Long term relationship- genital HSV-1

[HMcM]

I am a happily married stay-at-home mom and have been in a monogomous relationship with my husband for almost 6 years. Neither of us has ever had any sypmptoms of an STD. Recently, after vaginal sex, I developed a genital outbreak of HSV-1. (This was confirmed with a culture of the infected area). It felt very much like a "primary" outbreak- fever, headache, painful urination, swollen groin lymph nodes, etc.
I know my husband and I have both been faithful, so I am wondering how this could have happened? Could this "primary" outbreak have been the result from infection years ago? Could my husband have infected me? Assuming after all this time we both have genital HSV-1, should we abstain from oral sex now to ensure that neither of us transmits the virus to our mouths?
With our doctor, we decided that my husband is not going to be tested since we are in a committed, long-term relationship and thus it doesn't really matter.
I appreciate any insights you can give me regarding the above questions- Thank you!

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

You can use the same towel to dry your entire body.  Most people dry genitals last, but that is not really important here.  We don't believe that HSV is spread through towel use, no.  Nonetheless, it isn't a bad idea to have your own towel.  There is much less shedding and recurrence with HSV 1 genital infection, that is correct.   In fact, many people with HSV 1 genitally don't have recurrences at all.  I hope that's the case with you.  All the best

Terri

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

Have you received oral sex from your husband in the past month?  Has he ever had a cold sore?  Was your outbreak bilateral (that is, were there sores on both sides of your genital area?  

Yes, you could have been infected for years and didn't know it.  And yes, your husband could have given this to you via oral sex or vaginal intercourse at some point in your relationship.  Once you have HSV in one location, it is very unusual that you would get it in a new location on your body.  I'm not sure that I agree with the decision not to have your husband tested, but you should go with guidance that is best for you both.  If you answer the questions that I posed above, I can give you better guidance about your questions.

Terri

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

Hi Melissa,
I'm glad you are doing better and can serve as a role model for other people in your similar situation.  Thanks for your comments.

Terri

[HMcM]

I hope Terri's comments above were reassuring for you. When I received my diagnosis, I was going crazy with cleaning/ laundry for fear of exposing my children. From what Terri and other doctors have said, I think it is extremely unlikely to spread it to your children. I would think it's probably easier to spread oral herpes to them!
I was very upset when I had my outbreak and also confused as to how it could have happened to us. But it's been a month now, and although I still have my moments, I have a much better perspective on the whole thing. In my opinion, if you are in a committed, monogamous, long-term relationship, then it really shouldn't be anything more than an inconvenience at times. We are not going to let it have a major impact on our life. At least this is how my husband and I are looking at it. I hope that helps and that you are feeling better.

[HMcM]

Hi Terri,
Thank you very much for your help and sharing your expertise with us. This forum has been such a great resource!

[MelissaMcConomy]

Hi,

I have a very similar situation. I just found out I have herpes. I have been with the same man for 2 years. He has never seen any signs of the disease. I have never seen any signs either. I live with two girls and I noticed your towel comment above. Is it possible that I could have contracted herpes from using soemone else's towel? We are very confused as to how this happened and I'm devistated.

Melissa

[HMcM]

Thank you Terri- I don't think we will ever know how this happened to us and we are OK with that and just moving forward at this point.

At this point all visual symptoms are gone... does this mean the outbreak is over and I am no longer "contagious"? Can I use the same towel to dry my entire body? (I know I am probably over-reacting with the cleaning, etc. but  now that everything looks normal again, can I feel confident that my normal cleaning habits are enough to prevent spreading this to my children?)

I know there is asymptomatic shedding to worry about though. From my research it seems like genital HSV-1 infections result in fewer recurrences and less asymptomatic shedding. Does your clinical experience support this?

Thank you again for sharing your expertise with us :)

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

I don't think you need to keep your laundry separate, but yes, to using your own towels for drying off.  I think it is highly unlikely that you would spread this to your children, however, in any manner.  I know this worries you, as it worries lots of mothers, but I don't think the worry is warranted.  

Its hard to know what happened here.  Your husband could have HSV 1 genitally, you could have had this for a long time with no outbreaks, just very confusing.  You may never have another outbreak or you could have a few in a year.  I think you just have to wait and see what happens here.

Terri

[HMcM]

Thank you for your answer. To answer your questions,
-- no, I did not receive oral sex from my husband during the past month
-- he (and I) have never had cold sores
-- yes, my outbreak was bilateral

I know that at this point it doesn't really matter who gave it to who, I'm just trying to understand how it happened and what I can expect in the future. If this is something that I acquired from someone other than my husband, then my body kept it "under wraps" for over 6 years! Does this mean that it may go back to "sleep" and I may not see it for a while? (I know you can't tell the future, but I'm just wondering what you think about HSV-1 genital recurrences in people who have that type of delayed initial outbreak).
Also, I have been diligently washing my hands and keeping my towels, etc. away from the rest of my family to avoid spreading this to my children. (I have a baby in diapers). When is it "safe" to go back to my normal cleaning/ laundering behaviours? How likely is it that I could pass this to my children?
Thank you again for your insight