Going crazy?

[somesaymist]

I am not exactly sure what is going on with me these days. I'll try to give an accurate history of my problem so that maybe I can find info I need. One day in the middle of December, after wiping post-urination I felt a burning sensation that lasted about an hour. However, before the feeling went away, I got on the internet and searched that symptom. Herpes was one of the possible causes that came up. From that moment on, I became obsessed over the idea of having genital herpes. Mainly my fears came from worrying about future pregnancy to guilt over maybe having given this to my husband. My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years and have both been completely monogamous, of that I'm sure. He was with two other women prior to me and I was with 4 other men prior to him. I absolutely believe that if I have herpes, it would have been from the boy I lost my virginity to. I was niave and young and found out things about him when we broke up that I should've known before we met. For the sake of full disclosure, I found out that he gave a girl herpes 7 months after we had broken up. I have no idea if he had it while we were together. But I digress, anyway, back to my symptoms. It seemed like the more I obsessed over herpes, the more symptoms I had. The thing is that I can't be sure it wasn't all in my head. I never could definitively conclude it was herpes because I had no obvious blisters. I thought I saw bumps. I never really looked at myself down there so I didn't know what was normal and what wasn't. Anyway, I went to my ob/gyn but she didn't see anything abnormal. This calmed my nerves some and the symptoms eased but once I told my husband about all of this I started stressing again and symptoms returned. Finally, after about 10.5 weeks, I went and got the HerpesSelect Igg blood test. I was negative for both HSV-1 and-2. That calmed me for about 2 weeks then I started worrying that the test was a false negative. So basically, I'm still having times of symptoms. My symptoms come and go throughout the day and sometimes they go away for a day or two or maybe even a week or two. I never notice any discomfort when I'm completely preoccupied like when I go running. The symptom I'm experiencing now is a feeling somewhere between a prickly pain or itch on the outside of the vagina. I can't find the words to describe the feeling. Anyway, my husband thinks it's in my head, but I'm not sure. How can it be just in my head? Do I only notice my symptoms when I'm thinking about them because they are imaginary or because they are so mild? See where I'm going with this? Anyway, I guess what I'm asking is that what are the chances that I could've gotten HSV from my first partner about 12 years ago and still have a negative blood test? Should I get tested again? Or is it that I need to learn to cope with hypochondria? My husband is being so patient and understanding with me but I've become so afraid to have sex with him that I can't imagine he'll be understanding forever.

[gracefromHHP]

I'm sure there are many moments when you think the same about him right? he he he

[somesaymist]

Thank you, Grace, for such a fast response. I know you're right. When I say this thing out loud, I even realize how it sounds, but there's always that seed of doubt in my mind. I hope hearing it from you will start to help me overcome my paranoia. The funny thing is that the idea of living with herpes doesn't scare me or make me feel bad about myself but I just feel like I need to know, and I don't want to believe (admit) that it's psychological. I guess my husband's probably right. I'm a tad on the crazy side.

[gracefromHHP]

you really don't have any reason to think you have herpes. Your blood test is negative for both and no reason to suspect a false negative.   since symptoms go away when you are reassured that you don't have herpes, even more reason to think that most of what is going on is psychosomatic.  

grace