questioning many things and safety can become an issue.

You don't have to talk about anything you don't want too.  You have control over your therapy sessions and what you discuss or don't discuss.
What I have found that works really well is being open and honest about your thoughts and feelings.  If you're afraid, tell your T you're afraid.  Therapy can be hard but if you have a really good T it will make the whole process a lot easier.

For someone with bpd that sort of questioning is just too open and leaves too many options.  That sort of question would leave me feeling overwhelmed and confused.

Last week I got the, "What do you want me to do?" from my GP and "What do you want me to say?" from my T.  A little common sense and initiative from these guys would be nice.  Sometimes I find it embarrassing needing to explain everything repeatedly in detail and still not have them get it.  You don't want to have to repeat things that you find very sensitive over and over.  Or I don't anyway.

Not eating gives you a sense of control.  For a limited period though until you start eating or are forced to eat.

That last address I gave you was from a previous T (who was really good) who specialized in both bpd and eating disorders.

Talk to your doctor about how you feel.  Maybe medication to bring down your stress may be appropriate.

Good luck with everything.  There's a bpd forum on this site if you want to check that out.  The support varies but you may find some of it useful.

[Jaquta]

What are you?  You're an intelligent individual with an emotional eating problem.

I have a history of doing the same (I either severely overeat or severely restrict).  I relate this most to my black and white thinking.

Stress can do that.  I've been quite stressed and just the pressure of trying to balance up energy in versus energy out is enough to put me off food.  It's a nice change from eating all the time but it just seems to creature more confusion around food and body image, etc.
Depression affects appetite.

Just a thought about the swallowing.  I'm the same but with medication.  I've been prescribed antibiotics and iron supplements and that's a huge mission just trying to get them down.  I relate mine to past experiences and negative attitude towards medication.  Yours could be a psychological way of rejecting food or nurturing.

I think you should speak to a doctor, psychiatrist or even psychotherapist.

Dr Gould has a website (shrinkyourself.com) that you may find useful.

Are you not eating because you can't swallow?  That's a medical matter.

[Jaquta]

I think sometimes due to our issues and experiences it can feel validating to be understood by another individual.  You seem the most clued up doctor I've ever spoken too (written too).  I think many health professionals do a lot of damage when they don't understand and force treatment in a meaningless way to the patient.  I think it reinforces as opposed to extinguishes behavior.

I am just another member with views and opinions.
Some experts don't like, or even appreciate, other members feedback.  I like those who are receptive too and encourage all members feedback.

I have found accepting that I can't get answers (for my issues) from you difficult (?rejecting, sobering).
It is frustrating accessing T's, etc who don't have the skill or experience while the person with the expertize is seemingly inaccessible.
I accept that part of this is due to the disorder (?to me) (to life symptoms).
I haven't thought too seriously about what role trying to help others plays.  I don't want others to feel alone though when they have questions or problems.  I don't want to feel alone when I need help or support.

To dealingwithpains (a very apt user name too).  I hope you feel you have been able to unburden yourself some with your T.  Being able to leave stuff with a T and not carry it with you constantly can make a huge difference to you and your life.  I appreciate it can take a little time though to develop that level of trust, security and confidence.

To help me achieve balance with what I eat I joined weight watchers.  I was fed up with my weight going up and down without being able to achieve and maintain a healthy weight.  It has been an unwelcome expense but it has helped to provide some structure to how I manage my food intake.
I am still struggling with the thinking patterns but on the surface things are beginning to reach some degree of normalcy.  I have lost 10 kg in eight weeks.  Before I would have lost that weight in four days but it was never sustainable.

Another helpful tool has been Dr Gould's book, "Shrink yourself: break free from emotional eating forever."  It has some really useful material in it.
My problem is that I find some of it too challenging and I can feel overwhelmed by it.
I go through phases where I read some then put it away again.
I think it's a great supplement to therapy.  Much of it makes more sense than therapy though.

I hope you're doing OK at the moment.  Take care.
I might have to check out the doctors new website too.  Monday is a public holiday here and my father's birthday.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

It looks like you have had a great and useful dialogue with jaquta....my unofficial assistant.....I agree, I think it is stress, and that is what your symptoms point too, so that is what you have to deal with in order to cure yourself...you might want to visit my new site which will launch sometime on monday called MyVirtualShrink.com.....

[dealingwithpains]

Thank you Jaquta.

It makes sense that my eating habit relate with black or white thinking.
I guess it has to do with BPD...

It's not medical matter that I can not swallow the food. It's the stress.
I have a lot of pains on my chest. very hurt. (again, it's not the medical matter either)

I just have these unbearable pains inside me. I've been trying to deal with this all by myself. so far, it's been working but sometimes it makes me suicidal.

I am seeing p. I have this fear about talking therapy. I feel like I have to report
every details of my life...

when I saw her last week. Her question was this
" What can I do for you?"

I almost wanted to yell at her.
" What the **** do you think I am here for?"

sigh...

I think not eating at all is much better than over eating.
at least I don't feel disgusted...

Thanks for your comment and resources.
It's always nice to know someone is listeing to me.

[Jaquta]

You may also like to check out the website (eatingdisorders.co.za) as well.
I found some of the material in the "Why diets don't work" section useful.  It's been reformatted but the material should be similar.