Aa
Disgusted and Angry
I am writing here because i have no one to talk to. I am (was) a very happily married man up until a week ago when I got involvd in a situation which I can only describe as a sort of madness.
While on a business trip I ended up in a bar in the Middle East. I was approached by two Chinese prostitutes and (I cannot believe I am writng this) I ended up in bed with them.
The cold facts are that I had protected sex with both but changed condoms. They both masturbated me but used seperate condoms. They both gave me a seperate ******** but each changed condoms. There was no anal sex involved. I did not come inside them. There were no slippages or breaks or tears in the condoms. There was no kissing. No evidence of blood. I fingered both but I have no cuts or wounds on my fingers or hands.
They were both very fastidious in cleaning and washing during all of this and regulary went to the bathroom to clean their hands etc and they seemed almost more wary of protecting themselves than I was. They were very careful about the condoms and we used lots, all of which were discarded.None were re-used.
Afterwards, I asked if they were tested for STD's and HIV and they both said yes and said they were clean.
Now, of course, i am an emotional and physical wreck, wracked with guilt. I feel I am going through every day as a zombie. I am just so angry with myself for putting me and my family into this stupid, stupid situation. I will be meeting my wife in 4 weeks and she will be VERY suspicious if we do not have sexual relations. but she cannot find out about this. We have both been monogomous and have had no reason to have protected sex.
i am now feeling ill - dizzy, sick, loss of appetite and don't know if its symptoms of something sinister or if its guilt anger and shame. I have hardly slept since the event.
My questions are the usual
What level of risk have i exposed myself to?
What is the likliehood of having HIV?
Can I get a test done before i meet my wife that will give a definitive result?
How do I explain to my wife that we cannot have sex for three months if cannot have the test sooner?
Thanks for any help and advice.
While on a business trip I ended up in a bar in the Middle East. I was approached by two Chinese prostitutes and (I cannot believe I am writng this) I ended up in bed with them.
The cold facts are that I had protected sex with both but changed condoms. They both masturbated me but used seperate condoms. They both gave me a seperate ******** but each changed condoms. There was no anal sex involved. I did not come inside them. There were no slippages or breaks or tears in the condoms. There was no kissing. No evidence of blood. I fingered both but I have no cuts or wounds on my fingers or hands.
They were both very fastidious in cleaning and washing during all of this and regulary went to the bathroom to clean their hands etc and they seemed almost more wary of protecting themselves than I was. They were very careful about the condoms and we used lots, all of which were discarded.None were re-used.
Afterwards, I asked if they were tested for STD's and HIV and they both said yes and said they were clean.
Now, of course, i am an emotional and physical wreck, wracked with guilt. I feel I am going through every day as a zombie. I am just so angry with myself for putting me and my family into this stupid, stupid situation. I will be meeting my wife in 4 weeks and she will be VERY suspicious if we do not have sexual relations. but she cannot find out about this. We have both been monogomous and have had no reason to have protected sex.
i am now feeling ill - dizzy, sick, loss of appetite and don't know if its symptoms of something sinister or if its guilt anger and shame. I have hardly slept since the event.
My questions are the usual
What level of risk have i exposed myself to?
What is the likliehood of having HIV?
Can I get a test done before i meet my wife that will give a definitive result?
How do I explain to my wife that we cannot have sex for three months if cannot have the test sooner?
Thanks for any help and advice.
Thanks for your reassurance - this forum is literally a life-saver and I think the work you all do on it is great.
Thank you
Thank you
Your worries are all the guilt talking. It sounds to me like not only was this a protected situation...but it was ULTRA protected...including changing of condoms frequently in between acts. That is great.
As long as a condom remains intact during sex (and you would KNOW if they broke)...you are 100% protected against HIV. You have nothing to worry about.
If it makes YOU feel better to get tested in 3 months, just to solidify what we are telling you...then go ahead...but there is no risk to your wife.....continue on as normal.
You need to work thru the guilt of your actions...and only YOU can do that for yourself. If need be...seek some counseling.
Relax though....you were totally protected.
Oh, and quit reading online and searching the web...you'll drive yourself mad!
As long as a condom remains intact during sex (and you would KNOW if they broke)...you are 100% protected against HIV. You have nothing to worry about.
If it makes YOU feel better to get tested in 3 months, just to solidify what we are telling you...then go ahead...but there is no risk to your wife.....continue on as normal.
You need to work thru the guilt of your actions...and only YOU can do that for yourself. If need be...seek some counseling.
Relax though....you were totally protected.
Oh, and quit reading online and searching the web...you'll drive yourself mad!
Hi
When I recieved your reply, I cannot tell you how relieved I was. I immediately calmed down.
Now, a few days later, doubts are creeping in...
Your advice sounds so confident and I guess that's because you guys are dealing with this stuff all the time and you are up to date with the research but as I've noticed some posts from other contributors, when you start doing your own research, you start getting some conflicting (at worst) and far more cautious (at best) advice and information.
So, impossible question. Are you SURE I'm okay based on what i told you? Will it be okay to resume normal sexual relations with my wife?
I am petrified of transmitting something, and terrified of her finding out because we're abstaining.
I've gone through the nights events a million times in my head and I'm sure they are as I described. And I know you put everything into 'risk' assessment - like being struck by lightening - but some people DO get struck by lightening.
Just seeking reassurance
When I recieved your reply, I cannot tell you how relieved I was. I immediately calmed down.
Now, a few days later, doubts are creeping in...
Your advice sounds so confident and I guess that's because you guys are dealing with this stuff all the time and you are up to date with the research but as I've noticed some posts from other contributors, when you start doing your own research, you start getting some conflicting (at worst) and far more cautious (at best) advice and information.
So, impossible question. Are you SURE I'm okay based on what i told you? Will it be okay to resume normal sexual relations with my wife?
I am petrified of transmitting something, and terrified of her finding out because we're abstaining.
I've gone through the nights events a million times in my head and I'm sure they are as I described. And I know you put everything into 'risk' assessment - like being struck by lightening - but some people DO get struck by lightening.
Just seeking reassurance
Two women at the same time.... well when you go south your go really south.
The truth of the matter is, all science & all the research out there states the same time and time again.... condoms will protect you from HIV. Apparently you even had a condom on when they went "down on you." So there is not even room for debate if you had exposure.
This may sound silly, but grab a 7-11 bag, put you hand in it, then place your hand in a sing full of water, pull your hand out.... and poof like majic you will see that your hand never got wet..... the point is, sometimes you have to remind yourself the actual physics of condoms...
In my opinion, you ill feelings are all due to guilty feelings.... but to be honest, you just have to get past that and move on. Because if you tell your wife...... you will be toast. Just live and learn.
Good luck
The truth of the matter is, all science & all the research out there states the same time and time again.... condoms will protect you from HIV. Apparently you even had a condom on when they went "down on you." So there is not even room for debate if you had exposure.
This may sound silly, but grab a 7-11 bag, put you hand in it, then place your hand in a sing full of water, pull your hand out.... and poof like majic you will see that your hand never got wet..... the point is, sometimes you have to remind yourself the actual physics of condoms...
In my opinion, you ill feelings are all due to guilty feelings.... but to be honest, you just have to get past that and move on. Because if you tell your wife...... you will be toast. Just live and learn.
Good luck
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