week 4 and turning into a monster

[almanu]

hi well shot 4 tomorrow, and to be honest im turning into a monster.im a grumpy old sod at the best of times, just the last maybe 2 weeks ive started to notice how much of an a55 hole im turning into,he slightest thing will send me off on one,i had a shakey start then everything was fine when i started drinking loads of water, then last week i had a panic attack.wtf my mam had them there the most scary thing thats ever happened to me and ive been in war zones lol.ive never experianced anything like it.i tought i was having a heart attack.my doc is extreamly happy with the way my meds a working so at least thats somthing, i just want to know is anybody having trouble this early,i really tought nothing would really happen for a couple of months or so.i really dont want to  go out or nothing ,i missecd mi eldezt suns gealic football training last monday for the first time ever.im finding myself saying sorry to my wife every few hours also.somtimes even when ive not been an a55 hole just in case.to be on the safe side like.ill be really tired at 9pm then go to bed just to lie awake for hours.im really not one to moan or complain i hate all that **** tbh but here and with my doc is the only place i can say how i feel, i guess im trying to be the strong man type of idiot,i guess im not really a good a patiant as i tought i was ,god week 4 and im crying like a biacth.my doctor is suggesting anti depressents and im like dam it took me 18 years to get clean from drugs and now i got to take them to feel normal again ,im like explaining my view on me taking tablets to my doctor and agghhh i dont know anymore im very confused.any advice or help  would be great, does anyone else feel like this after week four, i really feel such a baby i really do

[almanu]

lol i hear you, thats why i put monster in the title, only word that can decribe it,

[Marcia2202]

What a blessing! Kids really are.. Mine came to visit yesterday and are coming today too. They make it all worth while. My hubby is soooo understanding and loving too. And I snapped at him again... He doesn't feel bad for himself, just feels bad for me having to feel like that. But I feel soooo bad. I keep on apologizing. We just don't snap at each other. So why the heck am I snapping at him??? It comes out... and then it's too late to take it back. I don't like that. I snapped at him once yesterday and once today.

[almanu]

oh forgot to tell ya my youngest son is really helping me with loads of extra hugs n luvs, its weird he,s really not a huggy type a kid ,its like he,s knows im feeling sht and is trying to make me better with hugs lol, i was watching football the other night and it went to extra time he didnt leave my lap for 2 hours, he normally can sit still for 2 minutes, the wife was amazed.he,s just 3 ,luv,m to bits,oh sht im crying again lol.

[almanu]

i tooootally here ya sister lol, its the pits it really is, even my local shopkeeper who i use to play football with and go the pub with is getting on my wick lol, he,s a really nice guy its got to be me, it,s nice to be nice, i totaly agree i mean its free and makes us all feel good, its just that i much rather the more expensive option of being a totall a55 hole lol.imgoing to get somthing for the head nextweek for defo, i cant expect people to put up with this, just because im feeling sht dosnt mean i got to make it contagious

[Marcia2202]

I only took shot #2 yesterday, but am soooo starting to understand you. WTF are these meds doing to us???

My emotions have started to get weird and I have been on a total emotional roller coaster for two days now. getting irritated, crying, sobbing as if my heart will actually physically come out of my body ejecting from my throat. Krap... some scary feeling. Next minute I might be as happy and sweet as can be. This kind of behavior is definitely not normal. I soo do not want to go on AD's, but I just called the hospital and they will call back as soon as they have talked to one of the doctors. These mood changes are unpredictable... Just a little remark... and off I go, all teary I'd freakin' feeling sorry for myself or something. It sukks big time. But I'd prefer to get something which stabilizes those extreme mood swings, than starting to become a total a55hole and stooopid cry baby. I can already see the tendencies coming up now and then.... am starting to snap, and that's so not me. I don't like to be mean to people. One of my mottos is, that it's nice to be nice.... Nice as in genuinely nice...

So let's do this together....  I'm going for it. I thought it would be a one day thing, but it seems to be lingering.

Marcia

[almanu]

i hear all your kind words, looks like i got the riba rage, god im reading about this on the he site for months tbh i tought i was prepared, im fairly a placid sort of lad these days so i was expecting to be a bit narky, not like a raving lunatic, lol in my younger days i was a bit of a how can i put this "pyhco" i guess you could call it lol, i was very wild didnt really care about nothing or anybody ,starting to feel like that at the moment, i wouldnt mind but i suffered from guilt by the way i behaved in  my younger days, also my wife seems to be doing everything possible to annoy me i mean everything, from driving by the shops i wanted to go to then saying oh you wanted to go there to putting gravy on my chicken, i know this girl since im 8 years old i hate gravy, above two are just a flash of my day probley seem like nothing to the NORMAL person but to me it was a catastrophy lol,i definatly need somthing to chill me the hell out or i could get my self into trouble outside the family home, i can take a hell of a lot of pressure these days befor i snap, unlike years ago im really afraid i,ll turn into the monster i was years ago, the only person who could really deal with me back then was my wife, cant really see her going true all that sht again nor do i want her to.ive got a constant feeling in the pit of my stomach that somthing bad is going to happen, i really got to sort my head out, id say i,ll be grand if i just take ad,s or xanax or somthing, i really got to get off my high horse regarding these meds.thanks everyone for letting me have a little rant i feel much better now lol,