Aa
Woman to Woman exposure...need reassurance
Hey guys,
I have been lurking in here for about two weeks now. I recently paid my $15.00 and asked a question to Dr. H regarding a "potential" exposure that my wife had. He quickly responded to me and said that there is no risk and no need to test. (NOTE-that prior to this "exposure" we have both been tested years ago, were negative, and we are monogomous. At the same time I also posed the question to the forum on aidsmeds.org as well as Dr. Bob at thebody.org. Ann, Andy, and Rapidrod on Aidsmeds told me the same thing that Dr. H said. No risk, no need to test. Dr. Bob on the other hand responded and said that it would carry a minimal risk and to have a test at the three month mark to put our fears to rest. Now in my mind, minimal is not the same thing as "no risk". I have asked a follow up question to Dr. Bob but he has not answered me. I thought I would get some of your opinions on this situation to help me through this. (I'll preface this by saying that I do have a problem with OCD and paranoia and I am getting professional help for that.
Here is our story:
We don't get out much and we decided over the Memorial Day holiday to go to a swingers club. This was a spur of the moment, out of curiousity decision. We have never been with anyone else since we have been married and we decided before we went that we would only play with each other and keep any interaction with others to just "soft" play. While we were there my wife and I ended up having sex in a room full of other people who were having sex also. There was a couple next to us having sex and the woman and my wife began to touch each other. (NOTE-there was no kissing and no oral sex at all.) The female stopped having sex with her partner and my wife stopped having sex with me and they began to caress each other and mutually masturbate each other. This is where our concern begins. We are concerned that the other woman may have masturbated herself and had some of her vaginal fluids or her partners semen on her fingers and then masturbated my wife. My wife did the same to her and then may have touched herself again. We are concerned that this has put us at risk for HIV. We have read that HIV does not last long outside of the body and that you could not transmit it that way. Reading that along with Dr. H's response that there was no risk made us feel better. That is until the symptoms came along.
Her Symptoms:
Two weeks after the incident my wife came down with a very bad earache and head congestion. On top of that she got a cold sore which she has had before but it has been a long time ago.
Since the incident my wife and I have had unprotected sex with each other and if she has something from this incident I could have gotten it; therefore my symptoms:
Two and a half weeks after the incident I have come down with the same congestion, earache, and muscle tension in my groin area and lower/middle back. I have also had an itchy rash on the upper part of my leg. I believe I have had this rash before though.
This whole incident is haunting us. Crazy, I know. Most hetero guys would be loving it if this had happened to them. I wish it had never happened and I want our life back the way it was. It seems really wierd that these symptoms came along all of a sudden. I have had colds before but the fact that she got it first and then I got it seems uncanny. I want to say that we got a cold because we were run down from the stress and that this is all stress related. Everything in my mind keeps pointing back to HIV though. Somebody please help me!!!
ScaredinFL
I have been lurking in here for about two weeks now. I recently paid my $15.00 and asked a question to Dr. H regarding a "potential" exposure that my wife had. He quickly responded to me and said that there is no risk and no need to test. (NOTE-that prior to this "exposure" we have both been tested years ago, were negative, and we are monogomous. At the same time I also posed the question to the forum on aidsmeds.org as well as Dr. Bob at thebody.org. Ann, Andy, and Rapidrod on Aidsmeds told me the same thing that Dr. H said. No risk, no need to test. Dr. Bob on the other hand responded and said that it would carry a minimal risk and to have a test at the three month mark to put our fears to rest. Now in my mind, minimal is not the same thing as "no risk". I have asked a follow up question to Dr. Bob but he has not answered me. I thought I would get some of your opinions on this situation to help me through this. (I'll preface this by saying that I do have a problem with OCD and paranoia and I am getting professional help for that.
Here is our story:
We don't get out much and we decided over the Memorial Day holiday to go to a swingers club. This was a spur of the moment, out of curiousity decision. We have never been with anyone else since we have been married and we decided before we went that we would only play with each other and keep any interaction with others to just "soft" play. While we were there my wife and I ended up having sex in a room full of other people who were having sex also. There was a couple next to us having sex and the woman and my wife began to touch each other. (NOTE-there was no kissing and no oral sex at all.) The female stopped having sex with her partner and my wife stopped having sex with me and they began to caress each other and mutually masturbate each other. This is where our concern begins. We are concerned that the other woman may have masturbated herself and had some of her vaginal fluids or her partners semen on her fingers and then masturbated my wife. My wife did the same to her and then may have touched herself again. We are concerned that this has put us at risk for HIV. We have read that HIV does not last long outside of the body and that you could not transmit it that way. Reading that along with Dr. H's response that there was no risk made us feel better. That is until the symptoms came along.
Her Symptoms:
Two weeks after the incident my wife came down with a very bad earache and head congestion. On top of that she got a cold sore which she has had before but it has been a long time ago.
Since the incident my wife and I have had unprotected sex with each other and if she has something from this incident I could have gotten it; therefore my symptoms:
Two and a half weeks after the incident I have come down with the same congestion, earache, and muscle tension in my groin area and lower/middle back. I have also had an itchy rash on the upper part of my leg. I believe I have had this rash before though.
This whole incident is haunting us. Crazy, I know. Most hetero guys would be loving it if this had happened to them. I wish it had never happened and I want our life back the way it was. It seems really wierd that these symptoms came along all of a sudden. I have had colds before but the fact that she got it first and then I got it seems uncanny. I want to say that we got a cold because we were run down from the stress and that this is all stress related. Everything in my mind keeps pointing back to HIV though. Somebody please help me!!!
ScaredinFL
Scared,
Dr.Bob is being what I call, "on the CDC bandwagon". NO, and I mean NO risk thru Woman-Woman oral. If it was, lesbians around the world would be standing in huge lines at the testing facilities. How often do you see a lesbian test for HIV? Nil. Lol........
No worries Scared....No worries....u are fine
Dr.Bob is being what I call, "on the CDC bandwagon". NO, and I mean NO risk thru Woman-Woman oral. If it was, lesbians around the world would be standing in huge lines at the testing facilities. How often do you see a lesbian test for HIV? Nil. Lol........
No worries Scared....No worries....u are fine
The risk was not oral...there was no oral performed either way. The risk we are concerned about is the mutual masturbation with the woman touching herself and then masturbating my wife. That is the crux of our anxiety. Also, what concerns me is that I have read that there has been transmission of HIV through the sharing of sex toys. What is the difference between sex toys transmitting it and fingers transmitting it? They both would have had secretions on them and they both would have been exposed to the air. Or am I just off base here? Maybe I don't understand the biology involved. I think my fears are driven from the fact that I grew up in a very conservative home and went to private school all of my life where the only sex education was abstinence. Their feeling was that if you do ANYTHING you could get something.
Teak, Mike_No, Peekawho, do you have anything to add to this. You seem very knowledgeable about this subject. Tell me I'm being anxious for nothing and crazy about this supposed "no risk" event.
Teak, Mike_No, Peekawho, do you have anything to add to this. You seem very knowledgeable about this subject. Tell me I'm being anxious for nothing and crazy about this supposed "no risk" event.
The virus is only found in the cervical portion of female secretions....that is why it is more common for a man to transmit the virus to a woman than vice versa. Men are still at the top of the chain....mainly because male to male sex is in such a high risk catagory.
Sun2,
I appreciate your responses. I have read some of your other posts and see that you have been in an anxious state regarding this subject before just like I am now. Regarding your last statement: What if (and I know that is a slippery slope) the other woman had her partners semen on her hands and then masturbated my wife (we don't know if she did or not). Then my wife would have been exposed to semen on the fingers and not the other womans vaginal secretions. The case you make about the vaginal secretions holds water with me but what about the semen? I know this is a crazy situation and probably pales in comparison to other peoples concerns but to me it is a real fear.
ScaredinFLA
I appreciate your responses. I have read some of your other posts and see that you have been in an anxious state regarding this subject before just like I am now. Regarding your last statement: What if (and I know that is a slippery slope) the other woman had her partners semen on her hands and then masturbated my wife (we don't know if she did or not). Then my wife would have been exposed to semen on the fingers and not the other womans vaginal secretions. The case you make about the vaginal secretions holds water with me but what about the semen? I know this is a crazy situation and probably pales in comparison to other peoples concerns but to me it is a real fear.
ScaredinFLA
If you can't get over this non risk fear of yours, seek the help of a mental health professional.
Thank you for your response...and for the record I am already seeing a mental health professional to deal with my OCD and paranoia. The rational part of my mind knows what my real problem is and I know when I can't handle it alone and need to get help.
I'm assuming by your response that you agree that it was a no risk situation?
ScaredinFLA
I'm assuming by your response that you agree that it was a no risk situation?
ScaredinFLA
Not to be rude.....but mine was REAL fear as well. SO MUCH FEAR I damaged my health, and I actually had a risk. Not a high risk....but still a risk. So, while I help others....I am helping myself in my personal battles with HIV fear. So that is my story.
-Sun
-Sun
You know. That comment was not meant for you ScaredinFLA....sorry, I meant it on another topic...lol. Sorry. =(
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