Aa
To Everyone: An Apology
Hi guys and gals,
I just want to apologise for my post last Friday http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIVSupport/messages/1388.html
It's just I'm absolutely terrified myself; big painless lumps in my neck, intermittent rash, headaches, even though I know that symptoms mean nothing. I alternate between being worried about having infected the girl I slep with And I try to help with people's problems here, but it rarely seems to work.
I was also angry at myself for spending too much time on here!
I just wish a lot of you guys who haven't had risks could just let it be and get on with your lives. There is nothing more soul destroying than worrying about HIV, especially when the risk is protected sex, insertive oral, kissing, toilet seats (on and on and on!) But then again, if reassurance helps, even for a small while, I'll try and post when I can.
Sorry for my petulance!:)
I just want to apologise for my post last Friday http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIVSupport/messages/1388.html
It's just I'm absolutely terrified myself; big painless lumps in my neck, intermittent rash, headaches, even though I know that symptoms mean nothing. I alternate between being worried about having infected the girl I slep with And I try to help with people's problems here, but it rarely seems to work.
I was also angry at myself for spending too much time on here!
I just wish a lot of you guys who haven't had risks could just let it be and get on with your lives. There is nothing more soul destroying than worrying about HIV, especially when the risk is protected sex, insertive oral, kissing, toilet seats (on and on and on!) But then again, if reassurance helps, even for a small while, I'll try and post when I can.
Sorry for my petulance!:)
Hello Dobber, Thanks for your prompt response to my inquiry. You asked about my symptoms after my exposure. I am 58, married, got 3 kids. (18 & twins @ 16 yrs old) Had unprotected vaginal and oral for an evening (12/11) with a female of unknown status. She (41) was going through divorce and we met through mutual friends who thought we both needed attention. About 8 days post exposure, began to experience very pronunced aching in testicles. On day 9 (12/20), I went to "doc in box" for exam. Really nice female doc examined me and told me that I could have prostatitis or epididymitis. Also might be any of the regular STD's. She did prostate exam and said it was slightly enlarged. She gave me prescription for the usual STD treatment. Chalmydia / Gonorrhea. Sent me away and told me to get a PCP and be checked for HIV as well since female/male transmission of HIV is easier if STD's are present. So at day 23 my PCP tested me for AB/STD's, which was neg. By then I had been symptom shopping on the net and starting to get slightly enlarged node under one side of chin (confirmed by PCP). Also had sore nodes under arms and inguinal area (PCP felt no swelling). Felt achey all over and neck / joint pain but never any fever. Tongue began to get white coating overnight, lost appetite and soft stool. Saw PCP again and Tested PCR-DNA at day 43 - neg. Felt some better but still had sore nodes and aching testicles. Testicle ache stopped around week 9-10, tongue better but nodes still slightly sensitive. PCP prescribed Zanex since PCR-DNA and I have been coping. Today I had blood drawn for 12 week AB / STD test. Will have results by Thursday of this week. Spent (2) tours in Nam but never have experienced this kind of heart pounding fear or having thoughts consumed with anything so completely every damn day! "Nature of the beast", as they say. HIV Symptom shopping was worse thing I could have ever done but coming here was best thing ever for me. I mostly stay strong after reading your (and others that I trust) posts. What a "long, strange trip this has been!" I wish you well for the evening / morning and God Bless. (I'm in Savannah, Ga - USA) Would have responded sooner but share home office with wife of 20 years. Have to be careful with posting to internet. I'm praying to God we both have happy endings to our stories!
How could I stay away!
Having a very anxious day but it helps being on here. Hope all is well in SoCal:)
Having a very anxious day but it helps being on here. Hope all is well in SoCal:)
I hear you... We are all starting to become little experts on HIV testing and what not. And the simple things we learn, that others have yet to learn pull on us sometimes I think.
But in the end we are all scared and hoping to find that line on the internet that says "->name here<- you are fine and do not have HIV 100%"
Glad you are back...
But in the end we are all scared and hoping to find that line on the internet that says "->name here<- you are fine and do not have HIV 100%"
Glad you are back...
And to think it was an Irishman who won it for you guys....!
I can imagine Cardiff is a sombre place at the moment.
Thanks for all your posts guys, they really have been comforting:)
I can imagine Cardiff is a sombre place at the moment.
Thanks for all your posts guys, they really have been comforting:)
Hey man,
As long as we beat the Azzuri next weekend all will be well!
You're not ruining it for anyone, it's just disheartening to see you worrying about something you really don't need to be worrying about. Because you really, really don't need to be worrying about it!
The referee was a great help to you guys, but you deserved it:)
As long as we beat the Azzuri next weekend all will be well!
You're not ruining it for anyone, it's just disheartening to see you worrying about something you really don't need to be worrying about. Because you really, really don't need to be worrying about it!
The referee was a great help to you guys, but you deserved it:)
I know; 6 billion people, 100 million HIV positive at MOST, over half in Africa, we'll say 60 million out of a billion, that's 40 million out of 5 billion, at least half are gay, a good few are IV drug users, it leaves very few actual heterosexual HIVers.
But the fact remains, if a man goes into battle(!) unprotected, and I did, stupidly, a risk has been taken. All I can hope is that my colleague gets good news on Wednesday. She's had unprotected sex and only tested four weeks afterwards. I hope.
I'm an alcoholic. I'm off it now for nearly a month. I was extremely drunk when I made the mistake I made. I really love my girlfriend, even though my actions might suggest otherwise. We never have sex, but I'm willing to give up the one thing - booze - that makes me seek it out elsewhere. All I can do now is hope that I've been lucky...again! (Even though I don't deserve it)
You're great Peekawho, you really are. Now go and study! If you pass your exam I'll fedex you a chocolate donut:)
But the fact remains, if a man goes into battle(!) unprotected, and I did, stupidly, a risk has been taken. All I can hope is that my colleague gets good news on Wednesday. She's had unprotected sex and only tested four weeks afterwards. I hope.
I'm an alcoholic. I'm off it now for nearly a month. I was extremely drunk when I made the mistake I made. I really love my girlfriend, even though my actions might suggest otherwise. We never have sex, but I'm willing to give up the one thing - booze - that makes me seek it out elsewhere. All I can do now is hope that I've been lucky...again! (Even though I don't deserve it)
You're great Peekawho, you really are. Now go and study! If you pass your exam I'll fedex you a chocolate donut:)
I guess, but millions and millions of people have unprotected sex, and a very very small percentage of those are HIV pos. Cancer is by far more common. I'd just worry more about that. In fact, I've had cancer and sucessfully overcame it, but live with the fact that it could return at any time.
What I'm also trying to get at in a very roundabout way, is that if you are an average person, an act of intercourse will probably occur with regularity...so how can everyone say their symptoms "must" be related to sex? If I had sex, and the next day I developed say, athletes foot, it would be wrong to say that the athletes foot must have been linked to my sex act. (unless feet were involved, but lets not digress!)
I don't know really what I'm trying to say. Just musing. I'm actually trying to keep from studying for my Advanced Cardiac Life Support test on Saturday, that's why I was here a lot last week.g
I really really need to go study! But I don't wanna!
What I'm also trying to get at in a very roundabout way, is that if you are an average person, an act of intercourse will probably occur with regularity...so how can everyone say their symptoms "must" be related to sex? If I had sex, and the next day I developed say, athletes foot, it would be wrong to say that the athletes foot must have been linked to my sex act. (unless feet were involved, but lets not digress!)
I don't know really what I'm trying to say. Just musing. I'm actually trying to keep from studying for my Advanced Cardiac Life Support test on Saturday, that's why I was here a lot last week.g
I really really need to go study! But I don't wanna!
I'm 25, I've had unprotected sex lately, and I'm in a relationship. That's why I worry about HIV and not Non-Hodgkins.
I actually thought about that a lot when I first started worrying about this. I often thought I'd rather have cancer than HIV. See, the latter is still epically stigmatized, and you always think about all the people you'd let down if you actually had it. People wouldn't really understand.
Furthermore, you would have a lack of peers. I know a lot of 'friends' who would run a mile if they found out someone they knew was infected. Wrong, yes, ignorant, yes, but eminently likely.
Also, for me, considering this is my second time to act so stupidly, it's like I deserve it. I know that's silly but it's how the brain works.
you said in an earlier post that if you contracted HIV in a work setting, you would still have to deal with the stigma. Perhaps, but people would sympathize, they would feel you had been hard done by. If people get it from unprotected sex or IV drug use, others would reckon that they got what they deserved. Wrong and cruel but it's the way most people think.
One final part. Over here it's still seen as a 'gay' disease. If I contracted it, people would think I was bisexual. I've no problems with what people think about me, but it would lead to a lot of beatings!
On top of all that, it's the thought of never, ever finding a cure. Never ever living without pills. Mutated viruses, drug resistance, dying young from a disease that completely shatters your immune system. I know cancer is no walk in the park, but it boils down to dignity, and if you were HIV positive over here, they'd strip you of it fairly quickly.
Don't know if that answers your question!:)
I actually thought about that a lot when I first started worrying about this. I often thought I'd rather have cancer than HIV. See, the latter is still epically stigmatized, and you always think about all the people you'd let down if you actually had it. People wouldn't really understand.
Furthermore, you would have a lack of peers. I know a lot of 'friends' who would run a mile if they found out someone they knew was infected. Wrong, yes, ignorant, yes, but eminently likely.
Also, for me, considering this is my second time to act so stupidly, it's like I deserve it. I know that's silly but it's how the brain works.
you said in an earlier post that if you contracted HIV in a work setting, you would still have to deal with the stigma. Perhaps, but people would sympathize, they would feel you had been hard done by. If people get it from unprotected sex or IV drug use, others would reckon that they got what they deserved. Wrong and cruel but it's the way most people think.
One final part. Over here it's still seen as a 'gay' disease. If I contracted it, people would think I was bisexual. I've no problems with what people think about me, but it would lead to a lot of beatings!
On top of all that, it's the thought of never, ever finding a cure. Never ever living without pills. Mutated viruses, drug resistance, dying young from a disease that completely shatters your immune system. I know cancer is no walk in the park, but it boils down to dignity, and if you were HIV positive over here, they'd strip you of it fairly quickly.
Don't know if that answers your question!:)
Hotter than Hades yesterday. Today will be hotter! Big fires not too awfully far from here, too.
Hey, how come you guys with these huge lymph nodes never seem to worry about it being cancer?
That would be my big concern if I had a huge lymph node type lump somewhere. Something common, not like HIV.
??? Or I'd worry about some other dread disease, and by focusing on HIV, I'd worry I was delaying diagnosing something else.
Just curious why the first thing that comes to mind is HIV, not cancer.
Hey, how come you guys with these huge lymph nodes never seem to worry about it being cancer?
That would be my big concern if I had a huge lymph node type lump somewhere. Something common, not like HIV.
??? Or I'd worry about some other dread disease, and by focusing on HIV, I'd worry I was delaying diagnosing something else.
Just curious why the first thing that comes to mind is HIV, not cancer.
Scared,
Just checked your own thread.
Here it comes..................
"Scared_25 you are fine and do not have HIV 100%'
Now run away with those words and get on with your life!:)
Just checked your own thread.
Here it comes..................
"Scared_25 you are fine and do not have HIV 100%'
Now run away with those words and get on with your life!:)
Forza italia! You guys all know that we Italians are the best when it comes to soccer right?
Dobber, its good to see you back. You're a good person and a good service to everyone else on here so don't let me ruin that ok
Dobber, its good to see you back. You're a good person and a good service to everyone else on here so don't let me ruin that ok
To be honest, I'm keeping a low profile re: rugby. I've only been here the last 7 years - the rest of my life was in England! So I can feel happy about yesterday (we did you a favour!), but you gave us a good pasting a few weeks ago!! But I'm trying not to even mention rugby around my workmates...:)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Every body learns from their mistakes, I've learnt it too probably learnt it the hard way, guys i really appreciate all your support, its been of a great value to me, I'm really wondering if world was a small place, so small where we could hop skip and jump to reach a common location I'd have certainly thrown all you wonderful people a treat. keep the good work up guys, more Micheals to come here in the future they all would need it.
Hello again Dobber.
Just one question mate. You gave me a bit of a hard time saying i wasn't at risk.
Why, after a negative 12 week test are you still worried?
The doc says 4-6 weeks is conclusive, and 12 is old school over conservative.
I had a negative p24 antigen and HIV 1 and 2 antibodies test after 8-9 weeks and you gave me grief for still being worried. So why should you be after a 12 week negative test?
Cheers
J
Just one question mate. You gave me a bit of a hard time saying i wasn't at risk.
Why, after a negative 12 week test are you still worried?
The doc says 4-6 weeks is conclusive, and 12 is old school over conservative.
I had a negative p24 antigen and HIV 1 and 2 antibodies test after 8-9 weeks and you gave me grief for still being worried. So why should you be after a 12 week negative test?
Cheers
J
Sharing it relieves your own guilt, but it also transfers the associated worries to the other person.
That's why it's wrong to tell. I came clean and it nearly ruined the best thing in both our lives. It also made my partner worry when there was nothing to worry about. And believe me, neither of you guys have nothing to worry about. Nothing.
Now that's the objective part. Personally, I think humans treat each other badly in many, many other ways, and that being unfaithful is at the low end of the scale. I know guys who have never strayed, but that beat the **** out their partners, or make it their business to shatter their self-confidence. I know girls who have ruined their partner's lives by being possessive, selfish and manipulating, but have never strayed.
There's too much emphasis placed on fidelity. We're not even programmed for it as a species!
I'm not condoning it. It's just I know a lot of moral high ground marties who never cheat but ruin their spouse's lives. I hate myself for what I've done, but I'm sure as hell not going to transfer my own failings onto my partner.
And neither should you Mike!:)
That's why it's wrong to tell. I came clean and it nearly ruined the best thing in both our lives. It also made my partner worry when there was nothing to worry about. And believe me, neither of you guys have nothing to worry about. Nothing.
Now that's the objective part. Personally, I think humans treat each other badly in many, many other ways, and that being unfaithful is at the low end of the scale. I know guys who have never strayed, but that beat the **** out their partners, or make it their business to shatter their self-confidence. I know girls who have ruined their partner's lives by being possessive, selfish and manipulating, but have never strayed.
There's too much emphasis placed on fidelity. We're not even programmed for it as a species!
I'm not condoning it. It's just I know a lot of moral high ground marties who never cheat but ruin their spouse's lives. I hate myself for what I've done, but I'm sure as hell not going to transfer my own failings onto my partner.
And neither should you Mike!:)
Mike - I agree with dobber, although I'm sure other posters may not. In the end, I felt that what I did was a terrible mistake that I will never do again, but it was very much MY mistake. Sharing it relieves your own guilt, but it also transfers the associated worries to the other person. The question is whether that is fair, and I felt it wasn't, especially in a situation where I know it will never happen again. I think peekawho said it too - if it is a one-off bit of stupidity, then let it go and learn from it. Obviously, if it keeps on happening, then maybe there are other issues that need dealing with.
Cardiff??
A bad weekend for the Welsh, the Italians will be all fired up for their match with us next week!
Hope you're having a good one:)
A bad weekend for the Welsh, the Italians will be all fired up for their match with us next week!
Hope you're having a good one:)
I'm just really hoping her results are negative! I think she'll have them Wednesday.
Ah even if she isn't it's still a long shot that I'm infected.
I really need a coffee!
But thanks for your reassurance:)
Ah even if she isn't it's still a long shot that I'm infected.
I really need a coffee!
But thanks for your reassurance:)
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the HIV Prevention Community
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
Can I get HIV from surfaces, like toilet seats?
Can you get HIV from casual contact, like hugging?
Frequency of HIV testing depends on your risk.
Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) may help prevent HIV infection.
