SUNDAY FUNNIES

[can-do-man]

Lets see if we can get some smiles a going here today.

[kiltedguy]

The kilt wearing Scotsman was walking home from the tavern. On the walk home he was over taken by the brew he had consumed and felt the need to lie down and take a nap by the side of the road, under a tree. As he was laying passed out sound a sleep three young maiden happened upon him. They eye the scotsman sleeping under the tree who's kilt had blow up, exposing the scotsman. As a joke and to let the scotsman know someone had been there, one of the young lasses takes her blue ribbon out of her hair. She proceeds to tie the ribbon around the Scotsman "willie", their deed done the lasses departed.

Upon awaking the scotsman felt the need to relieve himself of some of the brew he had earlier consumed. Stepping behind the tree he proceeded to lift his kilt to pee. Looking down he is puzzled to see the ribbon around his "willie". Seeing this he says, "I don't know where you've been but I'm glad to see you came in first place!"    :)

Spring is almost here and it will be time to start wearing my Utilikilts.  :)  :)

Everyone have a happy "St Paddy's day" Friday.

Jerry

[dyce]

can, fork in the neck, doesn't this remind us of something?

Dyce

[Fisheress]

WHO ME?  embarrassED????  Don't think so!  Would take a whole lot more than that!  Maybe dropping a fishing rod overboard or something like that, but NEVER favors!  LOL!

[can-do-man]

Im just glad you wasn't to embarrass or anything to come back here.

[Fisheress]

YES!  I did watch it and I could not beleive that was on there!  OMG!  Weird! I had got that e-mail along with other ER stories about a month ago and Yadda, there it was on Grey's Anatomy! DO, DO, DO! We were watching it and I told Rog I bet she was under the table at a restaurant doing a "favor" and he stabbed her w/ the fork to get her to stop because she was having a seizure.  He asked if it was a rerun, I said no, I just figured it out!  LOL!

Oh and can-do (you made a joke! You rascal!).........yes, I am Fisherless here this year, no offshore trips for me.  Maybe next summer.  Want to go to either Guatemala and catch some Pacific sailfish or down to Coasta after tx for a fishing celebration.  I'll be lucky to stand on the bank on the bay down the street right now and wet a line!

Tight lines to those who are fishing!

Fisherless...............WHAAAAAAAA!  :{

[friole]

did you watch Gray's Anatomy last night?  Couple come into the ER and she has a fork in her neck..  Now I missed the first few minutes so never heard how it got there.  hehehehehehe -- now I know.

[friole]

ha ha ah ah ha ha ha ha

Thanks for the Monday morning laughs - didn't even get on yesterday.  Did I miss much?

[can-do-man]

Hi gal, Hope your sx's are few.

[Fisheress]

Looks as if the blonde jokes are the pick!

Q: What do you call a blonde in a Cadillac?

A: An AIRBAG!

Not a blonde joke....

Q: What do Smurfs do before Smucking?

A: SMOREPLAY!

[wMich]

Q: What do you call 12 blondes standing in a circle, holding hands?
A: A dope ring!

Q: What do you call 12 blondes standing side by side in a straight line?
A: A wind tunnel!

[strator]

A trooper is sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders. He sees a car puttering along at 22 miles an hour. He figures this could be just as dangerous as a speeder.
He throws on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car he notices there are 5 blondes in the car, 2 in the front, 3 in the back, all wide eyed and white as a ghost.
The driver is obviously confused and  says.

[dyce]

Guy goes to his pcp to get a physical. Well bein he is over 40 years old it was time for his 1st prostrate exam. The doc told him lean over the table there I we'll get started, guy thinks ,this isn't to bad, to his dismay when he glances back the doc says ,see how easy it is , no hands.

Dyce

[can-do-man]

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

[harty29]

WIFE:
"What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND:
"Definitely not!"

WIFE:
"Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND:
"Of course I do."

WIFE:
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND:
"Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE:
"You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:
(Makes audible groan).

WIFE:
"Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND:
"Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE:
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND:
"Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE:
"Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND:
"Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE:
"Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND:
"That would seem like the proper thing to do"

WIFE:
"Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND:
"No, she's left-handed."

WIFE:
- - Silence - -

HUSBAND:
"****."

[strator]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York city and asks for the loan officer.  She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.  What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?"

[harty29]

True, strator.  Very true.

[can-do-man]

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up
her skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a *****!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

[Moniker]

Two men lost their long-time drinking buddy to alcoholism. At the funeral, as they passed by the open casket, one remarked to the other, "Gee, Sam sure looks good, doesn't he?" The other replied, "Well, he ought to; he hasn't had a drink in 3 days."

[can-do-man]

lol, Hmmmmmmm. Stiff neck you say? Hope my wife don't read that one or she will want me to dissolve one on my tounge.

[honey11]

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them. "NO WAY," she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

[can-do-man]

LOL, them were both good one's. Gotta remember those.

[Fisheress]

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!--!

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to  administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in  the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's private part and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

And you  thought  YOU were having a bad day!

[can-do-man]

1 hour till shootem up time for me. My goodness girl i sure hope you both are ok. No need to be embarrass or anything. I mean sometimes our lush over comes our sense's. Whether it was classy or not doesn't matter. What does is your both ok. Not trying to preach to ya or nuttin like that but next time try to wait till you get to your car. After what you been through im not even gonna pick on you tonight. You been though enough. Good luck to you. And please don't let that stop you from coming back here. We still love ya

[honey11]

LOLOLOL Cando!  Fish,,,ewwwww that sounds so painful! What started out to be fun and daring turned into a nightmare!