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help coping with loved one dying
my boyfriend has end stage liver disease and has decided to continue heavy drug and alcohol use and no treatment. Dr says he is dying. I see symptoms and he is changing into a different person thatI love but am scared of. Why cant he see and how do i deal with watching him die? I try to leave but cant i feel i may be able to save him. Im so scared. Help
Horrible situation. It will stay that way the longer you remain with him. Your choice. Yes, you do have a choice.
as we say in the program you can carry the message but you cant carry the person, u need to find a good support group, or alanon, because if you dont take of yourself you cant be their for him. And if he continues to drink and use drugs it will only make it worse.
GG How horrible for you, all you can do is love him, and feel the compassion that all beings are suffering. This is just alot closer to home and such a waste of human life. I do understand how people can make that choice though. I too will include him in my practice of praying for all sentient beings. My hope is that through those prayers we can be the cause of some benefit in the next life. I do believe it all continues, this go round is important, he met you that is important you can help him by praying any way you do for his benefit. He is lucky to have you, if only we all thought of taking care of each other the best way we can this would be a better world. M4now
If it were me, I would tell him how you feel. I would ask him that if he didn't care about himself, could he at least care enough because you care, and could he do what they want him to do? Obviously you care about him more than he does himself. Like the others said, you can't do it for him. All you can do is be there for him.
Dear GGjuju I think meki is right its all about guilt.
But how to do, not to feel guilty!
All children think good of adult people so if a parent for instance show that they dont want to be with them. They dont understand that this person have problems with him, her self.
They probably think he she is an adult they know so much more compared to me, it must be me that is to blame. So you start changing trying to make that person to like you, when you have tryed that long enough and nothing happens more then get worse .
Then you probably have developed a guilt pattern that will follow you fore the rest of your live.
What is worse is, if this parent(s) sometimes have their good moments.and they usually have.
And in those moments have been treating you like they really appreciated you.
You start to hope maybe I´m not totaly hopeles.
But you will be let down over and over again and you always end up with the blame and guilt.
The result of this is you dont dare to chose a relative healthy partner, or trust them if you do because you know you gonna be let down anyway in the end.
And the terrible ball of gouilt and disappointment witch gonna end up in your knee (as always)will only be bigger you more you have trusted this person so subconsciously you be more likely to choose unreliable partners.
The only one to blame if there is anybody isnt you and the guilt isn´t yours it wasn`t you you who invaded this persons mind and will and forced him to let you down.The responsibility is entirely laying with the person who decided to leave you, die away from you, hate you, abuse you what ever he, she has done.
If this is what scaring you getting totally disappointed (as if you hadn´t had enough of that already) and getting more guilt then you possibly can bear.
I will pray for you right now that this pattern will stop and you will start to appreciate and take care of you self this maybe wount happen in a moment, but i will pray that doors will be opened and that it it will happen in the best of time (tact) that is for you.
I wish you the very best!
comeagain
ps. If this doesn´t describes your situation at all please don´t get offended.
This is very much my own story so maybe its you that is gonna pray for me instead (hasen´t cleared this my self bye a long shot)
But how to do, not to feel guilty!
All children think good of adult people so if a parent for instance show that they dont want to be with them. They dont understand that this person have problems with him, her self.
They probably think he she is an adult they know so much more compared to me, it must be me that is to blame. So you start changing trying to make that person to like you, when you have tryed that long enough and nothing happens more then get worse .
Then you probably have developed a guilt pattern that will follow you fore the rest of your live.
What is worse is, if this parent(s) sometimes have their good moments.and they usually have.
And in those moments have been treating you like they really appreciated you.
You start to hope maybe I´m not totaly hopeles.
But you will be let down over and over again and you always end up with the blame and guilt.
The result of this is you dont dare to chose a relative healthy partner, or trust them if you do because you know you gonna be let down anyway in the end.
And the terrible ball of gouilt and disappointment witch gonna end up in your knee (as always)will only be bigger you more you have trusted this person so subconsciously you be more likely to choose unreliable partners.
The only one to blame if there is anybody isnt you and the guilt isn´t yours it wasn`t you you who invaded this persons mind and will and forced him to let you down.The responsibility is entirely laying with the person who decided to leave you, die away from you, hate you, abuse you what ever he, she has done.
If this is what scaring you getting totally disappointed (as if you hadn´t had enough of that already) and getting more guilt then you possibly can bear.
I will pray for you right now that this pattern will stop and you will start to appreciate and take care of you self this maybe wount happen in a moment, but i will pray that doors will be opened and that it it will happen in the best of time (tact) that is for you.
I wish you the very best!
comeagain
ps. If this doesn´t describes your situation at all please don´t get offended.
This is very much my own story so maybe its you that is gonna pray for me instead (hasen´t cleared this my self bye a long shot)
meki's right ...take care of yourself...the worse he drinks the more damage to his liver ..brain and the more his personality will change....i see this a lot since i stopped drinking...although i never got to the point that i didn't care at all about myself i do understand addiction to some degree and have seen a lot of folks just give up living...you never know though he might come around...i just wouldn't count on it so don't go down with him......good luck....billy
GGjuju - You can't help those that don't want help.
You must believe in yourself and maintain your life. If your boyfriend cannot choose to live - you cannot give him the will to do so --- and there is NOTHING you can say or do, except stand by his side and hold his hand and tell him you love him...
But what you MUST NOT do - is take on the guilt.
This is his decision, and while you may not agree with it - or understand it - he has taken the path he has chosen.
You must choose for you what you need.
My suggestion for you --- and I don't know how you'll take this --- but it is to love yourself and seek some kind of therapy to help you deal with the guilt that is sure to envelope you.
You can try and help him by showing him facts --- but even then - some folks will never change.
The only thing you can do - is take care of yourself.
So please - take care of yourself...
Meki
You must believe in yourself and maintain your life. If your boyfriend cannot choose to live - you cannot give him the will to do so --- and there is NOTHING you can say or do, except stand by his side and hold his hand and tell him you love him...
But what you MUST NOT do - is take on the guilt.
This is his decision, and while you may not agree with it - or understand it - he has taken the path he has chosen.
You must choose for you what you need.
My suggestion for you --- and I don't know how you'll take this --- but it is to love yourself and seek some kind of therapy to help you deal with the guilt that is sure to envelope you.
You can try and help him by showing him facts --- but even then - some folks will never change.
The only thing you can do - is take care of yourself.
So please - take care of yourself...
Meki
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