Worried

[anxious76]

Hello All:

I have browsed through the forums and I guess I would like some feedback to help ease my peace of mind.  I received unprotected fellatio from a female with unknown HIV status in early October.  I tested negative at ten weeks (70 days) and eleven weeks (77 days) but am still suffering from severe anxiety.  I am married and feel that this episode was a huge mistake on my part.  I am also dealing with the suicide of my best friend at the moment and think that some of my irrational thoughts could be because of this combined with the guilt over my infidelity.

Should I consider my two negative test results conclusive at this point and move on or do I need more testing?  I read on thebody.com that nothing is definitive before 12-13 weeks and I don't know if 11 would be splitting hairs.  The thought of possibly infecting my wife is something I can't bear to think about.

Thanks a lot for reading.

[sparkeler]

Not only is oral extremely low risk but it's even lower when you are recieving it.  You should seek some therapy b/c you have experienced tragedy & your feelings seem to be unresolved.  Anxiety & fear can serve has masks for the real pain you are feeling.  I'm not trying to get psychological on you, but I truely believe that hiv isn't your problem.  Your tests are absolutely conclusive.

[anxious76]

Thanks a lot for the feedback.

Would it make a difference in my overall risk if I did not ejaculate and had no visible sores, lesions, cuts or scrapes on my penis during this encounter?

I am just going nuts with all of the conflicting info on the web when it comes to the overall risk factor.  Dr. HHH seems to be the authority on this though.

Thanks Again.

[WorriedT]

Hi Anxious76,

Your tests are pretty conclusive that you are HIV negative.

I felt I should post to you because I am in a very similar situation, in that I am married, also saw an escort, had unprotected oral sex, and immediately felt it was a huge mistake and have worried (totally irrationally I hasten to add) about HIV ever since, though I'm still 3 weeks off a 6 week test (that no-one on this Forum would recommend apart from for peace of mind). This is also on the emotional background of a death of a very dear uncle who took care of me when I was a child and who I have not yet grieved for and a diagnosis of cervical cancer for my mother, neither of which I have come to terms with.

If you can, find some-one to go talk through this with. I didn't really consider how deeply all this went and possibly also how much it may have influenced my behaviour in the first place, until a level of counselling with a doctor.

Take care and stay well.

[Xhost]

Actually, the fact that you did not ejaculate has little to do with the transmission risk of insertive oral, I believe. But who cares? The risk that you have described isn't really much of a risk at all. Add to that the fact that you tested negative out to 11 weeks, and guess what? You are conclusively HIV negative.

On another note, I can only imagine the emotional burden you must be laboring under right now. I feel for you. I must say that I agree with the original poster, who pointed out the salutory effects that therapy may have for you at this point in your life. And there is a bit of good news: you may safely cross the thought of HIV off of your official "worry about" list, because you do not have it. Grieve for your friend, start the process of forgiving yourself for your indiscretion and, by all means, stop worrying about HIV.

You take care of yourself.

[anxious76]

Thank you all for your kind words in helping me through this scare.  I realize through reading these forums that I wasn't at much of a risk (and Dr. HHH would have probably deleted my post), but as I mentioned I am going through an incredibly tough time emotionally right now even without the thought of contracting HIV.

I guess the difference of opinion on this site and thebody.com is what made me the most nervous.

Take care of yourselves and I wish you nothing but the best of health.

[anxious76]

I am sorry to hear of the recent events in your life as well.  I have done an incredible amount of research on this subject over the last couple of weeks and it sounds like you are in the same boat as me.  Perfectly fine yet unable to fully excelpt it because of your damaged emotional state.

I highly recommend counseling (if you haven't started already) as I start mine tomorrow.  I was never the type to open up to someone to express my feelings, but my mindset has really started to scare me lately.  

Take care of yourself...