My first depression

[Virusbuster]

I'm in my fourth week, and it seems all of the well known side effects of the treatment are parading along one  after another. First it was feeling flu-ish. Then lack of appetite. Nausea. All seasoned with fatigue. But also hyperactive on the good days. It all constitutes a rollercoaster, but only one thing was missing up to this weekend. Depression. The rollercoaster is complete now. Sure, there is room for more, My outlook is a treatement of 72 weeks, since I started with a viral load of almost 14 million copies per mm3. I'm not counting on becoming undetectable in the 12th week. But am I going to put up with this another 68 weeks? Not to mention the withdrawl effects that may occor after that period? Does this justify the less than 50% chance of success? It it really worthwhile to virtually not have a life? I can't plan a thing, I don't have a clue  how I will feel the next day.

Don't get me wrong. I count my blessings. I live a good life in a wealthy country with good health care. I don't have to worry about paying for my treatemet, being fired, or being cut on my salary if I can't work enough. I have friends who care about me. But when I feel depressed as I do now, it all seems so utterly meaningless. Yesterday and today I cried several times, out of desperation. I simply want to get out of this rollercoaster. Tonight, while I forced myself to get out and buy some food at supermarket, I wondered how it would be to jump into the river and let myself float calmly  in the cold water towards the sea. Not that I actually considered doing so. Just the idea felt oddly peaceful to me. It should have scared me, but it didn't. I can't trust my feelings anymore...

[jdwithhcv]

I had 1a.  Best of luck on that pcr.  I'll be watching for the result.

jd

[Bill1954]

Hello, Buster;

Sorry to hear about the depression you’re experiencing. Please consider antidepressants as others advise; they can make a big difference in your treatment success. Welcome to the forum—

Bill

[Virusbuster]

Thanks for sharing, jd. I'll post the result as soon as I get it.

[FlGuy]

It's good that you have such a schedule. And although I'm a proponent of aggressive treatment once the comittment is made, I'm curious about the 'if not zero by week 4 do 72'.  I could more easily understand at week 8 and very much so at week 12.  Good luck.

[Virusbuster]

I will definately discuss it with my doc. And yes, I feel very welcome. Thank you guys, it does make a difference.

[Virusbuster]

Do note, I'm also have HIV, and the protocol is taylored to HIV and HCV co-infection. Oh, did I mention earlier that my chance of success was 50%?  My memory is playing tricks, for genotype 1 HCV/HIV co-infected people it's a lousy 30% successrate.