Aa
family issues
WHEN FAMILY MEMBERS JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND
There are probably few things in life that are more hurtful
than being rejected by family members when we need them most.
Unfortunately, many patients find that a diagnosis of hepatitis C
not only causes friends to scatter, but also contributes to some
families literally splitting apart. Hep C is a disease that no one
truly understands, nor do we have much control over what it does to
us. Sure, we can learn to live with it and alleviate some of its
symptoms, but we still have no control over how others see us or how
they'll act towards us. Hepatitis C is a disease with so much
misleading information that it leaves us wide open to criticism from
family members who either can't or won't try to understand. Because
we "don't look sick" it's easy for them to forget that we are. Pain
and discomfort aren't always obvious on the surface, but this sure
doesn't mean that they aren't real.
Progressed hepatitis C causes changes in temperament and
studies have shown that it does have a negative effect on thought
processes and behavior. It's not unusual to be a bit anti-social
when a person isn't feeling well, but with healthy folks, it's
usually temporary and most people are understanding With those of
us who have hepatitis C and are symptomatic though, it's an ongoing
struggle, and one that can easily mimic just about every negative
personality trait that a person could ever have. Since the liver
plays such an important role in energy production, it can make a
person appear lazy since we tire easily and often require breaks to
rest. This fatigue can then contribute to irritability and short-
temperedness which doesn't exactly endear us to family members or
anyone else. These negative traits are often blown out of proportion
in the minds of loved ones and it's not uncommon for them to think
we're making excuses for our behavior because we don't appear sick
outwardly. Many of us find ourselves written off by our families
as "being hard to get along with" or "difficult" regardless of how
hard we may try to show them otherwise. Don't be surprised if you
find yourself excluded from family activities either. It's
unfortunate, but it happens all the time and families can find ways
to justify this sort of thing by blaming it on those of us who are
sick.
It's no secret that hep C definitely contributes to this
sort of problem in many infected individuals, and most of us are
very aware that we're not always the easiest folks to get along with
when we're feeling poorly. It all boils down to lack of knowledge
about the disease, but we can't make others learn about something
that they don't want to, so we have to try to find other ways to
either co-exist or separate ourselves from it all. Health is far too
important to allow family problems to destroy and toxic people are
detrimental to those who are sick. Outward appearances often belie
what's truly going on inside of us and no one can know how we feel
just by looking at us. Only another patient or their caretaker can
know how much most of us struggle every day of our lives to be
likeable, amicable, and as normal as this dreadful disease will
allow us to be. We need the love of our families more than almost
anything else in this world, but most of them never realize how
tempting it is to want to give up the fight for life and let nature
just take it's course when we realize that we don't have their
support.
Some family members harbor resentment towards those of us
with hepatitis C because they feel that somehow we did something to
deserve it. Of course this is absurd because there is no test
available to determine the source of a person's infection, and it's
wrong to hold such a grudge anyway. Irregardless, it's terribly
hurtful to know that those who are "supposed" to love us would hold
these kinds of feelings towards their own flesh and blood.
Nevertheless, some will accuse us of using our illness to garner
sympathy or to excuse our shortcomings and it's something we have to
get used to.
Many patients we speak to express the fact that they've come
to dread holidays because of knowing that somehow, some way, their
illness will affect what should be a happy and joyous time. It's not
unusual for patients to want to isolate themselves from loved ones
because they feel like "lepers" because of their illness. A display
of unconditional love from family members could go a long way in
alleviating these feelings, but, our loved ones are human too and we
can't expect them to see things quite like we do. After all, if you
never suffered with a potentially fatal disease, how could you know
how it feels?
In spite of how things might appear, we're not making
excuses here folks. These things are very real, and we're not making
anything up just to convince our families or anyone else that we're
worthy of their love. Being resented is a very difficult sentiment
to swallow though, and especially when it comes from our families.
None of us asked to be infected with hepatitis C, and I know
of no one who has the disease who hasn't felt at one time or another
that they've let their families down by getting sick. However this
doesn't give anyone license to belittle us or make us feel inferior
because of it. We know when we're feeling less than sociable and we
need desperately for our loved ones to understand and not make more
of an issue out of it than it already is. No one really enjoys being
around people who are feeling poorly and we're well aware of this
too. What we don't need though, is to be constantly reminded that
our disease sometimes causes us to be less than cordial, because
it's something we struggle with constantly.
There are many stages of this disease and degrees of
severity, so just because one person with hep C may not have
symptoms doesn't mean that another patient doesn't. Hepatitis C is a
very complex disease with many different strains, and no two people
experience exactly the same thing. We need our families to know that
we hate this disease and what it does to us more than anyone else
ever could. We're also very cognizant of the fact that it affects
not only us, but everyone around us. For this we can only apologize
and try our best to be as pleasant as possible when we're around.
I sincerely hope that those reading this who are healthy
will forgive us when we're "less than" we'd like to be. We're aware,
we're fighting for our lives, and we're doing the very best that we
can. Now if we could only make our loved ones understand. . . .
There are probably few things in life that are more hurtful
than being rejected by family members when we need them most.
Unfortunately, many patients find that a diagnosis of hepatitis C
not only causes friends to scatter, but also contributes to some
families literally splitting apart. Hep C is a disease that no one
truly understands, nor do we have much control over what it does to
us. Sure, we can learn to live with it and alleviate some of its
symptoms, but we still have no control over how others see us or how
they'll act towards us. Hepatitis C is a disease with so much
misleading information that it leaves us wide open to criticism from
family members who either can't or won't try to understand. Because
we "don't look sick" it's easy for them to forget that we are. Pain
and discomfort aren't always obvious on the surface, but this sure
doesn't mean that they aren't real.
Progressed hepatitis C causes changes in temperament and
studies have shown that it does have a negative effect on thought
processes and behavior. It's not unusual to be a bit anti-social
when a person isn't feeling well, but with healthy folks, it's
usually temporary and most people are understanding With those of
us who have hepatitis C and are symptomatic though, it's an ongoing
struggle, and one that can easily mimic just about every negative
personality trait that a person could ever have. Since the liver
plays such an important role in energy production, it can make a
person appear lazy since we tire easily and often require breaks to
rest. This fatigue can then contribute to irritability and short-
temperedness which doesn't exactly endear us to family members or
anyone else. These negative traits are often blown out of proportion
in the minds of loved ones and it's not uncommon for them to think
we're making excuses for our behavior because we don't appear sick
outwardly. Many of us find ourselves written off by our families
as "being hard to get along with" or "difficult" regardless of how
hard we may try to show them otherwise. Don't be surprised if you
find yourself excluded from family activities either. It's
unfortunate, but it happens all the time and families can find ways
to justify this sort of thing by blaming it on those of us who are
sick.
It's no secret that hep C definitely contributes to this
sort of problem in many infected individuals, and most of us are
very aware that we're not always the easiest folks to get along with
when we're feeling poorly. It all boils down to lack of knowledge
about the disease, but we can't make others learn about something
that they don't want to, so we have to try to find other ways to
either co-exist or separate ourselves from it all. Health is far too
important to allow family problems to destroy and toxic people are
detrimental to those who are sick. Outward appearances often belie
what's truly going on inside of us and no one can know how we feel
just by looking at us. Only another patient or their caretaker can
know how much most of us struggle every day of our lives to be
likeable, amicable, and as normal as this dreadful disease will
allow us to be. We need the love of our families more than almost
anything else in this world, but most of them never realize how
tempting it is to want to give up the fight for life and let nature
just take it's course when we realize that we don't have their
support.
Some family members harbor resentment towards those of us
with hepatitis C because they feel that somehow we did something to
deserve it. Of course this is absurd because there is no test
available to determine the source of a person's infection, and it's
wrong to hold such a grudge anyway. Irregardless, it's terribly
hurtful to know that those who are "supposed" to love us would hold
these kinds of feelings towards their own flesh and blood.
Nevertheless, some will accuse us of using our illness to garner
sympathy or to excuse our shortcomings and it's something we have to
get used to.
Many patients we speak to express the fact that they've come
to dread holidays because of knowing that somehow, some way, their
illness will affect what should be a happy and joyous time. It's not
unusual for patients to want to isolate themselves from loved ones
because they feel like "lepers" because of their illness. A display
of unconditional love from family members could go a long way in
alleviating these feelings, but, our loved ones are human too and we
can't expect them to see things quite like we do. After all, if you
never suffered with a potentially fatal disease, how could you know
how it feels?
In spite of how things might appear, we're not making
excuses here folks. These things are very real, and we're not making
anything up just to convince our families or anyone else that we're
worthy of their love. Being resented is a very difficult sentiment
to swallow though, and especially when it comes from our families.
None of us asked to be infected with hepatitis C, and I know
of no one who has the disease who hasn't felt at one time or another
that they've let their families down by getting sick. However this
doesn't give anyone license to belittle us or make us feel inferior
because of it. We know when we're feeling less than sociable and we
need desperately for our loved ones to understand and not make more
of an issue out of it than it already is. No one really enjoys being
around people who are feeling poorly and we're well aware of this
too. What we don't need though, is to be constantly reminded that
our disease sometimes causes us to be less than cordial, because
it's something we struggle with constantly.
There are many stages of this disease and degrees of
severity, so just because one person with hep C may not have
symptoms doesn't mean that another patient doesn't. Hepatitis C is a
very complex disease with many different strains, and no two people
experience exactly the same thing. We need our families to know that
we hate this disease and what it does to us more than anyone else
ever could. We're also very cognizant of the fact that it affects
not only us, but everyone around us. For this we can only apologize
and try our best to be as pleasant as possible when we're around.
I sincerely hope that those reading this who are healthy
will forgive us when we're "less than" we'd like to be. We're aware,
we're fighting for our lives, and we're doing the very best that we
can. Now if we could only make our loved ones understand. . . .
I understand quite a lot u are going thru. The fact that none of your partners became infected does give me hope, but even at a 1% chance, I couldn't ask my partner to take a chance. So I accept the use of condoms even though I despise them.
I hope you do better in a new relationship, we do seem to attach ourselves to the same type over and over. You were fortunate his behavior didn't prompt you to try and feel what he did with drugs. I gave in to the tempt. He chose to continue with drugs, he liked the feeling. I have my doubts about calling addiction a disease. We have more choices than with diabetes or cancer. You can choose not to take them and go for tx and continue with support groups. He liked the high, did not want to give up looking at life through that glass. My opinion, guys.
Is your daughter ok? I had my last daughter 14 yrs ago, and was terrified of having infected her. She is negative, and I also breastfed 4 1/2yrs(have the twin saggy bags to prove it too). You can email me at ***@**** if you want to talk.
From that last pregnancy I developed joint pains that were finally dx related to hcv this year by the rheumatologist.
Go to go to lunch, now. Later. TY all
I hope you do better in a new relationship, we do seem to attach ourselves to the same type over and over. You were fortunate his behavior didn't prompt you to try and feel what he did with drugs. I gave in to the tempt. He chose to continue with drugs, he liked the feeling. I have my doubts about calling addiction a disease. We have more choices than with diabetes or cancer. You can choose not to take them and go for tx and continue with support groups. He liked the high, did not want to give up looking at life through that glass. My opinion, guys.
Is your daughter ok? I had my last daughter 14 yrs ago, and was terrified of having infected her. She is negative, and I also breastfed 4 1/2yrs(have the twin saggy bags to prove it too). You can email me at ***@**** if you want to talk.
From that last pregnancy I developed joint pains that were finally dx related to hcv this year by the rheumatologist.
Go to go to lunch, now. Later. TY all
Well, I've been w/an chronic cheater and an addict. Personally, once an addict kicks his addiction, he's a damn good person. B/a cheater always has a moral stain. So, there are worse things than addiction-drugs or alcohol.
Well, neighbor. I'm from Hungary, but I live in the US.
You've come a long way; one more week and it's the finish line for you! Whatever worked for the last month will work for this last week of tx. OK?
Enjoy the spring... plant something pretty for us, who are shivering in the snow and wind... and have weeks to go yet.
Maj Neni
You've come a long way; one more week and it's the finish line for you! Whatever worked for the last month will work for this last week of tx. OK?
Enjoy the spring... plant something pretty for us, who are shivering in the snow and wind... and have weeks to go yet.
Maj Neni
oh honey hang in there....i KNOW it sucks to be shunned and made to feel less than, and mis-understood espeacially when we need family the most honey....and i CAN RELATE...that is why i've choosen a new family through this experience, and it happens to be right here for me.....your peice was very informative and moving...ever think about printing it out and sending it to all those family and friends you think could benifit from reading it...even if you wanted to leave it un-signed, you could let them know that it is important that they read and try to be compassionate....i don't know just a thought...i just feel for you...and sometimes i wish i could smack some people upside the head for thier intolerance of illness'.....sending you hugs....kimmy
I understand your frustration and I also know that we do this tx to become healthy.
I don't know if you've finished tx or cleared the virus, but I think that if the tx is succesful there are no reasons to suffer anymore the symptoms of hep C. I haven't had any symptoms before tx, I was happy and not feeling tired. It is true that the tx has changed my behaviour and my moods and the judgement, but I really hope that in a few month after finishing tx to be me again.My family has been very supportive but they are hopping that I will become their mum and wife.
I'm week 47 now and at the end of patience physically and mentally.
I was so scarred of your post that I'm shaking now from my whole body. Will my life from now be a heal for my family and me? Hard question with no answer?
Good luck to everybody and keep a positive attitude.
Galen-please don't judge me for my spelling or gramar, English is my second language...
I don't know if you've finished tx or cleared the virus, but I think that if the tx is succesful there are no reasons to suffer anymore the symptoms of hep C. I haven't had any symptoms before tx, I was happy and not feeling tired. It is true that the tx has changed my behaviour and my moods and the judgement, but I really hope that in a few month after finishing tx to be me again.My family has been very supportive but they are hopping that I will become their mum and wife.
I'm week 47 now and at the end of patience physically and mentally.
I was so scarred of your post that I'm shaking now from my whole body. Will my life from now be a heal for my family and me? Hard question with no answer?
Good luck to everybody and keep a positive attitude.
Galen-please don't judge me for my spelling or gramar, English is my second language...
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