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FRIDAY FUNNIES FILE
NEWSFLASH
several women have appeared at hospital wards across the country suffering from a bad case of hairballs the odd thing was the fact the hairballs contained no grey hairs doctors refused to comment Showboat reports flying hair pieces that act like kites and of weird self portraits fire dept still looking for cindees arsonist soulangel to audition for josephine the plumber police in canada confiscated an illegal supply of beaver pelts apparently being used to line bras badger fur and trinkets now avaiable on Ebay authorities baffled from central states several severe cases of badger breathe have been reported new gravity test for sagging breasts developed by Indy we also have rats in showers birds in driers and ring reports removeable in public hair pieces chevy is taking appointments for thong etiquette another new indiana venture the entrepuer spirit is working overtime feel free to add additional stories. thats all folks Daryl
several women have appeared at hospital wards across the country suffering from a bad case of hairballs the odd thing was the fact the hairballs contained no grey hairs doctors refused to comment Showboat reports flying hair pieces that act like kites and of weird self portraits fire dept still looking for cindees arsonist soulangel to audition for josephine the plumber police in canada confiscated an illegal supply of beaver pelts apparently being used to line bras badger fur and trinkets now avaiable on Ebay authorities baffled from central states several severe cases of badger breathe have been reported new gravity test for sagging breasts developed by Indy we also have rats in showers birds in driers and ring reports removeable in public hair pieces chevy is taking appointments for thong etiquette another new indiana venture the entrepuer spirit is working overtime feel free to add additional stories. thats all folks Daryl
My Mother went to the doctor the onther day...after getting her diagnoises, she said, "I want another opinion." The doctor turned to her and said "you're ugly too"!!!!!! LOL You guys are crazyyyyyyy and you've all put a smile on my face. I much needed one I must say! I joke the "funnies". Let's keep it up! Indy, BTW I was speaking of the jokes!!!!!! LOL I love ya all so much! Cindee
Great posts all of you. How about that Judge with a "Penis Pump" under his robes during a murder trial? I know I'm more normal than that guy!!!
Steve
Steve
Thanks for the chuckles this a.m., I will carry that lightness with me throughout the day. You guys are the best! GL to everyone with their shots this weekend. Couch
I was doing research this week and found a very interesting British study....http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3805117.stm
It states that you can determins longevity based on the length of a womans legs! Oh I can see all the women pulling out the rulers now....hahahahaha But you need to know how to measure and convert the measurements to inches.
To that end, I now have started my NEW business.......
Indys Jiffy Lube and Longevity Center!
I will have the official Grand Opening on Monday. I plan on working VERY closely with my partner over at "Chevy enterprises" this weekend to perfect the system.
So....call Today @ 1-888-Ohh Indy to schedule your appointment.
In a related study.....It was reported that Lesbians were also at greater risk of heart disease and will die sooner than hetero women....http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3100702.stm
Sooooo.....If you're a lesbian with short legs, you may as well just make out your will right now cuz you don't have a prayer.
It states that you can determins longevity based on the length of a womans legs! Oh I can see all the women pulling out the rulers now....hahahahaha But you need to know how to measure and convert the measurements to inches.
To that end, I now have started my NEW business.......
Indys Jiffy Lube and Longevity Center!
I will have the official Grand Opening on Monday. I plan on working VERY closely with my partner over at "Chevy enterprises" this weekend to perfect the system.
So....call Today @ 1-888-Ohh Indy to schedule your appointment.
In a related study.....It was reported that Lesbians were also at greater risk of heart disease and will die sooner than hetero women....http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3100702.stm
Sooooo.....If you're a lesbian with short legs, you may as well just make out your will right now cuz you don't have a prayer.
I just heard on a police scanner that the vice squad is on it's way over... Run for it!*!
Greg and I went on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.
My husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. I like to read. One morning Greg returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, I decide to take the boat out. I motor out a short distance, anchor, and continue to read my book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside me and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," I reply, (thinking "isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs me.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says I.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the rught equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
My husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. I like to read. One morning Greg returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, I decide to take the boat out. I motor out a short distance, anchor, and continue to read my book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside me and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," I reply, (thinking "isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs me.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says I.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the rught equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
Indiana: I am sending the IRS over, you forgot to claim the badger as a dependent and to disclose ALL the NEW businesses you are both involved with.
More Goodies:
What is a Yankie?
the same as a quickie but a guy can do it alone.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
well hung
Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
for traction in the mud.
Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
because most men are stupid but few are blind.
How do you get a sweet little 80 yr old lady to say the F word?
get another sweet little 80 yr old to yell BINGO!
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
no one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
More Goodies:
What is a Yankie?
the same as a quickie but a guy can do it alone.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
well hung
Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
for traction in the mud.
Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
because most men are stupid but few are blind.
How do you get a sweet little 80 yr old lady to say the F word?
get another sweet little 80 yr old to yell BINGO!
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
no one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
Sorry to break this to you but some years ago i started up KEYRING BEAVER BABES. Pocket sized lesbians at buy 1 get 1 free deals. And i'm afraid your right the shelf life is short . I went bust and the long legged versions have refused all contact buisiness......or otherwise.
Sam
Sam
Hahahahaha
After talking to my "contact" over at Chevy Enterprises, it was pointed out to me that the outlook for the lesbians in that study is not so bleak. There IS a "cure" for it......MEN !! So, if you just ask for the "Managers Special" we will be happy to test you for that condition too! I am happy to announce that we can also provide the Cure! And we can take care of it all on the Lube Rack! Hows THAT for service? You will leave well lubed and armed with the knowledge that you know where you stand with longevity.
We also have another "Rack" where we can stretch those short legs and so help many achieve a Longer life. Egads.....I hope Michael Jackson doesn't hear about this!
We do need to be able to see the hip bones and the ankles so dress appropriately please.
We are affiliated with a good local doc. He just spoke to me today. He told me about his latest patient..................
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
The 80 year old said, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his umbrella and went, 'Bang, bang.' and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver.
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
After talking to my "contact" over at Chevy Enterprises, it was pointed out to me that the outlook for the lesbians in that study is not so bleak. There IS a "cure" for it......MEN !! So, if you just ask for the "Managers Special" we will be happy to test you for that condition too! I am happy to announce that we can also provide the Cure! And we can take care of it all on the Lube Rack! Hows THAT for service? You will leave well lubed and armed with the knowledge that you know where you stand with longevity.
We also have another "Rack" where we can stretch those short legs and so help many achieve a Longer life. Egads.....I hope Michael Jackson doesn't hear about this!
We do need to be able to see the hip bones and the ankles so dress appropriately please.
We are affiliated with a good local doc. He just spoke to me today. He told me about his latest patient..................
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
The 80 year old said, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his umbrella and went, 'Bang, bang.' and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver.
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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