What is the spray you are using? I've never heard of that.
You don't mention your gender, but if you are female, and he is male, using valacyclovir, and avoiding sex when you have symptoms, and assuming sex 2-3x a week means that he has about a 2% chance per year of getting hsv2 from you. If you add condoms to that, it's about 1%.
We don't have stats for same sex couples, unfortunately, but for two men, we assume it's at least the same, maybe a bit higher.
You deserve someone who isn't afraid of being intimate with you. There are people who won't be.