me and my gf have been together for 9 months and we recently moved at xmas back to her mothers home. between august and xmas last year we had a great intimate life but now its not existent. She has endometriosis and is on setraline for depression as well as codine for back pain .She was taking this all before xmas and we were fine. We had problems with house mates which caused stress and us to move and i thought maybe that was part of the problem but now we are back on our feet our intimate life is still not existent. I dont know what to . when ever i try to make a move there is no interest!
Welcome to the Endometriosis Forum. I will do my best to help answer your question as best as possible. I am not a doctor just an advocate for this disease who has suffered for over 23 yrs.
I don't want to say what she is going through is not normal because unfortunately it is very normal. She is on medication for the Endo and sometimes the meds make you depressed so they put you on other meds so it will help with the depression. If she is depressed she will probably not want to have sex and most antidepressants kill your libido. It really *****.
I have been married since Aug 31st 2012 and I can tell you on one hand how many times we have had sex since. My husband was well aware of what was going on when we got together and he has been there for me during this time even though it is very hard for him.
For me I would rather never have it again. I don't think about it, I don't want it and I wish it wasn't apart of a relationship but it is. When I have sex it is excruciating, so most of the time I just grin, cry and bare it. It may not be fair for my husband but you have to understand we didn't ask for this disease, we are the ones that suffer the most when it comes to it not so much the people around us.
We feel guilty all the time, we are in pain, tired and its hard to cope with this disease. My husband doesn't want to hurt me but I know it bothers him that we are not having it as much as he would like.
When was your girlfriends last surgery? How many has she had? What stage was it? When does it hurt the most? Does it hurt having sex? Bowel movements?
I have a question for you to think about.
Do you love this girl? Because if you do you will have to understand this is a very painful disease and some people have it worse then others, some can cope some can't. You have to be either with her through this or you are not. There is no in between. If you love someone you will sacrifice your needs so they are not in pain and work around what you can do sexually without penetration.
I just read your comments. As soon as I heard your girlfriend is suffering through a depression, I went through a bad depression about eight years ago, I think I understand what might be happening for her. Have you ever experienced a depression ? It's horrible. One of the symptoms of depression is loosing interest in all the things you are normally interested in. Unfortunatley, this includes being intimate. You stated you and your girlfriend are living in her mother's home. Your girlfriend may feel really uncomfortable having sex in her mother's home. I guarantee you that its the depression that is causing the lack of interest in being intimate. When you're going through a depression , often the person is not eating properly, sleeping properly. Because of this, the person has next to no energy to do anything. Please be patient with your girlfriend. I wouldn't wish a depresssion on anyone. You feel so alone. You have trouble concentrating. I had anxiety attacks. Your lack of trust suffers too. There are other ways of being intimate besides having sex. Don't forget to hug her. Try and reassure her that you love her and that you're there for her. When I was going through my depression , I wasn't in a relationship with anyone. Hug her, hold her, comfort her, give her reassurance. Being in a depression is a horrible thing. Your girlfriend needs to tell herself that every day in every way she is getting better. Try and go for walks with her if she has the energy to do this. Not super long walks though, that's too tiring. I found listening to nature CD's very helpful, particularly nature CD's with nature sounds in them, birds, babbling brooks, frogs croaking , very soothing sounds. You said your girlfriend is taking an antidepressant. Could that antidepressant possibly be Sertraline. It's also called Zoloft. If for any reason your girlfriend is finding Zoloft is not agreeing with her, it didn't agree with me at all, she can go back to her family doctor and ask for another antidepressant. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant which I've heard has the least amount of side effects. One of the rare side effects of Zoloft is sexual dysfunction. Common side effects of Zoloft are loss of appetite, indigestion. Insomnia, sleepiness, anxiety, dizziness, tremor, confusion and the list goes on. Your girlfriend will eventually feel better, but it takes time. What she needs from you is reassurance that you love her and won't leave her and that you understand what she is going through and that you will help her in any way you can. I hope you have found my comments helpful. Eve
she use to have bad depression along time ago before i met her and self harm but since ive met her she hasnt harmed and has been ons better. as far as im aware she uses setraline to balance hormones or something. i think thats what her doctor said to do. Shes on a high dose and ive said to her now that there are not so many stresses and that she has got a good job she could try lowering the dosage! She can sleep alot ,well go to bed late but easily fall asleep and sleep late in the mornings but since she now has faily early starts she can get up and go to work. We are trying to improve our diets as we eat a lot of comfort food.Where not obese, i my self am only a 34 waist but i dont know if food affects mood.
As for her endometriosis she told me it doesnt hurt to have sex as apparently some say it can do.She has had cysts before but im not sure when. Since xmas the only thing thats really changed is that where not in a n environment with bad people and the fact she doesnt smoke cannabis. personally dont smoke it and never have done and she only smoked it to help her sleep. Does that have affects on intimacy ?
It's a really good thing you got her out of that environment where people
are constantly smoking canabis around her. It sounds from your recent
comments that you have already had a positive effect on your girlfriend.
I'm glad to hear she has a good job. I'm also glad to hear you're trying to
improve your diets. That will help too. As far as intimacy, you're doing great. There are degrees of intimacy. Hugging and cuddling are intimate
too. People going through stressful situation have trust issues sometimes
too, but if you continue to show you love her and you're there for her,
intimacy will be reestablished and the trust will no doubt return. That's how
I see it anyways. I wish you both the best. Eve :)
I myself am bulimic and self harm and have since I was 15.
The Endometriosis is only apart of her problem. Endometriosis can effect the moods, emotions etc but so can Depression.
Usually people who self harm have had bad things happen in the past such as sexual abuse, neglect etc. Has something like that happened to her before?
Is she seeing a therapist? That is one thing I would have her do because it does help a lot just to talk to someone about what is going on.
The meds she is on could be too high of a dose and might not be working for her making her lack emotion and have a low sex drive.
When I was on Cymbalta, I could care less about having sex or anyone touching me period and if we did I could not orgasm so it made it even worse. Also I felt detached from the world. I had no choice but to come off them and the endo meds.
Has she had her blood tested for B-12 levels or iron? Sometimes depression can be caused by being low in something and making you want to sleep all the time.
If I came across a little harsher before it might be that Endo is a painful disease to live with and most men don't understand that but if she is dealing with a lot more on top of that then she really needs to see someone and I commend you for sticking by her because no one should feel the way she does. It is a lonely place to be and I am sure she is happy that you are with her she might not how to show it with what she is going through.
I wish you two luck and hope she comes around sometime soon :)
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