School or baby?

[ChelseaJC]

Hi,  I'm a 20 yr old university student, and last year my gynecologist told me that I most likely have endometriosis. I have pain after intercourse and  extremely painful periods, but an ultrasound didn't show anything abnormal.  My gyn just told me to take the birth control pill I was on continuously so that I only have my period every 6 months.  When I asked her if it causes infertility, she just said that there's 30-40% chance that it may.  When I explained to her that I really want to have kids someday, but right now my goal is to get into med school, so I have at least another 5 years of school before I would be finished, and she just told me, "Well don't wait TOO long!"  I have to admit, I was crying like a baby in the doctor's office.  All my life I've wanted to be a mother, someday, and being told that there's a possibility that I may run out of time while trying to make a career for myself was really hard to hear.

So my fiancee and I have been trying to figure out ways of planning our future together.  He is 25 and has custody of his wonderful 4 year old son from a previous relationship, and he would be ready to increase the size of our family whenever we decide.  Our tentative plan has been to wait until I'm finished my undergrad degree and go from there, but it's really hard to think that my chance to fulfill my dream of having a child of my own could be passing me by.   In addition to that, I love his son like my own child, and I would love for him to have a brother or sister somewhat close to his age, and time is just flying by!

So my question goes out to everyone who has had experience with endometriosis and trying to get pregnant.  
Do you think I should listen to my head and wait 5 or so years to be finished school before trying, or should I listen to my heart and try to increase the size of my little family right away?

It's just so hard waiting patiently to be done university while worrying about my fertility, and seeing other women get pregnant by accident and then abusing their unborn child by smoking and drinking all the time. It's really frustrating!!!
I'd really appreciate any advice!

[ChelseaJC]

You are all such strong, inspiring women, and I feel so blessed that you've shared your stories with me.  Thank you so much!  

Words can't describe how much you have all helped me... to decide to take a more active approach to my health and to get my priorities in order.  

I'm right in the middle of final exams right now, and the stress about school kind of takes over my life, but all of your amazing stories have made me see that in the big picture of life, family and love are the things that really matter.  

[Lyn1001]

I'm going to try to give you a little bit of hope. From the time I was in my mid teens, I had painful periods. I remember laying on the couch with a heating pad crying and throwing the tissue box. After two trips to the ER for pain in less than a year, I went to see a gyn. My dr. guessed it was either endo or ruptured cysts, although I never got an ultrasound at the ER. so he didn't know for sure which one. He put me on bc to see if it would help. Found out I don't do so well on bc, and ended up bleeding for a few months. We scheduled exploratory surgery. Found out that I had mild endo, but it was causing severe pain. To be honest, I don't remember where the endo was located, but the dr. said the location was causing the pain. He told me it's possible to have severe endo with no pain and mild endo with severe pain. So, I'm hoping if you have endo, it's mild. About 6 years after my surgery (he lasered it off while he was in there) I became pregnant. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, although we hadn't been using any form of protection for at least 8 months (other than withdrawl). After having my beautiful daughter, I started having more problems and was diagnosed with PCOS as well as a suspected reoccurance of the endo. We don't know how long the endo has been back for. So, it is possible for miracles to happen. With PCOS, endo, and my husband having had radiation, there was very little chance either of us would ever be able to become pregnant, and an even smaller chance that the two of us together would be able to become pregnant. I just want to give you hope that it can happen. Good luck!

[Neta100]

Hi there.  I am a 38 year old woman who was operated last December due to the presence of a 6 cm cyst of unknown origin and fibromas.  After a year of struggling on finding a doctor who was also worried about my fertility, I found one fertility specialist. When he operated via laparotomy he removed what was a huge endometrioma and I was placed on the 3-month Lupron shot.  He said that I had a year probably to try to conceive or it would be too late, so I am planning on getting pregnant.  I need to get my 3-month check up and let's hope everything is OK.  I feel fine and although it's hard to think about the possibility I still have endometriosis, I think that there is a moment for everything and either you are willing to take the chance or you may lose it forever.

I love kids and I do wish to have one and the doctor said to try to conceive naturally or he would give me something to help out.  A child is a God's blessing and I think that if one has the chance to do it and one really wants it, God will give you one.

Hope this helps out.  Take care.

Neta

[Des_a_rae]

Chelsea,
  
     Ya know..after reading several of these posts..I got to thinking..this just might be god's way of saying.."look..now is the best time".  If i'd being going through then..what i'm going through now (constant pain..bleeding inbetween periods..bleeding after I have sex)..I would've tried harder..and been more persistent into finding out why i'm not becoming pregnant.  Insurance or not.

     I completely agree on the one's who don't have kids having more time for other children.  Making a difference in A child's life..whether it be their niece/nephew, cousin, friends baby or a child from school.  It's almost like filling a void but at the same time making a huge impact on a childs life.

     As far as adoption goes..i've thought about it...several times.  I would adopt..ONLY if it was a tiny baby..months old.  I don't know if I would be able to adopt a child that was just given up..and old enough to know about it.  I would eventually tell the baby that I adopted later on when they were old enough to understand but I don't know..there's so many things that come with adopting a child that's old enough to know their parents/mom/dad just gave them up.  It's kinda like being a foster parent...there's no way i'd ever be able to do that.  Some you can adopt yes..and some you just have to give back after all of those yrs. of bonding with them.  I can't imagine the emotional baggage that comes with a child that's been given up for whatever reason..or taken away for whatever reason.  I'd be willing to try..if i'm adopting but i'd rather have my time..later on in life to be able to explain to child and him/her be old enough to understand how much I love him/her..and how much i've always wanted to have a child.  How do you feel about adopting?

[CJane24]

Hi I'm 25 and recently got diagnosed with endometriosis after a surgery to remove a large ovarian cyst. (They had to remove my ovary, too.) My doctor told me that as soon as I finish 6 months of Lupron Depot shots my husband and I should start trying for a baby. If it weren't for the endo, I would have thought that now would not the the right time..I need to go back to school to get my teaching credentials, blah blah blah. But now I've realized that I have the rest of my life to do that, but I don't have the rest of my life to have a baby. Now I can't wait to get pregnant, just so I can stop worrying about whether or not I'll be able too!  Also endometriosis can change and get worse, so in even 5 years it may not be as easy for you to conceive as it would be now. So I would really give this a lot of thought, I know how important school is and how we want our lives to follow certain plans, but I would just hate for you to have any "what ifs" or regrets. Take care. :)

[ChelseaJC]

That's so great that you can be a part of your husband's niece's little boy's life... man, that's a mouth full! Lol.  I try to think on the bright side and, even if I never have a child of my own, at least I can be a "mom" (I hate the word step-mom) to my fiance's son, and other kids in my life.

Just like my aunt that I was telling you about who was never able to have kids, she is more like a second mother to me than an aunt. Because she didn't have her own kids, she put so much more time and energy into all of her niece's and nephews.  She always sent birthday and Christmas presents, and came to visit often, even though she lives in Vancouver!  

And every really great teacher and coach I had throughout high school didn't have kids, and I think that that's the reason that they had all that extra time and energy to put into their class/team. I'd love to coach my own soccer team someday and make a difference in a whole bunch of kids lives.

So when I'm feeling like being optimistic about this whole situation, that's what I think about :)  Maybe it'll help you too.

What's your opinion on adoption?  I know some families that it worked out great for, and one family where it didn't work out well at all.  

[ChelseaJC]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge of lap surgery. I had no idea that there was only a 10% chance of it coming back if the surgery is done well. That's great!  

I am definitely going to try and get an appointment with a specialist.  I hadn't considered it before, because my ultrasound looked normal a year ago and my gyn said that all I can do is wait, but just waiting around while it may be getting worse isn't helping anything.   And  I live in Canada so I don't have to worry about having insurance.   I guess that the situation isn't completely black and white - school or baby. Maybe I can have both!

Thanks so much for your perspective on my situation, and good luck with your baby-making! :)  You'll be in my prayers!

[Des_a_rae]

Chelsea,
  
     Thank you so much for your kind words.  You yourself sound like a wonderful person and any child would be blessed to have a mother like you.

     I am like yourself..I wanted to be married first before I had kids...IF I ever decided to have kids.  My grandfather used to joke around with me when I was about 13 and 14 and he'd say.." so what's a good age to have kids???" and i'd say.." oh when i'm 25 or older that way i'm old enough..mature enough ...married and settled down" and he'd say " good answer" and like I said earlier I never thought i'd be 30 without a child.  

      Before my pain started getting worse i'd talk to my mom about having kids and everyone of course would ask " when are yall ever going to have kids??" and i'd just reply with " whenever the lord decides to bless us with one".  Anyways, my mom told me of my great aunt who tried for yrs and yrs to have a child never went to the dr. for help and i'm not sure what was keeping her from having children..if she hurt all the time..etc etc.  So, my mom told me she actually found out over time that she was pregnant..BUT she was 42 and had given up on trying..lol. So yes..miracles DO HAPPEN!!  

     I'm agreeing with anniebaby..after the first couple of yrs of not being able to conceive I would've went to the dr. if I had had insurance, the only difference between her and myself is I WAS trying earlier..6 yrs now.

      I know you're feeling with seeing babies.  My husband has a niece..yes my niece sounds kinda weird though because she's only 3 yrs younger than me lol ..anyways..she had a baby about 2 yrs ago..and oh my gosh..he makes us smile so much.  He's such a smart little boy..it's just amazing at how fast they learn and the things they do.  We get him from time to time on the weekends and it's a weekend you definitely don't forget!!   Take Care...God Bless!!

                                                     Desarae

[ChelseaJC]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Desarae!  I wish you all the best, and hopefully your appointment in May will go well!

I know exactly how you feel, scared of never having a child.  It just breaks my heart every time I see a little baby and think that I may never get to experience that joy.   My aunt had multiple miscarriages because of her endometriosis and fibroids, and eventually had to have a hysterectomy as well.  But then again, there are so many stories of miracles happening when women get pregnant out of the blue after years of trying, so don't give up hope!  I just think that it's so unfair that some women have problems like this... my mom was 30 before she had any kids, and she had 3 healthy babies, although she did have 1 miscarriage before I was born.  

It's so discouraging to actually be able to FEEL that my insides aren't the way they should be.  This kind of pain isn't normal!  When I have my period, even if I do drag myself out of bed to go shopping or something, I'll be doubled over in pain pretending that I'm looking at something on the bottom shelf, or leaning over the shopping cart just to stay standing up!  A few years ago I didn't know that kind of pain even existed.  It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one!  You'd think that if science can send a man to the moon,  it could really easily find a cure to a simple thing like pain!

I think after hearing your story, and reading all the forums on this site about women trying desperately to conceive, I'd be stupid to wait another 5 years and hope for the best.  We're getting married next June, so maybe we'll start trying then!  I'm kind of old-fashioned that way; I'd like to be married before having kids!

One option that my fiancee and I have talked about is having kids soon (if we're lucky), and then when they're older we can move to the city so I can go back to university. And I suppose that way I would be able to be a stay at home mom.  I've never like the idea of putting kids in daycare all the time!
It's just so hard to give up my vision of the future where I'm a successful family doctor as well as a wife and a mother... I guess you can't have it all.  

Thanks again for taking the time to share your story; it really meant a lot to me.   You sound like a wonderful person and I'm sure that God will bless you with a child!   I'll keep you in my prayers!

[Des_a_rae]

Hi Chelsea, my name is Desarae and i'm not trying to sway you one way or another but I wanted to tell you my story.

   I've been married for almost 10 yrs..to a wonderful man.  I just don't think I could be more in love than I am now.  I'm 30 and he's 36.  Wayyy back when I was a teenager I NEVER wanted kids.  They got on my nerves..so loud..annoying..I couldn't even stand being around my own cousins. Even after I turned 18, 19, 20 I still I dunno..kids just got on my nerves.  I never thought i'd be a good mom anyways because I have no patience at all.  My mom would say.."oh you'll learn patience when you have your own" and I would just roll my eyes..like whatever.  Anyways, so I married early..I was married at 20.  After being married for a year or two it's like something just clicked.  I'd see moms with their lil babies and I would think.."HOW ADOREABLE!!".  Then out of no where..I was wanting one.  Over the next couple of years I had really bad periods..and they've just gotten worse.  My pain went from being tolerable to having take tylenol or Ibuprofen..to now I hurt so bad I black out, throw up, I have to take PAIN PILLS  and most of the time that don't work anymore so I have to either knock myself out with them..or if it's not knocking me out I sit in a HOT bath just to relax those muscles so the medicine can kick in.  I have never been one to take any medicine for anything.  I'll just deal with a headache instead of having to take something and here I am..taking pain pills every month. My pain is only that bad when i'm having my period. I don't want you thinking I take a pain pill everyday..lol. So in the mean time hubby and I have been trying to have a child.  Being blessed with a child is a dream of mine.  Over these years i've always thought.."if it's meant to be..it'll happen".  Then of course my pain became worse.  I had a miscarriage in 2000.  They called it a "pre-term" miscarriage.  I was sick.. I thought.."I just missed probably my only chance of being a mom".  SO 5 yrs..6yrs..and here I am almost 10yrs later of trying to have a child..with none.  I never went to the dr. because I didn't have Insurance at the time.  Finally I have insurance and I go May 6th to see if I do have endometriosis.  All of my symptoms fit.  I constantly have  lower back pain.  Everyday and that's not exaggerating.  My ovaries hurt really bad..sharp pains....my uterus feels like it's bigger than it should be, I have lower stomach pain..and I even have pains down my thighs.  Here in these last 2 months i've been bleeding inbetween my periods and I bleed after hubby and I have sex..not to mention I hurt really bad afterwards.My left ovary hurts almost constantly also.  I know it's probably ate up with something..enod..cyts something.
   My aunt has endometriosis and she had to have a hysterectomy at 28. Some say it can also be inherited.

  I know i'm not in exactly the same situation you're in..but I do know it gets worse..and it gets harder.   I know exactly what you mean by seeing these women blessed with babies who don't even want them and all I can ever think is what if they were in my shoes?  I know a girl from school who gave up 3 beautiful babies she was blessed with.  Not just for adoption..she just gave them to her mother, left them at her moms place one night as they went home and didn't even tell her mother.  
  
  I never thought i'd be 30yrs old and not have a child. I have a huge fear of never having a child, I just hope and pray that I haven't waited to late. Good Luck in whatever you choose to do..and God Bless!