Not sure what the next step is..need some advice

[heartbroken975]

I just found out that I have hsv 2. This was shocking but what became even more shocking was the fact that my lover came back negative. I had a pap done early this year and it came back clean so I am so confused. Should I get retested? The diagnosis is devastating but the guy I am in love with is trying to decide whether he even wants to be in the same room as me. Which is really code for him walking away. I don't know what to think. I feel suicidal at times but I am trying to keep it together.
Should I get retested? Is it possible that the doctor made a mistake?

[heartbroken975]

I guess it is just time for me to let go and move on with my life.

[gracefromHHP]

no reason to think that he contracted hsv2 from you. Overall the risk is low and it's more likely that he didn't contract hsv2 from you than he did.

The relationship is over. If he has concerns about having had a relationship with you, I'm sure he can seek out answers either from his provider or online. I'm sure if he had shown signs of being infected, he would've by now and been seen and let you know that he had contracted it from you. time to wash your hands of him and move on to someone new :)

[heartbroken975]

Yeah, I figured that was the case once he came back negative. I haven't spoken to him since he got his results back. I spoke with my doctor yesterday asking about his negative results. We had sex on three occasions but about 12 times total. I have given him oral sex and he has done the same. Given all this information, I am reasonably assuming that his results were a false negative due to the fact that it was only six weeks post first exposure (for him) and less since the last one.

I have tried contacting him today but he is not responding. I know his provider didn't share this info with him because I asked him in our last conversation. In my opinion, I have done my responsibility to him by telling him of my status right away. However do I need to tell him he needs to be retested? How soon will he show signs of infection? Is it possible that he didn't get infected? ( I remember having some type of bump in my vaginal area during our first encounter).

[gracefromHHP]

thank you for getting that for me!  You were properly tested and your hsv2 igg is above the typical false positive range so no reason for further testing to confirm your status.

Since you tested + and your partner didn't, you know you've had this since before you met him. If you've never been tested for herpes before, no way to find out how long you've been infected.

keep asking any questions you have :)

[heartbroken975]

I got my results and here is what they showed: HSV 2 Igg AB >5.00 H

[gracefromHHP]

once you get your test results to post here for me to look at, I can better advise you on what step to take next.

[heartbroken975]

I just had a general std screening down because I had unprotected sex with the guy I was seeing. I wanted to make sure he didn't give me anything. Funny how that turned out because it looks like he is negative and I am positive.

We first had sex six weeks ago but prior to that I remember getting bumps or lesions last year and thought they were strange but I dismissed them. Now I know that was an outbreak.

[gracefromHHP]

also did you have any genital symptoms that led to testing or was this just a general std test you had done that showed that you have hsv2?

[gracefromHHP]

If you haven't read the free herpes handbook yet and watched the patient counseling video, I highly recommend them both - www.westoverheights.com is the link. Both are free and terrific places to start learning more about herpes :)

Give your provider a call tuesday and ask them to read your test results to you to post here. All I need to see are the actual numeric results - e.g. hsv1 igg 7.98 and hsv2 igg 5.7 or whatever they are. That way we can be sure you were properly tested and see if your igg is in the potential false positive range to see if you need additional testing done.

grace

[heartbroken975]

Thank you so much. Today I am feeling alot more hopeful. Most likely I have lived with this virus for  years and mistook my outbreak for pulling a hair. This means that I just need to continue life as normal.
As far as the guy is concerned, I have contacted him and he has contacted me since he found out he is negative. If he is really infected but just got tested to early- I am sure he will be back looking for my support. I will just see what time shows. At my next visit to the doctor I will be asking for a copy of my results and at that time I will post them for further clarification. Right now, I think herpes will have to take a back seat in my life.

Thanks once again for all the answers and advice. I will continue to read the forum and educate myself about the virus.

[Mistakeguy789]

There is pleanty of true people out there that will love you if you even have HSV-2.  You see what true people are sometimes from such a stigma.  You know I can't stand someone who will do something like that. Someone who loves you will be with you and not let a microsopic virus come in between you.  I am sorry that he left you.  He was beyond childish and disresepectful.  

Without knowing your results we are limited on your advice.  Yes if his last partner was shorter than 12 weeks prior to testing there is a risk that it was done too early.  But we need the results to help you out.  

[heartbroken975]

I am not suicidal. I just needs some advice. I am realizing that if the guy loved me he would have stayed. Also, I have spent some time thinking and maybe I do have symptoms. I haven't had any other partners.

Is it possible he was tested to early to get a positive since it was only about six weeks ago?

[Mistakeguy789]

First thing is if you are feeling suicidal please call your local help line to talk to someone.  Herpes and for that matter a guy are not worth ending ones life over.  With the therapy and proper precautions the risk of transmission can be brought down to almost 1-2% per year.  That is 1-2% chance each year that your partner would be infected with herpes.  

The questions here are going to be answered when we have your lab work from the doctor.  

In my opinion any guy that is willing to run for the hills isn't worth keeping.  Herpes is a skin condition.  I would be more understanding if this was something dangerous like HIV.  However it isn't anything like that.  If I was in your shoes and the fact is there are far more guys than girls and quite honestly you can find someone that would be better.  For example he could have learned of what precuations should be taken and if you really have herpes or not.  

In your case the answer is depending on the lab work depends on if this could be a false positive or improper test was run.  

Do you have HSV-1?  Was this tested?  Have you had any other partners prior to this testing within the last 12 weeks?

[heartbroken975]

Thanks for your response. I will get a copy of my test results from the doctor. I had blood test done.
As far as the guy is concerned, I think he ran for the hills. I haven't heard from him since yesterday. When I asked him if I would see him again his response was "I'm thinking about it."
In someways, I think the broken heart is killing me more than the diagnosis. We always had unprotected sex so I am surprised he came back negative. Is it possible it just didn't show up in his blood stream? We have been having sex since mid May.

[bobrope45]

Pap smear don't test for herpes; therefore, your previous results mean nothing.

How were you diagnosed? Through swab or blood test? It would be good if you could post here your results so we can help you understand what's going on. Get a copy of your results with your doctor and tell us the results.

And even if this is herpes, there's no need to be desperate. In the US 1 in every 4-5 people has HSV2, it's that common. And there are ways to reduce transmission, so there's really no reason for your guy to be panicked.