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I get coldsores
Hi I have some questions and I'm terrified to ask anywhere else so I hope someone can help me. I have had cold sores every since I was a little kid. It's just been a part of my life and I never realised it was something unusual. I thought most people had it or that it wasn't a big deal. My parents and nobody in fact have ever told me anything about it.
It was only when I got older that I realised it was actually herpes, and I had to research it and I'm not sure I did a very good job. All I get is a little blister on my lip once every several months or something, so it never seemed like a big deal, but it seems that it's a very big deal. Anyway, I have a few questions about it:
1) Should I tell someone I meet before I kiss them on the lips for the first time? "I had a wonderful evening, let me walk you to the door, I'd love to kiss you goodnight but I have herpes..."?
2) What should I actually tell partners once I start dating?
3) Am I at risk of spreading it to a girl's genitals or lips? How about if I have no coldsore?
4) My last cold sore was actually 10 years ago... I also have had some extremely run down times, where I have had a bad cold and yet extremely late nights - sometimes even being awake for 24 hours or more in a row, for various reasons. And yet I still haven't gotten a cold sore. It's been 10 years with nothing at all, not even a tingle. Is it possible the virus finished within me?
Thank you. Currently I tell every girl I meet before we even kiss, and 99% of the time, they look at me absolutely horrified like I told them I have HIV. Most of them are scared of me after that. It makes life terrible.
It was only when I got older that I realised it was actually herpes, and I had to research it and I'm not sure I did a very good job. All I get is a little blister on my lip once every several months or something, so it never seemed like a big deal, but it seems that it's a very big deal. Anyway, I have a few questions about it:
1) Should I tell someone I meet before I kiss them on the lips for the first time? "I had a wonderful evening, let me walk you to the door, I'd love to kiss you goodnight but I have herpes..."?
2) What should I actually tell partners once I start dating?
3) Am I at risk of spreading it to a girl's genitals or lips? How about if I have no coldsore?
4) My last cold sore was actually 10 years ago... I also have had some extremely run down times, where I have had a bad cold and yet extremely late nights - sometimes even being awake for 24 hours or more in a row, for various reasons. And yet I still haven't gotten a cold sore. It's been 10 years with nothing at all, not even a tingle. Is it possible the virus finished within me?
Thank you. Currently I tell every girl I meet before we even kiss, and 99% of the time, they look at me absolutely horrified like I told them I have HIV. Most of them are scared of me after that. It makes life terrible.
nope - herpes is never gone. even if you aren't getting obvious cold sores you are still shedding the virus periodically.
It's totally your choice whether to tell and when to tell. My only advice is you will never be kicking yourself in the butt for not telling and a partner contracts it and you have to tell them you not only knew you had them but you had also taken it a step further and knew you could transmit them both orally and genitally even without an obvious cold sore present if you are talking about it at some point before you get an obvious cold sore.
grace
It's totally your choice whether to tell and when to tell. My only advice is you will never be kicking yourself in the butt for not telling and a partner contracts it and you have to tell them you not only knew you had them but you had also taken it a step further and knew you could transmit them both orally and genitally even without an obvious cold sore present if you are talking about it at some point before you get an obvious cold sore.
grace
Wow thank you, very kind. I have some stuff to think about there. Could I ask a couple of things back?
My friend who gets cold sores too, says that he doesn't tell anyone. Not because he is hiding it but because he didn't think he needed to. I asked what happens when he gets a cold sore when he has a girlfriend and he said it doesn't matter. He gets it and they ask, "What's that?" and he just says, "Oh I got a cold sore, can't kiss you for a few days or so".
That sounds good to me but I read that I should tell people because there is a small risk they can get it from me, even if I don't have a cold sore. So I tell everyone sometimes even before I kiss them, and I wonder if I am maybe making too big a thing out of it?
As for the 10 years thing, I'm really glad I haven't had one for that long! But I ask because I wondered if it might have actually gone? Or at least gone permanently dormant or something? I'm only 29, so 10 years a little over a third of my entire life. It wasn't even a gradual thing either. When I was younger I would just seem to get a cold sore about once a year, usually in the winter when I was run down and had a cold. I just got used to it. But ever since I was about 17 ot 18 (so more like 11 or 12 years I suppose), I just haven't had one at all. It's weird. It's great.. but I wonder if maybe it might have gone or if I've just had a lucky 10 years?
My friend who gets cold sores too, says that he doesn't tell anyone. Not because he is hiding it but because he didn't think he needed to. I asked what happens when he gets a cold sore when he has a girlfriend and he said it doesn't matter. He gets it and they ask, "What's that?" and he just says, "Oh I got a cold sore, can't kiss you for a few days or so".
That sounds good to me but I read that I should tell people because there is a small risk they can get it from me, even if I don't have a cold sore. So I tell everyone sometimes even before I kiss them, and I wonder if I am maybe making too big a thing out of it?
As for the 10 years thing, I'm really glad I haven't had one for that long! But I ask because I wondered if it might have actually gone? Or at least gone permanently dormant or something? I'm only 29, so 10 years a little over a third of my entire life. It wasn't even a gradual thing either. When I was younger I would just seem to get a cold sore about once a year, usually in the winter when I was run down and had a cold. I just got used to it. But ever since I was about 17 ot 18 (so more like 11 or 12 years I suppose), I just haven't had one at all. It's weird. It's great.. but I wonder if maybe it might have gone or if I've just had a lucky 10 years?
1) Should I tell someone I meet before I kiss them on the lips for the first time? "I had a wonderful evening, let me walk you to the door, I'd love to kiss you goodnight but I have herpes..."?
That's totally your choice if you want to do that or not. I know some folks who do. I really can't recommend one way or another to you. My own personal way of handling it is I don't talk about it before kissing but I do talk about it before oral sex ( when it comes to my own oral herpes ). I know some folks bash me for that since I recommend talking about genital herpes before ever having sex but I don't do the same for oral herpes. It's just my own personal choice.
2) What should I actually tell partners once I start dating?
It sounds like you are already covering it. I think most folks really appreciate the honesty even if they are shocked to hear someone actually say - Hey I've been thinking of kissing you for a few dates now but there was something I wanted to bring up before I do so - I have oral herpes , you probably know it better as cold sores/fever blisters. The virus is only active here and there and when I do get one I certainly won't kiss you unless you tell me you've had them too but I just feel it's polite to mention this and ask your permission to kiss you first because of it.
3) Am I at risk of spreading it to a girl's genitals or lips? How about if I have no coldsore?
When you have a cold sore or feel one coming on, don't kiss/perform oral unless you know they too have hsv1 orally. Discuss with your partner about oral sex and if they want to utilize barrier protection for it or not. You can transmit it to the genital area thru oral sex if they don't already have hsv1 orally themselves. Just remember the virus is not active 24/7/365 and you are always more likely NOT to transmit than you are to transmit it. You can transmit it without an obvious cold sore present too but just avoiding kissing/oral sex when you do have cold sores goes a long way.
4) My last cold sore was actually 10 years ago... I also have had some extremely run down times, where I have had a bad cold and yet extremely late nights - sometimes even being awake for 24 hours or more in a row, for various reasons. And yet I still haven't gotten a cold sore. It's been 10 years with nothing at all, not even a tingle. Is it possible the virus finished within me?
Most folks do find that over time they get less obvious cold sores. It differs from person to person and probably has as much to do with genetics as anything. I know you aren't complaining that you aren't still getting them frequently right? :) I guess the take home message is - we don't know if the rate of shedding is decreased or not the longer you are infected - we don't have data on that. HHH over on the expert forum always says the longer you are infected with hsv1 orally the less likely you are to transmit it but I"m not sure there's any real data to support that to be honest. I've never seen hsv1 oral shedding studies done on folks infected since childhood to give you more concrete answers. The virus is only active on average anywhere from 10-20% of days out of the year on average. Though that sounds like a lot - it's still 80-90% of days where it's no risk to smooch and perform oral. If someone told you there was a 80-90% chance of a perfectly beautiful sunshiney day today - I don't think you'd cancel a trip to the beach for the day would you?
grace
That's totally your choice if you want to do that or not. I know some folks who do. I really can't recommend one way or another to you. My own personal way of handling it is I don't talk about it before kissing but I do talk about it before oral sex ( when it comes to my own oral herpes ). I know some folks bash me for that since I recommend talking about genital herpes before ever having sex but I don't do the same for oral herpes. It's just my own personal choice.
2) What should I actually tell partners once I start dating?
It sounds like you are already covering it. I think most folks really appreciate the honesty even if they are shocked to hear someone actually say - Hey I've been thinking of kissing you for a few dates now but there was something I wanted to bring up before I do so - I have oral herpes , you probably know it better as cold sores/fever blisters. The virus is only active here and there and when I do get one I certainly won't kiss you unless you tell me you've had them too but I just feel it's polite to mention this and ask your permission to kiss you first because of it.
3) Am I at risk of spreading it to a girl's genitals or lips? How about if I have no coldsore?
When you have a cold sore or feel one coming on, don't kiss/perform oral unless you know they too have hsv1 orally. Discuss with your partner about oral sex and if they want to utilize barrier protection for it or not. You can transmit it to the genital area thru oral sex if they don't already have hsv1 orally themselves. Just remember the virus is not active 24/7/365 and you are always more likely NOT to transmit than you are to transmit it. You can transmit it without an obvious cold sore present too but just avoiding kissing/oral sex when you do have cold sores goes a long way.
4) My last cold sore was actually 10 years ago... I also have had some extremely run down times, where I have had a bad cold and yet extremely late nights - sometimes even being awake for 24 hours or more in a row, for various reasons. And yet I still haven't gotten a cold sore. It's been 10 years with nothing at all, not even a tingle. Is it possible the virus finished within me?
Most folks do find that over time they get less obvious cold sores. It differs from person to person and probably has as much to do with genetics as anything. I know you aren't complaining that you aren't still getting them frequently right? :) I guess the take home message is - we don't know if the rate of shedding is decreased or not the longer you are infected - we don't have data on that. HHH over on the expert forum always says the longer you are infected with hsv1 orally the less likely you are to transmit it but I"m not sure there's any real data to support that to be honest. I've never seen hsv1 oral shedding studies done on folks infected since childhood to give you more concrete answers. The virus is only active on average anywhere from 10-20% of days out of the year on average. Though that sounds like a lot - it's still 80-90% of days where it's no risk to smooch and perform oral. If someone told you there was a 80-90% chance of a perfectly beautiful sunshiney day today - I don't think you'd cancel a trip to the beach for the day would you?
grace
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
