I have been married for nearly 12 years, I had not have penetrative sex with anyone else except for my wife. However, in the past year I began to visit massage parlors. Some of those visit were totally innocent, but there quite a number of those involved getting "hand-reliefs". I knew that getting handjobs were relatively safe, and already being told my the good people at the HIV prevention forum that these activities carries no risk. However, my wife, the angel that she is continued to treat me well, without the slightest hint of anger even that she knows of these massage visits.
The last time I went to a massage place was earlier in January. When the massage lady (fully clothed) was dealing with my penis, I kinda felt that her hand was not really that smooth. I thought nothing of it, until the end of January when I had sex with my wife, and ejaculated in her. A day or two after that, both of us developed fever and cold like symptoms. This got me worried that I might have contracted something (possibly from a cut or abrasion on her fingers). To cut it short, she eventually recovered from the symptoms, but I myself never got over the symptoms fully. I still have this sickly feeling (without high temperature), sweats. I know my fears are probably irrational. The logical side of me is telling myself that I am most probably allright. But the constant "what-ifs" loop in my head is killing me. I am just scared to death right now.
I have tested 4 weeks after that episode. It was negative. I have had hoped that would help with my anxiety a little. But alas, it only got worse...
Hiya, well lets deal with the HIV first, you have no risk at all. Their is no point debating this point i will not change my mind unless she decided to cut her hand and use blood as oil. Of course she didnt do that, so you had not risk.
The illness you and your wife had, well its to soon to be HIV related, it fact its medicaly impossible, so that cannot be a concern.
The Test you took also proves your symptoms were not HIV related or the test would have been positive, it wasnt so you are HIV negative.
So, your guilt is killing you and that what this is about, because you still call your wife an angle, but you know what your doing deep down isnt right and you feel guilty about this and the HIV aspect is a sign of self punishment for what you are doing.
The question you need to address, is why are you doing this and what can you do to make your marraige work if thats what you really want. The HIV aspect your using ( you now focus your attention on ) is to detract from the guilt of your visits.
Perhaps I was not clear. My last massage parlour visit was in early January, And I started feeling sickly 3-4 weeks later... You can imagine how I am relating this illness to the fact that I went to the massage parlour...
It dosnt matter really, you still would not be at risk of HIV. I can understand the link your trying to make, its natural, but it cannot happen, you just was not exposed to any risk, not to mention the odds of her having HIV are so low its not worth concidering.
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