Female to male transmission

[Confused458]

I was diagnosed with Herpes 2 twenty years ago.  I had one outbreak and have never had another one.  I have had a few partners in those years (three) one of which was my ex husband.  We had unprotected sex and he never contracted Herpes to my knowledge...at least no visable signs.  We never had blood work done to check. I have been divorced for 10 years and have not been sexually active with anyone during that time.  I recently had intercourse with someone and we did not use a condom initially (yes stupid) but then continued with a condom.  We've had sex once and I am concerned that I could have passed this on to him.  I had a dr's appt. the very next day for routine evaluation and she said everything looked good...there were no visable signs of Herpes 2.  My doctor told me that there is a very low risk that I could have passed the virus to this man given the fact that I have not had symptoms for so many years, no other sexual partners in ten years and used a condom for most of the time.  Do you agree?  I am so upset that I didn't insist on a condom from the beginning and jeopardized this guy's health.  

[gracefromHHP]

He's responsible for his own sexual health.  chances are good he's never been tested for herpes before so if he is going to test - hopefully he went and got a baseline test right away to show what his status was before he met you. There's as little as a 2 week window for this and any result after 2 weeks after having sex with you is questionable as to if it's actually a newly acquired infection for him or not if he does test +.  Hopefully he too has consulted a reliable internet source to learn about testing and gets proper advice as to what to do next.

grace

[Confused458]

20 years ago was awful....I remember being examined roughly by an ER doctor to the point that I cried out, then the nurse told me that I should never have kids because I would "ruin" them.......it's taken time to sort those memories out but you are right that the internet helps make me feel less alone.  I can not tell you how your kind words have helped.  Thank you.

This was not a long term relationship so there are no deep feelings between us.  I did tell him about the blood test but I don't believe I will ever hear from him again.  I can live with him resenting me as long as he is OK....what I really can't stand the thought of is if I give him this......yes, I know he had some responsibility too but that doesn't ease my mind.  I know I mentioned condoms before we began but never came out and said "you have to wear this because it will protect us" or "because I have herpes"....I should have done that.

[gracefromHHP]

Yes you are hsv2+. It's good to confirm that since 20 years ago you got a looksee, a dirty look and shoved out the door pretty much :(    We had little options 20 years ago since al gore hadn't invented the internet yet....he he he  

I hope you and your fellow can work thru things. Did he make an appointment for a type specific herpes igg blood test yet?

grace

[Confused458]

My doctor gave me the results of my blood test.  I assume there is no question that I am Herp 2.  My readings were

HSV 1:  0.06
HSV 2:  10.44

I don't know how to interpret what these readings mean......can anyone help?

[Confused458]

Thank you for those words of comfort.  Years ago when I was diagnosed, it was based on visual confirmation and the doctor did say that he thought it probably was from oral sex since I saw no obvious lesions on my partners penis.  Frankly, after so long without an obvious outbreak (sores), I started to doubt that I even had this disease so I asked my doctor to confirm through a blood test....this was about a year ago.   I swear she did say I had HPV2 but I'm going to check again.

This has been a difficult thing to live with.  I'm 43 and was diagnosed when I was 23...it was my first sexual experience and I ended up with herpes.....talk about a profound affect on a person emotionally.  I came from a small town and a family who were so embarrassed about this so it was really swept under the rug and we never talk about it...not even to this day.  Your response has made me feel better......I'm hoping as well that he shows no signs of transmission and I did make him aware that there is a blood test that will prove whether or not he carries this.  I have a feeling if no obvious signs present themselves then he will go on and I'll never hear from him again....I can live with that....but, what really bothers me is that I broke trust between us.  Thank you again, I'm so glad these forums are available to us now...........could have used this twenty years ago.  Take care.

[gracefromHHP]

Have you ever had any further testing to confirm if you have hsv1 or hsv2 genitally? 20 years ago it was probably a visual diagnosis only. Only having had 1 ob ever - there's a good chance that this is hsv1 genitally and not hsv2 but you need to confirm that with a type specific herpes igg blood test.  things have come a long way in 20 years!

The herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com is a terrific resource to learn more about herpes in general.  

You didn't do anything unforgiveable. You were human. Give yourself a break. Yes indeed we encourage talking about genital herpes and all std's before being intimate but that doesn't always happen all the time.  I'm guessing this fellow didn't talk to you about std's either before he was intimate with you so he needs to take a little of the blame himself. He didn't seem adverse to the no condom at first either right?  It takes 2 to tango as the saying goes.  could you have transmitted herpes to him? Yes you could've but the risk of doing so in a one time semi-protected encounter without any symptoms present is very, very low.

grace

[Confused458]

I did tell this guy but after the fact.  Needless to say he is very angry and upset with me...rightfully so.  I can't change what I did but I'm hoping, praying in fact that I did not pass anything along to him.  I had hoped to find out what the odds of passing herpes along to him might be.  I've read so much on the internet and it seems very unlikely that the chances of spreading it would occur. This concured with what my doctor told me.  I know I can't count on it and  I know I did something unforgivable....I'm just trying to find some peace of mind at this point for him and me.  

[daisy315]

You are HSV2 + so unprotected sex will always carry the risk of you transmitting it to someone else whether you are asymptomatic or not ..... I think to be fair to the guy you had unprotected sex with you should tell him the situation and make him aware that you may have transmitted it to him regardless of the level of risk he has a right to know the possibility was there.
Please do not assume that because you have been asymptomatic that you cannot transmit the virus via unprotected sex,you can....if you have passed it  onto this guy he may also be asymptomatic for some time and unware that he has been put at risk.
You need to tell him so that he can be tested to err on the side of caution.

Daisy