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To all worriers.... LEARN FROM ME!!
All:
HOpefully this won't be too long but I am a former HIV obsessed worrier like many of you on here. Here is a little background on my situation:
I had unprotected vaginal/anal with a female from Nov, 2007 - May, 2008. The relationship ended in May. I was in another relationship at the time (I know - bad idea) and I kept seeing this woman. In Sept, 2008 she developed a small rash on her back. I thought I'd look it up to see if it was anything serious. Well, as most of you know if you look up "rash" on the internet and ARS and everything else related to HIV shows up. I had no symptoms or any reason to believe the other woman I was with for a few mos was infected. I got tested at 5 mos past last possible exposure which was negative. I thought it was over but it was just beginning. I then developed every "symptom" under the sun. Some were doctor confirmed and others were apparently a figment of my imagination. I did develop 2 staph infections on my neck that were treated with antibiotics. I was convinced I had OHL and/or Thrush. As many on here have said I was convinced I had swollen lymph nodes in neck and armpits.
Well - I spent 2 yrs (until today) in total hell. I took time off work, jeoparized relationships, and jeopardized my career. All because I couldn't focus on anything else other than having HIV. I spent an entire day calling the AIDS hotlines in all 50 states explaining my situation and test results looking for reassurance. I posted several topics on here and thebody.com under other usernames hoping for answers. Again - I was in pure hell barely able to function.
I was so convinced I had OHL that I sucked on mints and cough drops 24x7 for 2 yrs. Literally sleeping with them in my mouth because it kept my mouth from feeling dry. Of course all of that friction created hyperkeratosis which was white on the cheeks and tongue obviously contributing to my fears. I saw counselors, psychiatrists and was even put on Meds. Everyone told me I was nuts and to believe my test and the Dr's. Oh yeah - in the mean time the girl I was with had a child and apparently was very healthy. None of this changed my mind.
Last week I had done so much damage to my mouth/teeth that I couldn't take the pain anymore. Although I was scared to death the dentist would tell me I had OHL I had to go to relieve myself of the pain. Of course I go through the exam asking him to check and he sees nothing related to AIDS but sees lots of damaged caused by my sucking mints/cough drops. I now have to have a tooth surgically removed and 2 root canals as a result of my OCD behavior.
Based on the dentist's findings (or lackthereof) I decided yesterday was the day to get tested again. I got tested for everything under the sun and I got the results back today. As the experts (Medical and user) predicted on here and thebody I was negative. HIV was not my problem..No way no how!!
The impact was I have not had sex in over 2 yrs for fear of passing it on. I've been depressed and have not been a good parent. Those are the bad things. The good that came out of it is that my view on the disease (HIV/AIDS) is completely different than when I started this journey. I was guilty of assuming it was a "gay disease" and that those who got it (gay or straight) deserved it based on their behavior. I took a stupid risk and got lucky. Many many aren't as fortunate and they will forever be in my prayers. I've honestly taken the time to educate people if the topic ever comes up based on my experience. This experience has definitely made me much more open minded and compassionate.
The bottom line is: Listen to the experts on here... Don't search the internet to perform self diagnosis....and always take proper precautions. There is no "orgasm" worth getting infected with this disease or even worse exposing someone else to it. It's such a scary disease due to the lack of specific symptoms and how long one can go without knowing they are infected. I'm posting this hoping someone will read this and not give up hope. The last thing I'll say is that the day I took my first test I had my suicide letters written (kids and parents) assuming the worst. This was before I learned about false positives so THANK GOD that did not occur. After learning about the disease and the effective treatments my reaction to have suicidal thoughts was beyond ridiculous and very selfish.
Best of luck to everyone out there. My prayers are with you as I understand EXACTLY what you are going through when it comes to worrying about valid test results.
HOpefully this won't be too long but I am a former HIV obsessed worrier like many of you on here. Here is a little background on my situation:
I had unprotected vaginal/anal with a female from Nov, 2007 - May, 2008. The relationship ended in May. I was in another relationship at the time (I know - bad idea) and I kept seeing this woman. In Sept, 2008 she developed a small rash on her back. I thought I'd look it up to see if it was anything serious. Well, as most of you know if you look up "rash" on the internet and ARS and everything else related to HIV shows up. I had no symptoms or any reason to believe the other woman I was with for a few mos was infected. I got tested at 5 mos past last possible exposure which was negative. I thought it was over but it was just beginning. I then developed every "symptom" under the sun. Some were doctor confirmed and others were apparently a figment of my imagination. I did develop 2 staph infections on my neck that were treated with antibiotics. I was convinced I had OHL and/or Thrush. As many on here have said I was convinced I had swollen lymph nodes in neck and armpits.
Well - I spent 2 yrs (until today) in total hell. I took time off work, jeoparized relationships, and jeopardized my career. All because I couldn't focus on anything else other than having HIV. I spent an entire day calling the AIDS hotlines in all 50 states explaining my situation and test results looking for reassurance. I posted several topics on here and thebody.com under other usernames hoping for answers. Again - I was in pure hell barely able to function.
I was so convinced I had OHL that I sucked on mints and cough drops 24x7 for 2 yrs. Literally sleeping with them in my mouth because it kept my mouth from feeling dry. Of course all of that friction created hyperkeratosis which was white on the cheeks and tongue obviously contributing to my fears. I saw counselors, psychiatrists and was even put on Meds. Everyone told me I was nuts and to believe my test and the Dr's. Oh yeah - in the mean time the girl I was with had a child and apparently was very healthy. None of this changed my mind.
Last week I had done so much damage to my mouth/teeth that I couldn't take the pain anymore. Although I was scared to death the dentist would tell me I had OHL I had to go to relieve myself of the pain. Of course I go through the exam asking him to check and he sees nothing related to AIDS but sees lots of damaged caused by my sucking mints/cough drops. I now have to have a tooth surgically removed and 2 root canals as a result of my OCD behavior.
Based on the dentist's findings (or lackthereof) I decided yesterday was the day to get tested again. I got tested for everything under the sun and I got the results back today. As the experts (Medical and user) predicted on here and thebody I was negative. HIV was not my problem..No way no how!!
The impact was I have not had sex in over 2 yrs for fear of passing it on. I've been depressed and have not been a good parent. Those are the bad things. The good that came out of it is that my view on the disease (HIV/AIDS) is completely different than when I started this journey. I was guilty of assuming it was a "gay disease" and that those who got it (gay or straight) deserved it based on their behavior. I took a stupid risk and got lucky. Many many aren't as fortunate and they will forever be in my prayers. I've honestly taken the time to educate people if the topic ever comes up based on my experience. This experience has definitely made me much more open minded and compassionate.
The bottom line is: Listen to the experts on here... Don't search the internet to perform self diagnosis....and always take proper precautions. There is no "orgasm" worth getting infected with this disease or even worse exposing someone else to it. It's such a scary disease due to the lack of specific symptoms and how long one can go without knowing they are infected. I'm posting this hoping someone will read this and not give up hope. The last thing I'll say is that the day I took my first test I had my suicide letters written (kids and parents) assuming the worst. This was before I learned about false positives so THANK GOD that did not occur. After learning about the disease and the effective treatments my reaction to have suicidal thoughts was beyond ridiculous and very selfish.
Best of luck to everyone out there. My prayers are with you as I understand EXACTLY what you are going through when it comes to worrying about valid test results.
Thanks for ur information an share with us.i am aalways worry for ohl in my month and also the month ulcer .but I test negative for 14 month 14 times test. Just early one time hsv 2 test positive.then follow down all is negative.becauae of this,it make me worry for a years until now.even doc also ask me look for mental doc.
Thx for the helpfull info all my prayers are with you and with any one else suffering like us
it's been a year for me living this fear I'm really sick of that
I wish I could wake up one day and forget about that incident
it's been a year for me living this fear I'm really sick of that
I wish I could wake up one day and forget about that incident
I did want to say one last thing. Here is the list of symptioms I was sure I had:
1 - Staph Infection (doctor confirmed)
2 - Thrush
3 - OHL
4 - Mouth Ulcers
5 - Swollen Lumph Nodes (armpits and neck)
6 - Oral Warts
7 - Fatigue/Muscle/Join Pain
Probably others as well but I had all of these within a few weeks of each other. So take it from me - SYMPTOMS MEAN NOTHING!!
1 - Staph Infection (doctor confirmed)
2 - Thrush
3 - OHL
4 - Mouth Ulcers
5 - Swollen Lumph Nodes (armpits and neck)
6 - Oral Warts
7 - Fatigue/Muscle/Join Pain
Probably others as well but I had all of these within a few weeks of each other. So take it from me - SYMPTOMS MEAN NOTHING!!
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