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1084115 tn?1385228589

divorce while on treatment

hello ,
it looks like that me and my wife cant no longer stay together.we argue every day,and this is to much for me while iam on treatment.
as maybe many of you know  i struggling with anxiety and have panic attacks.this all seems to much for my wife and we will go each one his own way.
for me its difficult as iam still on treatment and now it seems i lose my wife after then years.
the only positive in my live is the hope of svr.

does anybody here else had similar experiences?had lost his partner during treatment?

i appreciate any comments or opinions
33 Responses
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Avatar universal
I  am so sorry you are going through this but I am so glad everyone talked about their similar experiences while on TX.  Just yesterday I got so mad at my husband, I got in my car and thought, I will just leave and not come back. I am only six hours from California and I would love to drive up the coast.  But after I headed to the I 10,  I had to pull over and laugh.  Who was I kidding. I can't drive to California, I can't even walk through Target without getting short of breathe. I have to get labs tomorrow and a possble transfusion.  Later that evening I found my husband in the back yard with a flash light.  He said he was looking for the pod where his real wife was, he thinks I am an alien sent here to suck the life out of him.  And I have to admit he is almost as pale as I am lately.  But all kidding aside, don't make any decisions while on treatment.  We are not ourselves right now and your wife is suffering just like you are.  The panic and anxiety is just fear, which we all have right now.  I think depression can spread worse than the flu, so try like hell to keep a positive attitude. Seek counseling or whatever you need to keep going.  Best wishes to you and your wife.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good idea to start your own thread with readytobeoverit.
It will encourage participation on your topic and be less confusing to he readers.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sorry Rexx for hijacking your thread....

Ready..
I understand you. Only you know what you can handle going forward. Is there no one else who can take care of the "Moms"? I have senior parents (93 & 89) and I was there principal caretaker. When my husband got sick, my siblings stepped up and took over their care. No way could I have continued to do it. So if there is no one else, I certainly understand why you want out.
You are not being selfish. You are just trying to take care of yourself and no one can blame you for that. I certainly don't.
Take care.
Nan
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Avatar universal
I can't do this anymore.  I understand how hard the treatment is on hep c patients, but it's just as hard on the caretakers.  The only difference is we are suppose to just understand and be loving and patient. My husband is on his third try, I have to take care of him, my 85 year old mom and now his mom, not to mention the house yard and my job, all with a smile on my face.  All I really want to do is walk out the door and not look back.  I'm tired.  I don't have a day without something.  Where is the love and support for us.  This probably sounds selfish, I don't care.  I take my husband to every dr appt.  I handle all the ordering of meds, the same with both moms.  If I get 4 hours of sleep it's a miracle.  But all I hear is how bad it is on the patient.  I KNOW!!!  I've lived with him for years, I've been with him every step.  The problem is no one knows what the spouse goes through, no one says how are you.  When you do say something negative or need a shoulder it's well be glad it's not you.  When this is over, I'm not sure I'll have anything left to give.  I just want out from it all at this moment.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
  Ah, good luck with your Tx and your relationship.
This Treatment affects everyone in our family (and especially, house-hold)
  I developed increased anxiety during my Tx. I was always aware that I had a "germ phobia", but it has gotten much worse during Tx.
  
Helpful - 0
1084115 tn?1385228589
i want to thank everyone whos posted in this topic.i apreciate this so much.

right now she wants to stay with me till i finished treatment(hopefully sucessfull)and then she will take a time out in her homecountry for 2 or 3 months.
after that we will sit toghether and discuss what we are doing.

my wife has became very depressed the past months also,and i know the reason for that is my mental and physical condition.
she never seen me depressed with panic and anxiety before.

thanks again for all the posts and helpfull words.
Helpful - 0
179856 tn?1333547362
I've been here since 2005. This is one of the most kindest, caring threads I've read on here in a long time. People amaze me, you are all wonderful and loving and just such impressive human beings.

I wish you well Rexx, it isn't easy but you WILL make it through.
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Avatar universal
I know firsthand how hard it is on the caregiver. My husband and I struggled with ESLD, hospitalizations for hepatic encephalopathy, endoscopies to band varices, Hep C triple treatment for 5 weeks, and numerous blood transfusions due to severe anemia. He also almost had kidney failure from a medication that was prescribed for him. It was a very tough 18 months and I think what got us through it was we couldn't imagine life without each other. (We've been together for 40 years.)
Now that he had his liver transplant, life is so much better. He is getting back to himself.

Be good to yourself. Take a few days off if you can manage it  and take a mini-vacation. You need to recharge your batteries so to speak. Even just a few days away will help, trust me.  I wish you and your husband success in his 3rd attempt at a cure. It is worth it, so hang in there.

Nan
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My husband is going through tx for the third time. The second time was a study where he did 10 1/2 times the amount daily for 48 weeks. This time they are doing the victrellis, ribaverin and peg interferon. We've been married 30 years, and this is the hardest. I know he feels like hell. I work 12 hours a day, plus do all the housework  and yard. It seems like I'm the only one he can't be nice to.  He says it's because he doesn't have to, but sometimes I wish I was a neighbor, a family member or anyone else, so maybe he'd be a little nicer.  We'll make it through, but not without scars.  Sometimes I think it might have been better if we hadn't done the tx.  My worry is that he'll not go back to being himself. That he's been like this for so long, that it's now who he is.
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317787 tn?1473358451
Dear Rex, I am so sorry for your experience.  The treatment is hard enough without anything else coming at you.  Of course life goes on while you are sick however I would not make any decisions while under the influence of the treatment.  It will get better once you are done with treatment, and you both may decide there is nothing to salvage but can't she hang on?...knowing this is temporary should help.
I know I was a bear to live with while going through tx.  I had panic and anxiety while on the Incivek, it was awful, my husband was a rock during the entire tx.  He continued to take care of me no matter what.
I hope that you and your wife can put off making any decisions until you have finished tx.  My thoughts and prayers are with you
Dee
Have you ever asked your wife to read up on the sx of treatment?  There are many blogs on line which people are writing of their daily struggles.
I wish you the best
Helpful - 0
766573 tn?1365166466
What you said about anxiety and panic compels me to once again encourage you to seek a temporary solution both you and your wife can live with. Conflict can be a serious strain. That, combined with anxiety and panic may compromise the decision making and judgement required when going through legal proceeding.

♫ I am so sorry this is happening. I hope this works out in a manner that enables no hard feelings and a way for you to focus on your treatment.♪
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I happy to say I am nearly 4 years SVR and I, too went through a really rocky spot while txing -and even afterwards. The "during" was because he was frustrated that I was too sick to be intimate with him and he thought that I should just be able to take iron pills to fix the hemolytic anemia that was making me so weak.
Afterwards, I was the one who changed. I was suddenly looking at the world differently -realizing that life was short and every moment was precious. I had made a bucket list and on that list was leaving the causes of my internal "negative clutter" behind. He was almost part of that clutter as his negativity was sapping the joy from my life and I refused to tiptoe around it. So far, we are still together, but our relationship is different now. I wish you all the luck that yours will work out and you both will be happy after you get through slaying this dragon. ((((HUGZ))))
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Avatar universal
It is lonely on you own doing treatment. I got three kids under 8 and even they are struggling with my off days I have a mother who knowes and for this I'm great full but if I'm I'll and she's free the kids go up and I'm on my own. The motivation can hit a zero but at the same time that I feel my mother getting tired of asking how I feeling when by god I'm doing my best for the kids to be here most of the time but don't want them to see me when physically drained and struggling to keep a smile , but I think I would love to have someone to share my day with the ups and the downs someone to trust! And then as I here my girl friends ***** about there men and think how trivial but important in there no worry life's for now I wonder could I actually cope with meaningless fights and another's baggage , it works both ways. It sad to here that when you've put so many years in that tx should bring it to an end . I strongly believe that love conquers all and if it's love you'll see it threw. We are all only human and we have a deeper understanding due to some of life's strange ways that's been thrown our ways we can't fault someone for not coping there in educated and I don't know where I was going with  !? lost what I was saying brain fog, got to smile , any way save you strength and don't get mad or should I say hate for it uses to much of you energy save it for the fight as we need every bit of good and positive thinking we can find, I for one won't share I have and that I'm doing treatment with no one due to my kids I just couldn't face people treating them different ie adults of friends at schoolmate s or any one I have the doctors which I see weekly or fortnight for bloods and a bbv nurses but I live in the hope that I'm going to have a good out come from this tx and if not I can look at my kids and know I done my best for they are my life and I got to be strong to carry there s threw , we allowed to cry to feel to get mad to loose faith as long as we keep going and dont let anyone or anything get you down for to long.
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148588 tn?1465778809
You and she might both consider getting counseling - separately or together. If she is willing to stick around till your tratment is finished, you probably have time to do this.
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Avatar universal
I have been separated for 2 months, could not take the arguing, meds rough enough.
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1084115 tn?1385228589
thanks alot for the tipps,
well she has s gone home in april this year for a month to give us a break,but it seems that this did not change anything.

maybe she should go for a longer time or till i finished the treatment.
sometimes i have hope that we can find together again because i still love her,but to be honest i think there is no way we can stay together.



Helpful - 0
1856494 tn?1340542614
My sweetheart back in 2007 got a kiyak and said Goodby.  He wanted someone that could keep up with him.  We had a two year relationship that I thouroughly enjoyed and even took for granted.  I remember thinking how lucky I was to have him by my side to help me.  i didn't see it coming and maybe that's what threw me for a loop.  Sorry Rexx.  

He came back into my life accidentally and he is pleasant but in the back of my mind I know him better than I did before.  I don't think I can trust him again though he borrows my car.  I must be a door mat.  Don't be like me.  Then I read of an amazing relationship on this site of Eureka and her deceased husband that restored my faith in love.  I suppose anything is possible but as you said the most important thing right now is to SVR cause then like 'Savoy Brown' might say - "you'll have the blues, not me".  

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766573 tn?1365166466
I am with the others. I would encourage your wife to go home for a while or perhaps consider a (temporary) separation. You do not want to be dividing assets and determining alimony and/or other settlements in this frame of mind - especially if your emotion/mental health is compromised in any manner. I am sorry this is happening.  I think all of us in one way or another know what a strain treatment can be on any kind of a relationship.
Hang in there ♫
Helpful - 0
163305 tn?1333668571
If she's homesick, maybe she should go home for the duration of your treatment and after you've recouped, get back together and try giving it a go.
If you feel up to taking care of yourself, this may be an option.
Helpful - 0
1420486 tn?1384793153
  Hang in there Rexx, and maybe she will too.  Perhaps you two can pull through this. If she stays till your done, well thats a stat (step 1) . Sorry for your trouble you are going through on tx.  Step 2 comes after step 1.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I experienced the same thing when I went thru treatment in 07. My wife and I separated and we got back together eventually. Unfortunately, people who are not on or have never been on this treatment do not know what we are going thru.
Granted, we are not the easiest to get along with on treatment, but what I did this time, is, I had my wife go with me to see my Dr. He explained the treatment, side effects, mood swings and all the other complications that go with this treatment.
it really seemed to help!
I know that it is hard on both parties, but there has to be support, especially from your family. I am not much of a complainer, and I try to keep it to a minimum.
I guess what I realized this time is that I am in a different world; physically, emotionally, and mentally.
They are still in their same world!
I can not and will not tell you what to do, it is not my place. Only you know your true situation.
I hope you can get it worked out!
My best to you, I know what your are going thru!
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Avatar universal
With this information and keeping in mind that I don't really know her mind or heart or the dynamics of your relationship, I would encourage her to see her family considering it a trial separation until I would be back on my feet, so to speak. That way no permanent decisions need to be made until you are back to your old self and she can get relief from what seems like a lonely and sad life for her at present.
I wish you all the best.
Helpful - 0
1084115 tn?1385228589
thanks for all the answers.

in 2008 i made already 48 weeks of therapy and in this time she was very helpful and had alot of patience for me,but while on this treatment i did not have anxiety and panic attacks like now.
she said if possible she will stay with me till i finished the treatment and then decide if she wants to back to her home country.or stay with me.

but in the last days she often said she thinks she cant no more longer stay like this and i think she is overwhelmed with the situation now.and she also feel homesick.
Helpful - 0
1016618 tn?1420553262
This is my second attempt to rid the Dragon. My wife is very patient and understanding but we did go to my Doctor together and He explained the sx and what to expect from me, how I would be a moody time bomb and a ball of nerves.

I'd say if she is willing, try to get her to educate herself on what you are going through, if you love each other then don't make any rash decisions while on tx. Try living apart for a while sometimes as they say absence makes the heart fonder.

If she wants more, then there is not much you can do but ebb with the tide and concentrate on getting well. Once you are well you can always mend a burned bridge. It will be hard but you can do it..

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