After 19 weeks; I'm close to an emotional meltdown

[miked]

I come to this board to share  information and to learn from people very knowledgable about HCV.

Typically I'm not the type to let my guard down to anyone or anything.  It's not a macho thing, just my nature.

Over the past week I have come close to an emotional meltdown.  I'm seriously considering stopping tx.

At present I am in week 19 of Prove 3.  I know that I'm in either Group B or Group D because I'm taking Rivavirin and have went through the VX950 rash, which is now under control.

As posted before I own a business that performs business development for "clients".  The business development is y main function and cannot be delegated.  People depend on me for incomes for their families.  

I've shared with key individuals at my clients that I'm going through chemo.  However business is business because last week one major client cancelled their contact with my firm.

My son is starting varsity for his soccer team after years and years of training.  I've missed all of his games so far because the VX950 rash is sensitive to sun and heat.  Yesterday morning my entire family left for an away tournament.  I broke down when they pulled out of the driveway.

The lake, camping, fishing, vacation has all been off limits this summer.

The Interferon and Ribavrin is taking it's toll as well.  Every member of my family is getting tired of me being sick, tired and in a foul mood.

I want my life back.  Last tx about a week after stopping I started running again (been a long distance runner all my life), food tasted good, I could listen to music again, my sense of humor came back, etc.

Maybe it's the VX950 beccause it didn't get to this point last time.  Poor me, huh?

[orphanedhawk]

Personally, the only way I made it through tx was be becoming a hermit. Even doing that, I had a HUGE fight with my sister, and we never fight. I broke down once at the lab when either the tech messed up or I straightened my arm and popped the needle out. I  sat there with blood flowing down my  arm, crying. That was not me!! It was the meds.

No you can't expect to function normally while on tx. You can rely on things changing. I was doing neupogen and at one point my doc upped it to 3x/week. I tried it and wanted to stop so bad, I didn't care about relapsing or anything else. I told my doc and he lowered my dosage.

Y

  

[orphanedhawk]

Damn thing just stole my post before I could finish or proofread it or anything!

If it were me, I'd try and find someone I trust to take over my position at work. Put your energy into healing. That's my advice.   Good luck                    OH

[SJL]

First of all Congrats for holding down your job, to me, this is almost unthinkable! If you haven't learned to delegate, now is the time. You say that their is no-one else who can manage your position-I say "Give it a try." You might be surprised by someone. You have gone so far to turn away now. I really don't know what your stats are, but I did all 3 interferons for a total of 102 wks., and I still have Hep C. I applaud people who are going through the trials, it is not just everyone who can or will do this.The knowledge gained from these trials will ultimately help everyone. I know these words don't help at this time, but, you are a hero in my eyes.

I have developed Cryoglobulenmia, along with Neuropathy from the Interferons. Presently they cannot give me more interferons so I am starting Rituxin therapy in Oct. I'm scared to death-but I don't want to continue feeling this way forever, and it would get worse, putting me in a wheelchair. The idea is to put the Hep C on the back burner for now, and treat the Cryo, which might help my Neuropathy.I am a 1B, grade 3,stage 4, which the Doctors say might be a 6 by now. So I have no time to wait, this is a must. Maybe if you look at your stats in this way it would help-and hopefully they are not this bad. I feel that work is an impossibility-I have been off therapy for 13 mths., and I still feel like s---. I get frustrated so easily, my temper flares, I cannot remember things, I have no energy, and the list goes on & on, like everyone else. This is why I am trying or accomplishing the Rituxin therapy. Every day brings us a new day and we never know what to expect-I have had many days like you and without my family & friends, I would have never made it. Rely on them-they will understand. Point out some articles for them to read about Hep C, or better yet, let them log into Medhelp, and the understanding should be there. Hang in Miked, even with everything going on-you are one of our Heros!
Hope you are feeling somewhat better this aft.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers,
SJL

[drofi]

Dear Miked,
interferon is well known for a on effect on the mood. From the statistics more than 25% get a depression from Tx.
You are in the VX-study, I am not sure about the comedication. Is it allowed to take SSRI?
When I took the SSRI Citalopram (or better the improved d-form from it, Cipralex), I had a better quality of life. Today I can not take SSRI, because I have low platelets.
My advice is to try an antidepressant, if this is allowed in the study.

All the best, drofi

[orleans]

Ya gotta hang in there dude. I'm on the verge of starting tx and when I have my meltdown I might need your encouragement and war stories to keep me goin'!! jerry

[Andiamo1]

I second the main theme here; don't drop out  before 24 weeks.  You are 3/4 of the way through this and you will make it the rest of the way.

I also have thoughts about dropping out - it is impossible not to.  I think Telepravir definitely makes it considerably worse.  remember why you did this in the first place and what it will mean to you and your family to reach SVR.  that is what I think about during the dark moments.  They will pass and you will make it.