divorce while on treatment

[rexx73]

hello ,
it looks like that me and my wife cant no longer stay together.we argue every day,and this is to much for me while iam on treatment.
as maybe many of you know  i struggling with anxiety and have panic attacks.this all seems to much for my wife and we will go each one his own way.
for me its difficult as iam still on treatment and now it seems i lose my wife after then years.
the only positive in my live is the hope of svr.

does anybody here else had similar experiences?had lost his partner during treatment?

i appreciate any comments or opinions

[bjack59]

I had the same circumstances - been married for many years, (of course, already had problems) but half-way through treatment, he turned on me.  He put our house up for sale, starting packing things up. I was actually pretty much bedridden at this point and could not do much about it.  I think, he thought I was faking how sick I was.  People do not understand what we go through.  It's not just physical, its emotional.  Anyway, I made him look at this forum and it seemed to change things a little.  That was three months ago and we are still hanging.  I know how you feel - treatment  governs your life and there is no room for other challeges, however, they just keep coming. Good luck.

[rexx73]

my wife is an asiatic and has no family here that makes it even more difficult for her.
she wants to leave Switzerland and go back to her family.
Now I have to look for all the things to do when 2 people divorce.
I will lose a lot of money but my health is the most important thong now.
I tried to stay here till I finished treatment,but its no way for her and it looks like I have to do the last 22 weeks of treatment alone.

[1oftheclub222]

Get thee to a lawyer, find out your rights....you can probably postpone any paperwork until you feel better

[Revalation]

What about a legal separation? That may give you some time.
Maybe if you get the separation before she acts you can buy some time
to get past treatment. She might need a little space to think about things.
If that does not work I'd let her go her own way.

I haven't heard from the person I dated prior to my first treatment.
Didn't even get to say Hep C. Don't regret it a day
.
By the time you get thru tx you will know your real friends and supporters
Shallow people won't be able to handle the situation and you don't need any around. Actually, you never need them, but when there is no crisis
you don't see them for who they really are.

[Ironpony]

I often feel like during treatment my husbamd and I have become two different people. my head is stuck on tx and nothing else but getting through this. Luckily he is very passive, so he quietly endures this without adding more stress by wanting to fight.
I do think once I make it through this we will find each other again...

I'm so sorry to hear about the fighting and panic attacks.

I'm just curious if a seperation first would be better? Make the big decisions when you are not on tx, as these medications can be enough of an emotional whirl wind alone.

best wishes,
Laura

[belle19]

so sorry to hear about your marriage ending.  doesn't your wife realize the stress she'll be putting you thru?  it doesn't seem fair to leave someone when they are not feeling good on treatment.  i'm sorry that you'll be alone.  it's hard not having a support team.  we here at the forum will help you get thru these trying times.  i wish you all the luck in the world.  belle

[rog1958]

Rex,  I too have many important decisions to make including relationships. My therapist advised me not to make any decisions while on tx. Focus on tx, build a new support group. Here is perfect place to start. There are some wonderful people here.  If you must separate temporarily then focus on that. Your wife and others have no idea what we go through on this tx.  Our minds are not the same with all the toxins flushing around daily.  

After tx is the time for permanent decisions, not during.
Good luck and God bless, rog

[rivll]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is not surprising to me that couples have problems while one is doing treatment. All pain and problems are magnified.
I think that Iron Pony had a good idea about a separation until you have gotten through this. I don't think generally speaking, we are truly the same people we were pretx. If she cannot wait, get a lawyer and cut your losses. Yes you will be alone in your hell, but truly we are anyway. No one can be in our own personal circles of hell. I chased my adult kids off when they over identified with my pain.
Hang in there, you will come through this healthier and happier than ever. Hold on to that certainty and you will manage.

[LadyFoxx]

I agree with Ironpony and everyone for that matter treatment messes with your head and mind my family knew what to expect but if there are problems with your marriage prior to your marriage nothing may help and going through this alone and with your support group and close friends maybe a lot easier.  When I argue with my other half while on treatment its like intensified 50 times.  Maybe seperate for awhile making decisions on these meds is very hard and you guys may both change your minds later but only you know for sure whats going on.  I can't think of anything every day but getting through this but it's normal this isnt easy and unless anyone has been here they have no idea what we feel.
   Orhan said once be kind to yourself take the advice because you can do this and get through it...  

[TeeTom]

This is my second attempt to rid the Dragon. My wife is very patient and understanding but we did go to my Doctor together and He explained the sx and what to expect from me, how I would be a moody time bomb and a ball of nerves.

I'd say if she is willing, try to get her to educate herself on what you are going through, if you love each other then don't make any rash decisions while on tx. Try living apart for a while sometimes as they say absence makes the heart fonder.

If she wants more, then there is not much you can do but ebb with the tide and concentrate on getting well. Once you are well you can always mend a burned bridge. It will be hard but you can do it..

[rexx73]

thanks for all the answers.

in 2008 i made already 48 weeks of therapy and in this time she was very helpful and had alot of patience for me,but while on this treatment i did not have anxiety and panic attacks like now.
she said if possible she will stay with me till i finished the treatment and then decide if she wants to back to her home country.or stay with me.

but in the last days she often said she thinks she cant no more longer stay like this and i think she is overwhelmed with the situation now.and she also feel homesick.

[rivll]

With this information and keeping in mind that I don't really know her mind or heart or the dynamics of your relationship, I would encourage her to see her family considering it a trial separation until I would be back on my feet, so to speak. That way no permanent decisions need to be made until you are back to your old self and she can get relief from what seems like a lonely and sad life for her at present.
I wish you all the best.

[tiredofhepc]

I experienced the same thing when I went thru treatment in 07. My wife and I separated and we got back together eventually. Unfortunately, people who are not on or have never been on this treatment do not know what we are going thru.
Granted, we are not the easiest to get along with on treatment, but what I did this time, is, I had my wife go with me to see my Dr. He explained the treatment, side effects, mood swings and all the other complications that go with this treatment.
it really seemed to help!
I know that it is hard on both parties, but there has to be support, especially from your family. I am not much of a complainer, and I try to keep it to a minimum.
I guess what I realized this time is that I am in a different world; physically, emotionally, and mentally.
They are still in their same world!
I can not and will not tell you what to do, it is not my place. Only you know your true situation.
I hope you can get it worked out!
My best to you, I know what your are going thru!

[blondie717]

  Hang in there Rexx, and maybe she will too.  Perhaps you two can pull through this. If she stays till your done, well thats a stat (step 1) . Sorry for your trouble you are going through on tx.  Step 2 comes after step 1.

[orphanedhawk]

If she's homesick, maybe she should go home for the duration of your treatment and after you've recouped, get back together and try giving it a go.
If you feel up to taking care of yourself, this may be an option.

[Idyllic]

I am with the others. I would encourage your wife to go home for a while or perhaps consider a (temporary) separation. You do not want to be dividing assets and determining alimony and/or other settlements in this frame of mind - especially if your emotion/mental health is compromised in any manner. I am sorry this is happening.  I think all of us in one way or another know what a strain treatment can be on any kind of a relationship.
Hang in there ♫

[libzo2]

My sweetheart back in 2007 got a kiyak and said Goodby.  He wanted someone that could keep up with him.  We had a two year relationship that I thouroughly enjoyed and even took for granted.  I remember thinking how lucky I was to have him by my side to help me.  i didn't see it coming and maybe that's what threw me for a loop.  Sorry Rexx.  

He came back into my life accidentally and he is pleasant but in the back of my mind I know him better than I did before.  I don't think I can trust him again though he borrows my car.  I must be a door mat.  Don't be like me.  Then I read of an amazing relationship on this site of Eureka and her deceased husband that restored my faith in love.  I suppose anything is possible but as you said the most important thing right now is to SVR cause then like 'Savoy Brown' might say - "you'll have the blues, not me".  

[rexx73]

thanks alot for the tipps,
well she has s gone home in april this year for a month to give us a break,but it seems that this did not change anything.

maybe she should go for a longer time or till i finished the treatment.
sometimes i have hope that we can find together again because i still love her,but to be honest i think there is no way we can stay together.

[Mark4415]

I have been separated for 2 months, could not take the arguing, meds rough enough.

[desrt]

You and she might both consider getting counseling - separately or together. If she is willing to stick around till your tratment is finished, you probably have time to do this.

[Dayatime]

It is lonely on you own doing treatment. I got three kids under 8 and even they are struggling with my off days I have a mother who knowes and for this I'm great full but if I'm I'll and she's free the kids go up and I'm on my own. The motivation can hit a zero but at the same time that I feel my mother getting tired of asking how I feeling when by god I'm doing my best for the kids to be here most of the time but don't want them to see me when physically drained and struggling to keep a smile , but I think I would love to have someone to share my day with the ups and the downs someone to trust! And then as I here my girl friends ***** about there men and think how trivial but important in there no worry life's for now I wonder could I actually cope with meaningless fights and another's baggage , it works both ways. It sad to here that when you've put so many years in that tx should bring it to an end . I strongly believe that love conquers all and if it's love you'll see it threw. We are all only human and we have a deeper understanding due to some of life's strange ways that's been thrown our ways we can't fault someone for not coping there in educated and I don't know where I was going with  !? lost what I was saying brain fog, got to smile , any way save you strength and don't get mad or should I say hate for it uses to much of you energy save it for the fight as we need every bit of good and positive thinking we can find, I for one won't share I have and that I'm doing treatment with no one due to my kids I just couldn't face people treating them different ie adults of friends at schoolmate s or any one I have the doctors which I see weekly or fortnight for bloods and a bbv nurses but I live in the hope that I'm going to have a good out come from this tx and if not I can look at my kids and know I done my best for they are my life and I got to be strong to carry there s threw , we allowed to cry to feel to get mad to loose faith as long as we keep going and dont let anyone or anything get you down for to long.

[medicmommy]

I happy to say I am nearly 4 years SVR and I, too went through a really rocky spot while txing -and even afterwards. The "during" was because he was frustrated that I was too sick to be intimate with him and he thought that I should just be able to take iron pills to fix the hemolytic anemia that was making me so weak.
Afterwards, I was the one who changed. I was suddenly looking at the world differently -realizing that life was short and every moment was precious. I had made a bucket list and on that list was leaving the causes of my internal "negative clutter" behind. He was almost part of that clutter as his negativity was sapping the joy from my life and I refused to tiptoe around it. So far, we are still together, but our relationship is different now. I wish you all the luck that yours will work out and you both will be happy after you get through slaying this dragon. ((((HUGZ))))

[Idyllic]

What you said about anxiety and panic compels me to once again encourage you to seek a temporary solution both you and your wife can live with. Conflict can be a serious strain. That, combined with anxiety and panic may compromise the decision making and judgement required when going through legal proceeding.

♫ I am so sorry this is happening. I hope this works out in a manner that enables no hard feelings and a way for you to focus on your treatment.♪

[Dee1956]

Dear Rex, I am so sorry for your experience.  The treatment is hard enough without anything else coming at you.  Of course life goes on while you are sick however I would not make any decisions while under the influence of the treatment.  It will get better once you are done with treatment, and you both may decide there is nothing to salvage but can't she hang on?...knowing this is temporary should help.
I know I was a bear to live with while going through tx.  I had panic and anxiety while on the Incivek, it was awful, my husband was a rock during the entire tx.  He continued to take care of me no matter what.
I hope that you and your wife can put off making any decisions until you have finished tx.  My thoughts and prayers are with you
Dee
Have you ever asked your wife to read up on the sx of treatment?  There are many blogs on line which people are writing of their daily struggles.
I wish you the best