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Aggression--"horrible"thoughts--in treatment!
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Aggression--"horrible"thoughts--in treatment!

I find myself at 56 yrs old charged with "Unlawful confinement" and "Assault". This is not me, I did do that, but cannot--or could not understand what was happening to me, never a mean or nasty bone in my body, friends will testify until my "chemo"
Just wondering can anyone else relate? This is devasting to me!
CDCANADA
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148588_tn?1401923955
It's one of the reasons all alpha interfeons carry a black box warning - you have a statistically higher probability of hurting yourself and/or those around you when you're on them.
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276730_tn?1327966546
I unfortunately had rage very very bad all the time I was on tx. Its one of the effects as you well know. All I can say is take deep breaths and just try. I was literally off the walls with rage. The sound of birds, rain, motorcyles and just to see people annoyed me to no end.
After tx it will end. Sorry you have to experience that feeling.
Im the most calm, laid back person and I was a maniac 24/7.

It will get better!
Charm
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Avatar_f_tn
unfortunately yes i can relate to you, i too am pretty laid back and hate a bunch of drama, but these past few weeks i have turned into a maniac too, especially at wal-mart and while driving. i have to keep reminding myself that it's the meds and to calm down. i used to get like this when i had pms, i hate getting like that, but like i said i have to talk to myself, but at least we know what is happening and we have each other to relate to, that makes a world of difference for me.
i hope it gets better for you, and if your friends are for real they will support you and understand.........................
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Avatar_f_tn
Tx is a life altering experience CDC.  You recognize it for what it is and that's half the battle.
I find alone time helps me to regroup so I can keep going forward.  We all experince the aggression to one degree or another.

Jonney, Wal-Mart made me nuts before I started tx.  I think the highway and Wal-Mart are the true litmus test of whether or not we will just "snap".  I used to put things back in their proper place at Wal-Mart.  Now if I decide I don't want the item in my buggy I just throw it the first available shelf.  That's inconsiderate but it's better than beating someone over the head with it.  LOL
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Avatar_f_tn
CDC: "charged with "Unlawful confinement" and "Assault".
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What was the unlawful confinement charge about?
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Avatar_f_tn
lol lol lol trinity, that's a good one!!!
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233616_tn?1312790796
hmmm...you have to through this chemo to relate....we can in here..but don't expect others who have never felt what you feel to understand. You should absolutely talk to your doc about an antidepressant. Your brain has been chemically altered by the chemo and needs help just to maintain normal level of serotonin which brings peace to the brain cells. Otherwise you will have too much norephiephrine which cause mania, anxiety, and violent outbursts......I can only use my own experiences borne of this disease and my faith combined. This treatment has a physical and spiritual component and both must be addressed to have any peace or maintain relationships during the tx.

Trin said:
>>>>>>Now if I decide I don't want the item in my buggy I just throw it the first available shelf.  That's inconsiderate but it's better than beating someone over the head with it.  LOL

maybe that same theology should be applied in cyberspace as well.....!!
just put someone on the forgiveness shelf, and don't beat them over the head....
I'm liking that.
I think it can work it a store, and in here....great concept.

mb

for me, Personally I like the verse by St. Paul "in my flesh dwelleth no good thing"

it means my emotional self is NOT connected to my spirit life....my emotions will always choose REACTION borne of my puny pathetic ego..... but my spirit, with God's help, can choose RESPONSE which is actions and thoughts formed with LOVE being the guiding light, not ego, not driven or dictated to by physical or emotional discomfort.

It only takes a moment to ask God's help...but without this help it is virtually impossible to have any self control. Even so called christian's prove that by their shoddy behaviors regularly.

St. James said "the tongue is a little member, but it can light the world on fire"
We can do great harm to others because we are suffering....but suffering is no excuse...
Jesus, when attacked kept Himself as a humble lamb, an offering to God.....forgive others and the stress they cause us instantly....and then they do not become the cause of our own downfall.
I sometimes wanted to yell or be a BEach...but I keep hearing the verse when wanting to go there..."if you do not forgive your brothers/sisters from your hearts, neither will My Father in Heaven forgive you your trespasses."
The times I ignored this wisdom are the times we all paid with great pain for my lack of self control.
Ergo I still have the right to "be offended" or "go off" on someone...but I do so to the detrement of my own soul....I will reap bitterness and unforgiveness if I persist in it.
God is nobody's fool....He does not suggest we forgive, He commands it. In withholding our forgiveness we seal our own doom for we remove ourselves from the available grace...
if we do this enough our conscious will begin to justify all the sins, and our conciouses will become seared because we have refused God's grace and wisdom.

another way to help deal with all this is my" five minute rule"....it works for attitude and physical difficulty both. I have this permaently bent spinal cord...from an auto accident.
Sometimes this kink feels like a knife in the back...but I've discovered that the body makes its own painkillers. If I wait 5 minutes before taking a pain pill...9 times out of 10 the body will make it's own medicine and the pain will be gone. I spare myself an addictive harmful med which can effect our very spirits.
Similarly, if I wait 5 minutes before saying anything when I'm feeling angry or hurt...and just pray for the family member or person who brought the offense....I find this gives me time to distinguish between what is born of my flesh (ego) and what is borne of my spirit (God's love).
In that context I can control most of my outbursts and tendencies to give knee jerk reactions.
However, I will say this disease really separates the mice from the men, and the swans from the nagpies, spiritually speaking.
You can usually spot the difference pretty readily when folks spend more time defending themselves than looking at themselves....
It takes humility to do the latter.  Hope to see you on the winning side of this equation.

hope that helps.

mb
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Avatar_f_tn
"maybe that same theology should be applied in cyberspace as well.....!!
just put someone on the forgiveness shelf, and don't beat them over the head....
I'm liking that.
I think it can work it a store, and in here....great concept."

You're exactly right MB.  Can't impose our viewspoints and expect they will be well received by everyone.  It is those that bend down with forgivness that stand the tallest among all.
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow, assault and unlawful confinement - that sounds serious.  I hope everyone is ok.

The treatment drugs are harsh and some people have serious psychiatric side effects.  You should seek help for this.  

Best of luck.  Get a good lawyer.

jd
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288609_tn?1240100356
I am so glad this forum is here. I feel like it is base and without it I would commit myself.
I just yelled at my husband for not helping with the kids because I thought I had to sign up one kid for swim team right after picking the other one up gymnastics. Well swim team sign up is next week of course this is spring break! I was so afraid of missing the sign ups I went a week early while grousing at my kids. I am having a hard time keeping up with the  family schedules and just what day it is. I was in tears Friday & Sat. Sunday I had a great Easter and now I am a raving lunatic again. I feel like Dr. Jeckyland Mr Hyde totally Bi Polar. I am so embarrassed. I went out to lunch with my friends on Friday and could barely hold a conversation. I only have one more week on TX I surely hope this gets better. My poor family.

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233616_tn?1312790796
wow I see from your other post you are bipolar.

that makes it doubly hard to treat...the reason is..your brain already has the exact imbalance that this chemo creates...so you get a double whammy.

If they are letting you stay on tx after what happened I'm surprised...
you may need to regroup...get the bipolar under better control first, then resume tx..

or if you continue to treat, at least find forums and places to vent.
suicidal ideation is common on tx...and can become intense....the idea all brought on by the brains very raw very ill state...not that the physical body symptoms aren't bad...but when one is on the verge or in years all day...something has really gone awry.

You need to make sure you have enough cholesterol to protect your brain....sometimes due to thyroid disease or liver disease, people don't have enough and this is bad for the brain and choleserol protects brain chemicals such as serotonin.

You can feel free to PM...private message...me anytime you are feeling blue or in need of encouragement or just an ear to listen.

mb
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179856_tn?1333550962
These problems are well outside of what any of us in here have experienced and you need to be discussing them with a trained psychologist and having your meds alterered at once.  There is a reason that they don't usually let anyone with pre-existing mental issues attempt treatment and it would seem that you are one of that population.

You need help immediately, this form of rage is NOT normal and NOT what any of us have gone through so please - speak to someone immediately!!!!!
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717272_tn?1277594380
Sorry you got out of control but it's very easy to do on interferon. I'm also really sorry that no one told you to be watching for it and do something before it got out of control.  Side effects are listed as "homicidal tendencies" and "suicidal tendencies" and literature says that 1/3 get those sides but most doctors say that it's much, much higher.

I think that if you have a depressive nature, that will be your side effect, and rage if not.  I experienced the rage.  Terrible hurtful words just fell out of my brain and onto my tongue.  I went on antidepressant to control it.  Had to go through 5 before I found one I could take (that was awful but paid off in the end).  I only need a half dose of lexipro (5 mg) to tone it down.  Has absolutely no other effect on me but damping down the irrational anger.  I really wanted to keep my job and my husband.  Don't be afraid to try the antidepressants.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thanks so much, all this is very helpful. A couple of things I should clear up. First I am no longer on the treatment, haven't been for nearly two months, most of that time I have either been in the hospital or hiding at home.Second, the "unlawful confinement" charge was when I was in the hospital, a result of following a nurse into what I thought was the medications room and demanding she give me enough pills to kill myself, I had scissors.By the way I am normally smarter than this--please!!!!!!!
Like I said this is the worst kind of nightmare but I am a fighter and will continue to be, I have a lawyer and existing DR's who have known me for years and never seen me like that, so I am hoping all will come out in court, I have no intention of not taking responsibility for my actions but I won't throw myself under the bus either. I think it's only right that all the facts are made known here, both for me and others.
Thanks again everyone for sharing with me, that is the best medicine II have had lately!
Best of the best from
CDCANADA
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Avatar_m_tn
Hopefully your legal team will be able to bring in enough expert medical testimony to convince the authorities that your actions were not only drug induced but that there may have been a lapse of judgment/supervision by your original medical team if you were either not screened or monitored thoroughly enough for treatment.

While not trying to compare cases, I do remember yelling and screaming in the hall of my doctor's office demanding to see the doctor immediately when they sent in the Nurse Practitioner instead as my appointment had specifically been with the doctor and I had been waiting for close to 2 hours. Luckily, they didn't call the police but the doctor instead and I got seen. This is also not me, these are some very powerful drugs.

-- Jim
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Avatar_m_tn
If what you say is true I think, at the least, diminished capacity would be a strong defense. Assuming the facts are as you describe I'm surprised that charges were even brought against you.
Good luck,
Mike
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Avatar_f_tn
There is a psychiatrist in Toronto who specializes in the psychological impacts of Hepatitis C treatment drugs and they psychotherapy of illness.  Your legal team may want to talk to him. He may be able to speak to what these drugs are capable of doing. I'll pm you his contact information, I would prefer not to post it here.

Trish
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149675_tn?1257636570
I can relate to Jim, as early in my treatment I totally flipped out on a Philadelphia cop who had screamed at me and told me I had to move my car while I was sitting in traffic waiting to park at the U Penn hospital (where  get my Hep C treatment). I went into an F Bomb laced tirade  and had he not chosen to ignore me instead of engaging me, there is no doubt I would have fought him, I was that enraged. That would not have ended well (for me). I still to this day can not believe I did it or that he did not arrest me. I totally snapped. That is also the day they began me on AD's and Xanax. I should point out I am a passive person by nature.

I had another incident where a very large fellow (NFL lineman size) was speeding through a  parking garage and I did the same thing. Again I hoping he would stop because I wanted to fight him.

Like Jim said I am not trying to compare stories but the interferon can lead to serious rage and aggression issues for some. This is why it carries warnings about that. I hope it all works out for you.
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Avatar_f_tn
i can relate . my room mate of 6 yrs moved out. claim i was to verbally abusive. i was like you. not a mean bone in me. its the riba. all the things she said i done or said, i couldnt beleive. i beleive her. this tx is something else. i am glad i am by myself now.
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