I can completely understand your concern for your daughter who you love and worry about. Eating disorders are terrifying for the people who love you as well as they are for the person going through them. The good news is that your daughter talks to you about what is going on and is seeking help. The question seems to be, is the help she's getting enough? You say she is eating and trying to eat more. The question is, CAN she eat enough not to lose more weight or is her disease too strong for that. Is her weight steady or is it continuing to drop? What she needs is to be slowly putting on more weight. Does she also work with a dietician? If the psychiatrist and therapist she is working with do not feel she needs inpatient treatment perhaps you can meet with them and have them explain their reasoning to you. If they feel she is improving (even if that improvement is slow) they may not want to jeopardize that trust and that relationship with your daughter by escalating the treatment (going inpatient) against her will. Anorexia is about control as much as it is about food and it is important to allow the person control over their own life, at least until it becomes unsafe to do so. I would ask for a meeting with them to talk about her progress (with her permission of course). Have you talked with your daughter about inpatient treatment? Is she scared and feeling out of control, perhaps she too feels this would be a good idea?
Lastly, I agree you need support for what YOU are going through which is painful and frightening. I don't think there are enough people on this board for you to find other moms, and I think realtime connection is better. I would ask her therapist to refer you to somewhere where you can attend a group with other loved ones or just connect informally. Other eating disorder programs you contact might also have such resources.
My heart is with you. I had an eating disorder for thirty years and now have 16 years recovery. I hope for the best for your family and your daughter.
Zoe
Hi my daughter has just been admitted to a specialist unit in London. The book they gave me on admission was very helpful and I recommend it to you
j
Eating Disorders A Parents Guide isbn 1-58391-860-4