HSV2 pos female neg male

[treanya]

I was diagnosed with HSV 2 (genitally) about 6 months ago. My primary outbreak was on my cervix, my gyno took cultures and then contacted me a week later to let me know it was herpes. Luckily, since then I have had no signs or symptoms. The person that I contracted it from was aware of his status and did not inform me.

Now - about 3 months ago I started seeing someone, I told him immediately that I am HSV 2 positive and thankfully he did not make a run for it. However this obstacle has been difficult for us. We have not yet had sex, and he is very afraid. I don't blame him, if I could go back in time I'm pretty sure that I would not have taken the risk had I known then what I know now. I started daily Valtrex about a month ago, and am very conscious of my body so of course I would tell him if I felt an outbreak coming on or if I were having an outbreak. He is starting to open up about the idea of having sex with me, he is asking more questions about avoiding transmission. To my knowledge the only things we can really do is: Use condoms, avoid sexual contact during prodromal symptoms or outbreaks and use daily Valtrex.. right? Someone that I know who has HSV 2 and her boyfriend doesn't told me that it is wise for the man to wash his genital area after sexual contact - does this really help? If there are any other precautions I would love to know what they are. Also I would appreciate it if other people in this situation could please share their experiences. I want to know that I am doing everything I can to protect him.

[gracefromHHP]

no it does not. lysine doesn't have much effect on herpes and we don't recommend its use.

[treanya]

Thanks again Grace, your insight is very helpful. I agree with you about the risk of pregnancy being about the same as contracting herpes, and how comparatively having a baby would be much more of an issue but alas I am not the one on the other side of the fence and must be patient and try to help him become comfortable with the situation.

Does anyone have any information regarding whether or not taking a natural supplement, like Lysine, helps to further suppress the virus in addition to a daily antiviral?

[gracefromHHP]

correct, no risk yet for him.

Put it in perspective - if you are in the bc pill, your ideal risk of pregnancy is 1%/year ( real use is 8% ).  Would you tell a fellow no you won't have sex with them because you are afraid you'll get pregnant while on the pill?  I think we can all agree that having a baby with someone is more of an issue than them potentially getting herpes from you right?  Can't control a baby with 1 or 2 pills a day.  

grace

[treanya]

Thank you for your response Grace, it's refreshing to know that I am doing what I can. I do have another question though: During mutual masturbation he does not wear a condom - it doesn't seem like this would pose any risk since his genitals are not coming into contact with mine. Am I wrong? He washes his hands when he is done touching me and we make sure not to touch his genitals if either of us have touched mine. Also he has not performed oral sex on me, so it seems to me at this point his risk of having caught it either genitally or orally is zero. Please correct me if I am wrong.

I want to have sex with him but I don't want him to feel pressured and I don't want him to be uncomfortable and constantly concerned about contracting it - that would just ruin the experience.

[gracefromHHP]

washing up after sex just makes you smell better. the virus is transmitted during the sex act itself. by the time you are done having sex, the risk is over. the virus doesn't lay on the skin and work its way down.  

If you take daily suppressive therapy, avoid sex anytime you have anything going on genitally and use condoms properly ( apply them when the clothes come off, not just for actual penetration ), your male partner's risk is 1% each year.  Very reasonable right?

keep asking questions as you both have them :)

grace