should i be worried out of my mind?

[hmlhml1]

Hi. New here.  Never expected I would need to ask a question here.  Separated for 14 months after a long, long marriage, many decades.  I decided after 14 months of separation and finally getting myself into a good place to try the dating scene.  Talked with a guy a few times then we met for a drink.  Went back to his house after a nice long talk, revealing we know mutual people, and stupid me thought something might happen but not "going all the way" was not what i expected.  Well it happened now im freaking out.  He used a condom which was good until the condom came off or he took it off.  He was having a difficult time maintaining an erection.  I couldnt even tell you if he finished while in me because he couldnt keep it in much.  I am scared to death I could have caught something. (HIV) We talked after and he said he was tested because of a recent surgery and he was clean of everything.  I want so much to believe him. He even told me the next day to chill because he was clean.  I went to the doctor today and was tested for stds but found out i have to wait for HIV test.  I lost it.  How could i be so stupid.  I am a woman in my 50's.I should know better.  What is anyones opinion?   Please I need to calm myself down.

[hmlhml1]

Hi everyone,  Well 3 weeks have past and on friday i had a hiv pcr test.  Now i am dealing with such anxiety waiting and wondering what the result will be.  I am overwhelmed with anxiety.  Yes I am taking meds for the anxiety.  

I still think i want to take the duo test. SOON.

In the meantime i have met a wonderful guy that i would like to continue to see but with all this anxiety i just dont know.  We havent had intercourse but have done oral both ways.  Now i feel guilty that i did anything with him because of my encounter i had with another person (see my orignial post) the reason why i had the test done in the first place and have all this anxiety.  Now with all the anxiety I am wondering if this new guy is clean.  Do i need to have another std test or wait weeks again and have another HIV test because of what me and the new guy i like have done?  The dating scene maybe isnt for me.  As much as i like the new guy I dont think i will see him because of the anxiety it causes me.  I know it sounds crazy but it has been so long since Ive had to do this.  I just need peace of mind. Thanks for listening.

[hmlhml1]

how to i find that forum?

[bigboss123]

Go to the HIV Anxiety fourm. For help dealing with your anxiety. Intill you can get some professinal help. You will be okay. Just relax and dont stress.

[hmlhml1]

still very worried.  its affecting my sleeping, eating just everyday life.  I cant tell you all how disappointed i am in myself.  Jan 27th cant get here soon enough for the HIV PCR, still dont know which one.  

My OCD is taking over now i know that. Ive always had the biggest fear of blood and the diseases ex. HIV, that you can get from blood.  This triggers the OCD. The only piece of mind i have is when i sleep and thats all i want to do.  

I know you all have said dont worry and im trying to understand that.  Im just so scared.  

Thank you to a couple of the members who have emailed me privately.  You have given me a wealth of info.  
Please i need all your support because I dont know if im going to make it through this waiting.  

Is there any other good forums for me to post on Medhelp? or any other members who have some expertise, I would love to know.

Thank you all again.

[RainLover71]

Go to your profile page and check your inbox,I just messaged you.

[hmlhml1]

how do i leave a message via the inbox.