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HIV Paranoia
I am a 22 year old female and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 3.5 years now. I don't know why but out of nowhere I started having these crazy thoughts that I am infected with HIV. I am also in medical school so that hasn't really helped take my mind off of the idea. I have had unprotected sex before (about 4 years ago) around 5 times with the same guy, but he did not ejaculate inside me...in fact I think it was pretty far from that point since I was young and not really comfortable with the idea of having sex so I always felt guilty and stopped it. I really never get sick (the last time I had anything close to the flu was when I was 16). My immune system is actually pretty good. Anyway getting to the point...about a year ago I got a cold (it had been going around...must have got it from one of my friends) and I noticed a lymph node popping out on the left side of my neck. I spoke to my professor (also a doctor) about it and he said not to worry it was just because of the cold. I was always checking to see if it had gone and although it has gotten smaller (not visible to the eye) it has not gone away completely. After learning about HIV I convinced myself that I had it base solely on the presence of these nodes...even though I should have know better. After that I began checking for others. Well about a month ago I had a sore throat and I started poking around again and found another one at the angle of my jaw. I try to keep from touching these nodes since I hear that it can keep them from resolving but I can't help it...this one has also gotten smaller but hasn't disappeared. In total I can feel the node on the left side of my neck, under my jaw on the left side, one under my chin, and above my clavicle on my right side. I can't feel them anywhere else (I am constantly checking armpits and groin). I don't know what to do...I am totally paranoid! I have talked to my boyfriend about it and he has been so sweet and understanding. I feel like I have everything going for me in life...a wonderful family, a amazing boyfriend (whom I plan to marry...lol the feeling is mutual don't worry), and I am on the path to a wonderful career. Part of me feels like I am making up this idea of dying from HIV in my head because I can't believe that life can be so perfect...and I am waiting for something to come and mess it up. I am sorry that this is so long...I have so much to say since I have had this paranoia for years now! I have no reason to think that the guy I had unprotected sex with had HIV (no known drug use or homosexual activity) but I can't help but think that if he didn't use protection with me he probably did the same with other women. I have no night sweats, no weight loss, no diarrhea, no mouth lesions, I have never had any type of yeast infection or STDs...so basically I have convinced myself that I have HIV based on some palpable nodes (all less that 1 cm and movable). Please someone tell me that I am STUPID...and tell me to stop wasting your time with my irrational fears so you can focus on people who actually have legitimate reasons to think they are infected! Also...why can I feel these nodes? Is it because I keep touching them?
Any type of response & words of encouragement/optimism would be greatly appreciated!
Any type of response & words of encouragement/optimism would be greatly appreciated!
No, you are not stupid.
It's actually a common Medical School syndrome, I forget what it's called exactly.
Too much knowledge is bad sometimes.
I don't think you have any reason to worry about.
But since you have been worrying about it for years, I suggest you get a blood test.
It will calm your fears for good.
And as you know, CDC now recommends every adult to be HIV tested.
It's actually a common Medical School syndrome, I forget what it's called exactly.
Too much knowledge is bad sometimes.
I don't think you have any reason to worry about.
But since you have been worrying about it for years, I suggest you get a blood test.
It will calm your fears for good.
And as you know, CDC now recommends every adult to be HIV tested.
Thanks for the quick reply. I have also heard that it is common for med students to become hypochondriacs. I know I should go and have a test but I feel like it will somehow turn out positive even though everything tells me that it wont be and I should just do it and put my fears to rest. I am going crazy...I have even contemplated just waiting six more years to see if I progress to AIDS...thats how scared I am to go and have the test! I can't imagine something like this coming and ruining my life plan for my career and future family! My boyfriend has offered to go with me to have the test...maybe I will take him up on the offer.
Well you don't have to test if you don't want to, because there is almost no way that you have HIV.
But nothing else will ease your anxiety.
Don't choose 6 years of anxiety over 20 minutes of anxiety!
And even if positive, it should not affect your career.
It's a manageble condition these days.
You know all that!
But nothing else will ease your anxiety.
Don't choose 6 years of anxiety over 20 minutes of anxiety!
And even if positive, it should not affect your career.
It's a manageble condition these days.
You know all that!
I will go have the test...maybe not tomorrow but soon...LoL...I have to build up the nerve first! Thanks for your help!
I have got to say I can relate, and probably a lot of folks due to. The older you get, the more life changes, the more responsabilities one carries etc etc. Views change, standards change etc.
When I was younger.... I did not even give a flying fig at all about HIV. I just didn't think it would happen. I thought it was one of those things that just does not happen to me.
For some reason the teflon wore off, and I realize, I am no more special than the person struggling for one last breath.
Get yourself tested, I wish I could... got to wait it out for now though. Go get your self tested. You will test negative, you will get this monkey off of you back, you will be a better student, and you will be able to relate better with any of your future patients that are waiting on any test results.... as the sit burried on your desk somewhere. You will keep them in mind more.
Take care, and always use a Jimmy
When I was younger.... I did not even give a flying fig at all about HIV. I just didn't think it would happen. I thought it was one of those things that just does not happen to me.
For some reason the teflon wore off, and I realize, I am no more special than the person struggling for one last breath.
Get yourself tested, I wish I could... got to wait it out for now though. Go get your self tested. You will test negative, you will get this monkey off of you back, you will be a better student, and you will be able to relate better with any of your future patients that are waiting on any test results.... as the sit burried on your desk somewhere. You will keep them in mind more.
Take care, and always use a Jimmy
You know what? Everything you said hits so close to home! After every sexual encounter with that guy...even though he didn't ejaculate inside me...I would run straight to planned parenthood and get emergency contraceptives fearing that I might be pregnant...never thinking about other STD's and certainly not thinking about HIV. I have evolved so much as a person. Back then I was concerned about fitting in and being cool...if that meant drinking, smoking, popping pills and having sex...I was there. Now, after being in a relationship for 3.5 years with a guy who I am madly in love with and being close to completing medical school I am more concerned with career, family, and future than living in the NOW. We need to find a way to make the younger generations think about unprotected sex in terms of consequences such as chlamydia, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, & HIV...not unplanned pregnancy!
Scared straight....
You show a teenager a picture of a pregnant woman.... Ehh so what, Demi Moore did that too.
You show a teenager a picture of chlamedia, reactive arthritis, ghonerea, complications due to Aids, face of a person with syphallis....
Holding hands would be considered risky after that.
Wearing a Jimmy for PROTECTION all the way round should be taught. A un plannedd child can be rerarded as a positive blessing in life.... Or the glue that binds..... STD's not really.
You show a teenager a picture of a pregnant woman.... Ehh so what, Demi Moore did that too.
You show a teenager a picture of chlamedia, reactive arthritis, ghonerea, complications due to Aids, face of a person with syphallis....
Holding hands would be considered risky after that.
Wearing a Jimmy for PROTECTION all the way round should be taught. A un plannedd child can be rerarded as a positive blessing in life.... Or the glue that binds..... STD's not really.
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