Possible Anal Rape. Hiv Infection?

[misterworried]

Ok,

Ok...kinda long story. I am basically not sure if I was rape or not. But here goes the story. I think I could have been raped at a youth hostel. I was drunk from around 5 or 6 vodka shots and 1 beer. I went to bed in a youth hostel and woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick with deep anal pain.

I was sleeping with just my boxers on due to the heat and I sleep on my stomach. I have no memories of being raped but I am worried I was so drunk I slept through it or I have memory loss. The pain continued for several days and is very odd. Anyways I explain it in detail below. But I am wondering what my HIV risk would be from a one time exposure on the receptive end?

so heres the story. I went out to a bar an drank about 6 shots of vodka and topped it off with a beer almost 72 hours ago. I went out with a friend to a dance club and everything was fine. Anyways after that I went home alone.

The thing is I am low on money and I am staying at this youth hostel place. There were like 4 other guys staying in the same room as me via bunkbeds. I got home around 4 am and went to sleep fast I remember. When I drink it really puts me in a deep sleep. Anyways it was blazing hot because this place has no air conditioner so I was just sleeping in my boxers and no cover I think.

I have stayed at youth hostels before and always considered them safe. I went to sleep and woke up later in the night and felt sick. I had a pain in my anal area too I noticed that was deep feeling.

Anyways I wake up the next day and I still have a pain my anal area. Its like a deep throbbing pain. I really didnt think much about it the first half of the day because I have a bump in that area that sometimes produces a pain (Im guessing hemorroid maybe) and I figured the alcohol must have aggravated it or something. But then I started wondering why now when I drink in the past I never got this type of pain. I think maybe I can recall a time a few months ago when I had a pain in that area but I remember there was a bulging bump that hurt when I touched it. It was not really the same as this pain and went away in less than a day really.

Anyways I have never talked to any of these guys before and dont know them. I am pretty sure though one of them is gay and from france though based on how he acts and talks. I started to panic and the pain lasted for a good 3 days.

Not to get too graphic but another thing is I noticed my bowels 3 days after the incident smelled like perfume or something. I thought that was really odd and started to really panic thinking this could be some lube or something left over. But it happened nearly 72 hours later...wouldnt any lube be flushed out by now?

Heres the thing. I have no memory of anyone raping me. But the thing is when I drink it knocks me out cold sometimes. The good thing is I do remember waking up feeling sick. So if that waked me up and I remember it wouldn't I wake up during anal penetration considering nothing has ever been up my anus before. It also proves my memory was in tact most like since I remember waking up feeling sick.

I am really scared I could get hiv from this. I mean I have always feared hiv and maybe that fear has attracted it to me. I read that anal rape is a high chance of hiv. I mean...if he had hiv what would my risk be? I read a 1/70 chance but rape makes it higher since it would have been rough maybe. I am really worried if I was raped there is a good chance I have hiv now. I mean this is how people get hiv.

The good news is I thank god have no memory of some dude on top of me or anything like that. Surely by the grace of god I would wake up during an anal rape right? Or was I too drunk or maybe have memory loss? I have had total memory loss in the past from drinking too much so thats possible too. What do you guys think considering what I have told you? I mean wouldn't I have some sort of vague memory of someone raping me if it happened?

Let me just say. The only "proof" I have of being raped is the anal pain. It is a deep pain, throbbing but not unbearable. Its uncomfortable and hurts some though. I can actually press on an area in my anal area that hurts more and it feels like a mass/bump on my skin or something.

But the only proof of rape is the fact I was in sleeping in the same room with 4-5 total male strangers, it was hot and I was in my boxers only. I have no memories of rape or anything like that. If I did not have a pain I would have never suspected rape or even entertained the thought. But I guess pain alone is enough evidence to signal it might have happened.

So assuming worse case senario here. The raptist used no condom and raped me. Do you think my odds are high that I have hiv if he had had hiv from a one time exposure. This happened about 12 days ago btw. I hope I do not sound paranoid because I had a anal pain that was explainable and deep. The pain even extended into my peripheral area and almost towards the base of my penis.

It was not like unbearable....just annoying. Like I could feel the dull pain all day for a few days. Sometimes I want to convince myself I was not raped but then I remember that pain. What the heck was it?

I did have a bottle of water next to my bed and I drank it right before I went to bed at 4 am. I guess it could have been drugged if the rapist was waiting for me to get back to hostel. But I am thinking if he did not drug my drank it was a ballsy move to rape me.

Because I am a big guy at 6'5 and also there were other guys in the room who I am pretty sure did not know each other. But actually 3 of them might have known each other but im not certain about that. I guess they could have planned it, drugged me and even gang raped me in the most extreme situation/worst case scenario. I also do not know if the rapist used protection or not if it happened. I do not remember noticing any blood. But I did not even consider rape until the night after. So I could have missed it in the early morning when I went to the restroom.

I have never felt a pain in that area like that. So its hard to deny that I was raped. I feel like it's a 50/50 chance for sure. Sorry to ramble...what do you guys think? I mean....even if I was raped he could have not had hiv and also even used protection. So I mean my odds are probably pretty good that I dont have hiv I think maybe. It's not fair because i'm not gay and I would have been cheated if I got hiv from this because I know its near impossible to get it just from sex with a girl. Surely I would remember something or would have woken up and fought him or something. Unless I was knocked out cold.

[misterworried]

Thanks. Yea....I don't recall any evidence of semen. I looked on my boxers and bed but did not see any. I remember my night well and don't remember anything concerning hurting my butt except a girl squeezing my butt while dancing on the dance floor. I guess that could theortically make it hurt but I doubt it.

LOL....thats the only thing I remember that could have happened to my butt but seems like that would not cause a pain in the actual hole area. Yea 1 in 80 is not terrible which is good and could be lower. Any one else care to chime in? Thanks a lot chip!!

[chipdawg]

well...a point to add, is that you didn't find evidence of any semen - so that cut's down on the risk by quite a bit and also may indicate that the rapist used a condom, or even better, you weren't even raped at all. could be that you had some kind of traumatic injury whilst drunk...all sorts of scenarios come into play when you get drunk.
going back to your point...worst case scenario i think, the odds are 1 in 80 with a positive person for receptive anal. odds definitely in your favour, but not low enough to not test.

[misterworried]

Thanks chipdawg. I am praying it did not happen. Seems like I would have some memory or something of the actual rape. It actually happened about 16 days ago...I wrote the post a while ago but just got around to posting it...forgot to edit that and change the date.

Yea....if I got hiv from something like this I think I would lose my mind. Do you think worse case scenario if this rapist didnt use protection and had hiv my odds would be high of contracting it? I mean I read like 1/70-1/200 but I guess if thats right odds are I dont have hiv even in the worst case scenario.

I really hope I am just being paranoid. But sometimes I think back to the pain I felt and it was so deep...just not like an anal pain I have experienced before. I also remember with the pain I had a burning feeling running through my anus into my pheriphal area and even up the beginning of my penis. I just remember thinking what a strange pain.

This was when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. Actually its that pain that makes me worry most. I have never had such an odd pain like that and it felt so deep. I wish I could take a test today and hopefully see that I did not catch hiv if it happened. I can live with being raped and get over it fine, but I cannot live with being raped and catching hiv. Im not sure what I would do. I pray this didn't happen.

[chipdawg]

jeez. horrible story, if this actually happened to you. i can understand why you are panicking, but you may just be paranoid. hopefully this is the case. otherwise, it's a good idea to take an hiv test, just in case you were raped. if it was 3 days ago, i think you can take a combo test (4th gen) for conclusive 4 week results. wishing you all the best. stay off the vodka and stick to beer!