RARE FORM

[sher1230]

I AM A 29 YR OLD FEMALE WHO HAS BEEN WITH THE SAME MAN (HUSBAND/CHILD FATHER) FOR ABOUT 14YRS ON AND OFF..MAINLY ON..BUT DURING THOSE OFF TIMES HE ALWAYS DEALT WITH A QUITE A FEW DIFFERENT WOMEN..I DEALT WITH PROBABLY ABOUT 4 GUYS ALTOGETHER DURING OUR BREAKUPS. I HOWEVER ALWAYS USED PROTECTION..I DONT BELIEVE HE ALWAYS DID BC HE HATED CONDOMS..IN ANY CASE FOR THE LAST 3MONTHS I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH A NEW GUY, AND IN MY RECENT GYN DR. APPT FOR FEMALE IRRITATION LAST WEEK I WAS TOLD I HAVE HERPES. OF COURSE THAT SENT ME ON EDGE AND AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER BECAUSE ALTHOUGH I CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND HOW MANY MEN I BEEN WITH I STILL DONT KNOW WHICH ONE..I ALSO THOUGHT BECAUSE I USED PROTECTION WITH EVERYONE ELSE I WOULD BE OKAY, NOT KNOWING THAT YOU CAN CATCH IT FROM ORAL SEX AS WELL..I GUESS THAT WAS IGNORANT OF ME TO NOT KNOW THAT, ESPECIALLY WITH ME BEING IN HEALTHCARE.

I HAVE COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS OVER. YEAH I KNOW IT SOUNDS OVER DRAMATIC AND IT COULD BE WORST BUT THATS JUST THE WAY IM FEELING RIGHT NOW..I HAVE BEAT MYSELF UP MENTALLY OVER THE LAST WEEK SINCE I FOUND OUT. I HAVE BEEN BLEACHING MY TOILET DOWN AFTER I USE IT AND NOT ALLOWING MY DAUGHTER TO DRINK OR EAT AFTER ME. YES I STILL KNOW I AM A LOVELY PERSON BUT IS THAT ENOUGH TO GET PASS THIS. AT THIS POINT I FEEL LIKE I CAN NEVER GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I AM TOO AFRAID OF THE REJECTION AND JUDGEMENT.. PLS HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHERE I WENT WRONG AND WHERE CAN I FIND SUPPORT AND SOME TYPE OF CLOSURE TO THIS ISSUE. SORRY FOR WRITING A BOOK I JUST NEEDED TO VENT...

[Summit123]

I sort of never looked back on this post for well over a year . But thanks for telling me about that book. I will read it because I still don't know how to date with this disease. I still feel depressed at times- and anytime I get sick I wonder if it is the disease affecting me. For example, I have been having very weird GI and neurological issues for the past 8 weeks and have seen 9 different doctors and no one can put it all together . The most recent doctor said that I am having both neurologic and GI issues at the same time. This all started with mild stomach flutters and have progressed to weight loss , diarrhea, abdominal pain,  difficulty swallowing and muscle fasiculations all over, arm numbness (no weakness) but other neurologic symptoms like goose bumps on legs and I am not cold. About the same time symptoms started I have a herpetic lip lesion (I surmised that it was because I had stop taking the valtrex for about 3 months) I  have no other history but the herpes- so quite naturally I was trying to make a correlation with these symptoms but Everyone think I was crazy for doing that. So here I am trying to figure out another diagnosis on this site. I don't know what is wrong with me. Thanks

[gracefromHHP]

what testing did you have done?

we recommend the free herpes handbook by Terri Warren, our herpes expert here on medhelp, regularly here. google it and it comes right up on her westover heights website. she also wrote a terrific book called "the good news about the bad news" that you can get for under $20 on amazon. It goes into more details than her handbook and really gets into the psychological side of having genital herpes too.  

have you talked to your regular partner and your current partner about all of this yet? have they gotten testing?

grace

[Summit123]

Hey/ I understand how you feel. I have been in a committed relationship for 15 years- to a wonderful man. He was out of work for a while and found a job in San Francisco in December. I decided that because the relationship was strained on a financially and emotional level- I would use this opportunity to date other people (see if the grass is greener on the other side). I decided to go on match.com. I am a shy person- so I went on a few dates w/ 3 people only, then ended my subscription. The guy that I fell head over heels for- I begged him to get tested. However, he was always making up excuses about health insurance- mind you he is a full time education administrator. So, I went ahead and got tested to prove to him that he had nothing to fear- everything came back negative (including herpes). The same weekend he came over my house and had oral sex with me/ instantly/ maybe 1/2 hour later I felt a burning sensation on my vagina. The days that followed- I ended up with a slight discharge/ but no sores. I know my body well and found this to be very strange. He was on his way to a trip in Vegas- I told him of the symptoms (he was very unsupportive of my feelings) when he came back I told him he needed to get tested - insurance or no insurance. Needless to say- within one week of being negative - my tests came back positive and so did his. Yes- based on his lifestyle (which he did not reveal to me b4 this diagnosis) he gave this disease to me. I cried and felt like I could never get married or have kids- because who would want me now? And here's a side note- the person who gives it to you- also out of the blue- doesn't want you. Isn't life ironic? I feel he knew he had this disease bcause he did not go through the emotional roller coaster that I am still going through. I still text him- mostly because I feel like an untouchable to the rest of the world. I have thought about finding his school and putting up posters about what he did to me- but I don't have the heart to hurt even someone who has hurt me. I feel your pain SHER120. I just don't know why there is not more public education about oral sex and contracting herpes/ because that's how he gave it to me. He always wore condoms. Also, we have known about this virus for over 200 years- why there is still no cure? The first thing I did last month when I found out about this diagnosis- was to give Duke university a donation for the researchers trying to find a cure. I encourage everyone to become proactive and do the same. It is a devastating disease although it's not HIV- especially when you know that you are not the person to engage in casual sex- however, it just takes for you to fall for someone who does. I know I have to continue working and being a part of society- today I had a meltdown- especially when the guy who gave this to me would not respond to me in kind. So at some point in the near future I think I may need to sit down with a therapist or counselor in order to move on with my life. Don't know if I was of help to you Sher 1230. BTW- I'm 34 in 1 week :)